Wouldn't you know its Mother's Day so of course MIL drama

[Leaannb]

Today my MIL called and decided that since our lockdown is ending on Tuesday it was time for her to make plans with my family. First she started in about my son's high school graduation which was originally planned for next weekend. It was cancelled a few weeks ago and they did a drive by graduation. Mil was informed of this by email by my son and myself. Of course we didn't get a reply. Needless to say she was upset that she missed it. Sorry for her but the island is closed until Tuesday so she couldn't attend anyway. She then stated she would be here next weekend to say goodbye to the same son because he was scheduled to leave for basic training next Monday. But due to Covid and early graduation he got offered the opportunity to leave earlier so he took it. He informed her once again by email and of course no reply. To be honest today is the first time we have heard from her since very early December when she got her knickers in a twist that we were going on vacation for the holidays. I don't understand that because we always go on vacation during Christmas holidays but anyway....Next thing on her agenda was wanting to visit around my DILs due date which was May 19th but she had her baby by c-section two weeks ago. Once again she was informed by email and no response.Obviously she is disappointed but what can I do. She then went on to say that she would be arriving on Island by Wednesday so she can meet the baby. I then told her that Son and DIl were following the advice of their OB/GYN not to introduce the baby for 12 weeks due to Covid and Kawasaki Disease and in fact has decided to keep all visitors away from baby until after the tourist season which is October. Which is completely understandable considering where we live,tourisim traffic and very iffy medical care at this time. She started to lose it but reined it in. Right until she asked me for photos of my granddaughter and my DIL's phome number. I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit. Thats when she lost the plot freaked out and started yelling and screaming. I just sat down the phone and took my daughter to the beach for swimming and a picnic.....She definitely put a dark cloud on my Mother's Day

I assumed that the OP was Camilla, taking a call from The Queen, and daring not share photos of her highly controlling daughter's in laws baby.

I'm unhinged because I won't send pictures of another person's child to someone...

No, you are unhinged because you won't send photos of your grandchild to their great grandmother!! The fact that you refer to your MIL as 'someone' rather than family shows that you dislike her. That poor lady has had to put up with you all these years.

So many odd people on here and irl I guess. Sending a picture to a newborn db's grandmother is now a thing that permission must be sought? Grandchildren's phone numbers being withheld? Not seeing said db for 6months? Unless there is a backstory of bad behaviour from MIL or she isn't close to her grandchildren, it's all very weird and cold.

MN has certainly made me much more appreciative of my normal family and friends

Op you know what you sound like:

"Computer says nooo"

You have to get permission to share a photo to a great grandmother? Ffs

I can only assume you do not like her. You sound difficult.

Good lord, after looking at the beautiful house I’m selling up and moving to NC. Bloody hell, that’s like a dream.

OP, glad to hear you are pretty much over CV19, I’ll bet you can’t wait to see your GC in Oct!

The more I read the weirder this gets. This person or her partner has enough money to buy a RV that costs more than a six bedroom house! Money for flights to the Uk but buys a cheap disposable phone?
I have no idea of phone costs in US but here in UK a decent phone on contract with decent WiFi is £15 per month.
It doesn’t add up, the whole situation seems strange.

Sorry OP nothing constructive to say on your actual place only to say I love your part of the world! Visited family last year, very close and frequent visits to Manteo and saw The Lost Colony. Beautiful part of the world!

Does WhatsApp work where you (and she) are?

And why don't your son and DiL want photos shared with family? (Or friends? Have you been allowed for friends to see your new DGC?)

OP, how do you normally get on with MIL?

What's wrong with the phone? You obvs know she won't reply or read it so you are being harsh to not ring. I can't stand my MIL but still behave fairly

Ask your husband /partner to say to her "look mil, we cant phone you because of this nonsense with burner phones so we can only email you with news, which we have done. So unless you provide us with a better way if contacting, you have to accept that you wont receive news in a timely manner. So dont blame us".

So she’s made a string of conscious decisions to make herself hard to communicate with, has then failed to respond to a string of emails but somehow it’s OP’s fault that her husband’s family have not been in touch with their mother / grandmother enough? Ooookkkkk....

This thread is also fascinating in the revelation that people are so insular and assume that any lifestyle other than their own must be a string of lies. Small outlooks all round.

This woman is clearly not an active member of yours or your children's family. She has gone out of her way to live a nomadic lifestyle.

She doesn't then get to bitch and moan that nobody cares about her. She hasn't nurtured any of the relationships.
You reap what you sow.

You're doing great. If I were you I would just delete her from your life. If she calls ignore. If she emails. Ignore. She is not your problem.

She uses a burner phone. Is she some sort of dealer? Judging by the reactions it certainly sounds like it.

Has she ever answered or even sent an email in return?

Given the fact she seemed unaware of each bit of news you gave her over the phone, surely it is possible she isn’t getting the emails or can’t access them?

Can you do a test email and text her to ask her to respond to check the emails are getting through?

That's not the ops concern.The MIL is an adult,if she can live alone in a RV and travel all over.Surely she should have a way to get in contact.Shes the one that should make sure her email works.

Are you sure she is receiving your emails? It sounds like she isn’t. I had someone explode in fury at me for “ignoring” all their emails to me... and it turned out they had copied down my email address wrong.

Also I just looked up the area where you live on a map, it looks amazing.

None of you come out of this well.
You won't pass a photo of a great grandchild because you don't have permission?
In what family would that be a thing?

The OP just seems to be very angry about all this? Why don't you stay out of it and let your DH deal with it all?

OP’s MIL, who is an independent adult of financial means, chooses to make herself impossible to contact by post, practically impossible to contact by phone (if she uses burner phones which she changes frequently and hasn’t rung her son in 6-7 months, they are unlikely to have a current phone number for her), and either doesn’t bother checking her emails or checks but doesn’t respond. She also travels all over North America but hasn’t tried to see her son or grandchildren in 12-13 years and hasn’t even met some of her grandchildren (let alone her great-grandchildren). OP’s son and DIL have also asked OP not to share their phone number and photos of their baby with anyone.

Yet poster after poster are piling on the OP insisting she should ignore her son and DIL’s express wishes and that she should be making more effort to contact her MIL.

Have people just lost the ability to read or do they honestly think that OP should turn herself inside out to accommodate her absentee-by-choice MIL while simultaneously sticking two fingers up at her son and DIL? Faaaaaaaamily, right? Perhaps OP’s MIL could make the effort to understand that word first?

You need your son and dil’s permission to send his nan a picture of their baby? Wtaf? You didn’t have permission to pass on their number? You sound crazy!!!

Unless they’re no contact due to a massive falling out, then what is the problem? I’m not surprised she lost her shit as you are being such a cow. Informing her of the birth of a grandchild by email is just weird.

My mil is a Pia and we’ve never got along so on these threads, people normally have my full sympathy. This however takes the biscuit.

*” Informing her of the birth of a grandchild by email is just weird.”

They can’t reach her by post or phone. How else would you suggest they communicate with her - telepathy?

To me it sounds like there is much more to this and you dont actually like your MIL.

You sound almost joyful at your actions of excluding her.