AIBU we have always drank alcohol DH is now “giving it up”

[LennyPugGoat]

I’m on so many meds for anxiety and depression, I know alcohol doesn’t help, but right now for me it does for me In my mind.
We have been in lockdown for so long, he can wfh, I can’t. Today it was announced no more alcohol, I’ve had a drink tonight but it’s not the same alone.

I haven’t left the house for weeks on end, I’m an introvert, I’m worried about the next 3 weeks.... Aibu to think now is n0t the time to change long standing routines?

@LennyPugGoat

If you're ready to accept it or not you need more help than your getting at the moment with just being on medication.

Please consider reaching out to some organisations that can help you,id suggest Mind and the Samaritans for your MH issues and AA for the drinking because you're currently using it as a crutch in the evenings and it sounds as though you're partner thinks your drinking too much.If you don't feel you can do this for yourself then please do it for your partner and children.They need you in their lives.

Please stop with the judgmental comments. It's not helping the OP.

OP, your family absolutely needs and wants you to stick around. Please get some help from your doctor or another mental health professional. to you.

I was drinking every evening two and half years ago and fortunately managed to stop a couple of weeks before Mexico City, where I live, was hit by a massive earthquake. I was so glad that I'd already stopped because otherwise I would have leaned heavily on the alchohol to deal with the stress and been absolutely useless. This lockdown is very hard for people that already have a problem with alcohol.

I think you might do well, if you decide to stop drinking, to stop watching and listening to the news for a while too.

Personally I used vitamin B complex to control my anxiety when I stopped drinking, but I don't know if there could be an interaction with your other meds.

But what I really mean to say is of course you are a valuable person, just like I am, just like we all are. Alcohol is a bugger, giving us a false lift out of our depression when in fact it is actually causing the depression.

I'm awake if you still want to write @LennyPugGoat

Lenny
I hope you feel better for the sleep. I think you really need to access some therapy. It is still possible in lockdown. Please call your Gp today and get private help if you can afford to pay for it. Your mental health is more important than a bottle of alcohol or clothes etc.

Do you think that with your dh stopping drinking it will show up how much you are actually drinking.

Agree with other posters that alcohol and antidepressants don’t mix well.

Have you got into a habit that at 5pm you open a bottle and you continue to drink till you fall asleep.

What would happen if you left it till 6 or 7pm or had an evening where you didn’t drink and did something else with your hands and gave the medication some time to work.

It might seem weird at first but I think the fact you are counting down the hours till you can have a drink would seem to indicate that you have a problem.

People can give up whenever they feel like it, now is as good a time as any, please don't knock your husband for his decision. If it doesn't last, who cares? Make sure you have a bit of booze in stock just in case.

Most of these meds are really dangerous if mixed with alcohol. Maybe your H is saying this because he wants to get you to stop. A huge amount of people are feeling like this, how do you stop, you just stop, you dont "cut down". I agree with other poster YOU have t want to, but I think in your case you NEED to for your health, your sanity. Try your GP first, other professionals, maybe AA I have 2 DKs who suffer from severe depression,anxiety, thought one would not cope with this situation, he says he is perfectly happy staying indoors, with the covidiots about, they both stopped drinking many years ago.I had to stop for medical health reasons, the first couple of weeks were hard, but I had no choice. incidentally my DH does drink at all, because it makes him so ill. He has agorophobia, eventually saw a hypno therapist. But these meds and booze are a perfect storm..

Meant to read DH DOESNT drink, he loves it, but a sip can make him so ill.

Reach out today . AA does have online meeting. Find your town, download zoom and join them www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/AA-Meetings/Find-a-Meeting/online

If you need alcohol, you need AA

I’ve used the book “The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” and the Facebook group that goes with it. I gave up alcohol 31 days ago, in lockdown, and I’m doing great. It’s much easier to give up in lockdown because we’re not going out..

OP you have an alcohol problem which is making your already fragile mental health a lot worse. Your DH is very probably giving up alcohol because he is very worried about you. You need to support. Make make a GP appointment, it will be by telephone.

