AIBU we have always drank alcohol DH is now “giving it up”

[LennyPugGoat]

I’m on so many meds for anxiety and depression, I know alcohol doesn’t help, but right now for me it does for me In my mind.
We have been in lockdown for so long, he can wfh, I can’t. Today it was announced no more alcohol, I’ve had a drink tonight but it’s not the same alone.

I haven’t left the house for weeks on end, I’m an introvert, I’m worried about the next 3 weeks.... Aibu to think now is n0t the time to change long standing routines?

Last night, you went from 'I don't want him to stop drinking with me' to threats of suicide and self harm within a very short time.

Is it possible that he sees you clock watching for 5pm, then he stops drinking after a couple whilst you continue until you're sobbing along to Adele until you pass out? Ready to start the whole cycle again in the morning?

He might have reached his breaking point.

Make an appointment with your GP and be honest about how much you drink and what you said/threatened/thought about just at the idea of not drinking. You might need medical supervision to stop (if you are prepared to do so).

But if you aren't, be aware that he has the absolute right not to drink. He has the absolute right to consider where he wants to go from here if you remain determined to drink. He has the absolute right to refuse to go and buy it for you, even if you're drinking so much that you have withdrawal symptoms, if you want it, you're going to have to go out and get it yourself.

The only difference between direct self harm as you were discussing last night and drinking whilst mixing it with medication is that it's a slower method of SH. It would still have the devastating effect upon them, just over a significantly longer period.

Call the doctor.

Oh, I never imagined 5 pages of people supporting and offering such amazing advice.
I’ve spent a long time reading every message and taking it all in. I’ve decided to stop, I’ve asked for a phone call to review my meds I’m currently taking 150mg sertraline in the morning and 30mg mirtazapine at bed time (when ever that is and if I remember to even take it)

Thank you for sharing and showing me I’m not really on my own. I do feel a failure and I’m not over the shame of trying to overdose 2 years ago and failing although I am pleased it didn’t work.

I’m going to look into my employers employee assistance programme as well. Lots to do but after reading all of the above it’s given my head a big wobble and a kick up the arse. I really like the idea of a nighttime walk. I honestly haven’t left the house since this all started and I was furloughed.

I’m hurt that they furloughed me even though I can fully work from home but they said they didn’t need me to, I always thought my role was an important part but apparently it’s not, I need to get over that, it’s really not important I need to get a grip on my own self harming using alcohol.

I passed out on the sofa last night, I’m focusing on how much I hate myself when I do that, it’s not a regular thing but I do feel the beer fear when it happens and my rambling about not want to be here is embarrassing, I don’t feel like that during the day anymore, it’s the drink...so stupid, it needs to stop. I was having a bad evening and now realise it’s self induced.

I’m not smoking pot, I used to years ago, stopped once the DC came along I suppose I’ve always had an addictive personality.

I can’t explain how pleased I am that I posted, thank you flowers

Glad to hear you want to make positive changes best of luck with it all ❤️

I'm really pleased to see your positive update keep rereading the thread to keep your resolve.

I am so glad you found some strength and motivation on here, to help you, it is a very diffiulct time for an awful lot of people.

That's a really positive update, well done. I hope you get the support you need and find positive ways of managing your feelings.

Lenny you sound sober today. And so much better.
New day, new you, new support network.
Good luck with it all.
Get as much help and support as you can.
Family, friends and colleagues will be happy you are doing this., as are strangers on t'internet.

Really REALLY good luck OP. I know it's hard but you already sound so much more "present" today. Asking for help can be hard but you have taken a great step forward - well done! Sending you strength and light for the future. 🌷

*Lenny, you are NOT failure, you are not perfect and you cant expect to be, not a soul on this planet is perfect because we are humans. We can only try to be our best. All the luck and love in the world with your new life

That's so positive Lenny. Well done! Please post again if you need some support or chat to help you.

lenny love you are not a failure. The thing about alcohol is that it is an addictive drug yet somehow we think we are faikures because it takes a hold on us. You are a victim of neurology and biology. You can change it, you can.

There are loads of us over at the Alcohol support topic. Come join. :) Alcohol is a fucking bastard of a thing. It is an abusive partner that only hurts and hurts and hurts and then promises not to hurt you again.

Thank you so much I will certainly remain here for the support you have all really helped to turn my view around and to see where the root problem is.

Early days but so far 1 can of coke and 2 pints of squash

Sorry but yabu. It’s entirely his choice not to drink. It would be unfair of you to put pressure on him because you don’t want to drink alone.

I'm so happy to see you feeling positive and looking ahead and making a plan to steer your life in a happier direction. You sound lovely and I wish you well

@LennyPugGoat we are all rooting for you.

Well done, Lenny. But don't do it alone. Get support - be the squeaky wheel. Turning yourself around is hard work, but you don't have to do it all by yourself.

How much do you drink? More or less in lockdown? Is alcohol contra indicated by your medications? Have you talked to your GP?

There are some really good support threads on the Alcohol board. Apparently an urge will pass after 20 minutes, so if you can occupy yourself for a short time each time you may well find the evening has passed before you know it! Every day you manage, is something to be celebrated. I hope your husband will be proud of you, and you'll be proud of yourself even moreso.

Just stopping by to say hello OP.

Im a total stranger but I can tell that your posts today are from the real you - don't forget that. You sound bright, switched on, self aware and ready for change.

The way you wrote last night is like a different person - and that's the drink tipping your mental health issues over the line into being destructive.

I have bipolar and ADHD and have also survived an attempt on my life. You will need to commit to long term strategies to change and it will be so so so worth it. I'm excited for you!

So instead of viewing your time furloughed as you being unwanted or undervalued, let's reframe it. This is a time that you've been granted 80% pay in order to temporarily treat yourself as a full time job.

What makes you happy that isn't booze related? Reading, writing, art, walking, podcasts.... what little thing can you commit to doing each day to give you that calendar appointment to look forward to that was previously booze? A nighttime walk is a brilliant suggestion from a PP, especially for an introvert. What rewards can you put in place for each 3 days sober (or if that is too much to commit to at the moment, a smaller goal) perhaps a takeaway or a book or something on iTunes?

Furlough is henceforth known as Project LennyPugGoat!

We are all here with you

I think he's being very very reasonable. Alcohol is a Depressant so it's doing the opposite of the anti-depressants and will make everything seem so much worse the next day.

Such a lovely update. Please keep coming on and updating us.

I’m focusing on how much I hate myself when I do that

Well done Lenny. But do not focus on hating yourself, focus on loving yourself. You are unique and special.

Don’t be embarrassed that your suicide attempt didn’t work. Feel how lucky you are to be given a second chance at life and let it boost you and turn it into a positive - your recovery story. You’re not giving yourself credit and your self esteem is low. I know people with very important jobs who are furloughed. It’s not a slight I’m sure but they will be trying to keep as little working as possible. Am I right in thinking you wouldn’t go out and buy your own drink during lockdown? If that’s the case make sure you get rid of all the drink and tell your family not to buy any. It’ll be hard because it’s a habit. But it’s just masking and making you more depressed. I promise there is more to life than this. Keep going and you’ll feel better for kicking it. Be proud every night you don’t have a drink. Bin Adele. Chat on here. Arrange zoom chats for a certain time. Have your family do games nights. Have something to do at night so you’re not drinking. Maybe some exercise before tea. Like 4:30. Outside. Anything to distract you from this. Sorry for the long post but it was worrying to read yours and everyone wants you to get better. Your husband might’ve kickstarted a great change for your lives. Support one another.

hey op, I hope you are OK this morning.

Just wanted to say, that I suspect part of the reason he has stopped is to try and make you think about what you are doing.

Its a long road, but it will make you feel better in the long run.

I dont have much advice. I am not a big drinker. But my mum has severe mentak health problems and is a drinker. I won't go into it detail, I am not here to make you feel worse. I wouldnt want my story to do that. Just wanted to say, you will thank yourself for doing this. Thats important, that its for you. But your kids and your dh will also be thankful you are turning things around

Glad to read your positive update Lenny. There are many amazing apps you can download which will help you on your journey. The best ones are Try Dry, which is by the people who do Dry January. I am sober is great & has a really supportive community you can choose to interact with, or not. Dry Days is good too. They all help you by celebrating small milestones. You can set your goal & then change it as it is met. With some you can download certificates too. There is also a Dry Days Facebook group that links to the app & various Dry January ones, the name changes as we go through the year so currently its Dry May. Having previously done Sober October many times & gone straight back to drinking again afterwards I have found these apps & Facebook groups invaluable. I joined the Mumsnet alcohol support groups too, but given the nature of MN & the fact I have ADHD, I find it hard to keep track of it. Feel free to message me for a chat if you are struggling ever.