Exercise more- it helps depression and lower the blood pressure which will be elevated by your anxiety.

That's just blanket advice, not always true.

Exercise doesn't always help, doesn't always produce that much endorphins.

It needs to be on a case-by-case basis.

It;s very common for people to medicate anxiety and depression with alcohol- because momentarily it makes you feel better. There is a good book that explians how alcohol works on the brain called 'Alcohol Explianed; by William Porter and another one by a woman called Annie Grace 'This Naked Mind'.

I would recommend buying the above and maybe The Sober Diaries by the epically fabulous Clare Pooley and getting stuck in. You are feeling like this because alcohol worsens and exacerbates it. Throw everything you have at this. GP, support etc. You will be aamzed at how much better you feel, even after only a short time. Let your meds have a chance to work! Currently taking meds and drinking alcohol is like putting gasoline on a fire and then water then gasoline then water.

I think alcohol can to some people act like a support in their lives. It starts off small and only when there is a reason to drink like on Birthdays, Christenings, Hen nights and weddings etc or you suddenly find instead of the shy introvert you take on a sparkling personality with a glass in your hand or it is a pick me up if you had a bad day at work and it makes you feel better but then it starts to take over and whilst you still think you need it the habit you have formed is just that a habit that isn’t doing either your physical or mental health any good
The anticipation of when 5pm comes round. The opening of the bottle, the glass, the smell, that first gulp which makes all your problems disappear but looking in on the scene it probably looks very different to people witnessing the drinking.

How are you this morning OP? Things always seem worse at night. Does your DH know how much you are struggling at the moment?

Op anytime is a great time to try and stop an addiction. You can’t seriously expect him to carry on drinking just because you don’t want to give up and don’t want to get pissed on your own every night

You are stuck in a vicious circle. Alcohol will make you anxious, very much so. You then drink to relieve the anxiety.

It sounds like you need professional help. I hope you reach for it and that you'll get better. It sounds like you have a lot to live for bit to unwell to appreciate it.

Aa (Alcoholics Anonymous) and other support serices are online, meeting and open. Do it now.

@JontyDoggle37 I'm in that group too. I have been AF for 14 months with the support of that group. Well done on 31 days thats a huge achievement!.
OP, like you I had terrible anxiety and took meds to try to help. Stopping alcohol has done wonders for my anxiety. I still have my moments but its pretty much gone.
However, I completely understand what you mean about waiting for 5pm. The thought of going with out my reward/crutch/habit was unbearable.
All the books you have been recommended on here are excellent. If I can add one more for you?
Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck was nothing short of a miracle. I went from a bottle of wine a day to zero in the space of a week with relative ease. Good luck. It is possible to break the cycle.

I stopped drinking alcohol over a year ago. It was making me feel low and depressed, even after one glass. I feel amazing now. I dont rely on it, I have no need for it. I have a nice time without it. If I feel stressed, then I have a nice relaxing salt bath (3 big handfuls of sea salt).

You probably know that alcohol is a depressant for some people so it is sensible to stop. A habit can take just three days to stop. Tell yourself you can drink on Thursday if you want and hopefully by then you'll feel some benefits and stick with it. Exercise is the best thing for low mood ime.

Depending on how much you drink and whether you are dependent on alcohol it may be a bad idea to go cold turkey.

What caused your depression and anxiety? (Obviously only answer this if you are comfortable to do so).
Alcohol is used to temporarily numb uncomfortable feelings. Which feelings are you trying to numb?

You say you are very introverted. Introversion means you feel energised after spending time alone. Extroversion means you feel energised after spending time with others.
Are you really introverted? Comfortable being completely on your own?

Sorry if my questions seem strange or intrusive, I’m just trying to get a deeper understanding of why you are dependent on alcohol.

Hi OP, so sorry to hear that you're struggling. Maybe your DH has given it up as a way to maybe support you to make the same choice. It definitely sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and I hope this thread has given you a bit on encouragement to seek out some help. Best wishes