Wouldn't you know its Mother's Day so of course MIL drama

[Leaannb]

Today my MIL called and decided that since our lockdown is ending on Tuesday it was time for her to make plans with my family. First she started in about my son's high school graduation which was originally planned for next weekend. It was cancelled a few weeks ago and they did a drive by graduation. Mil was informed of this by email by my son and myself. Of course we didn't get a reply. Needless to say she was upset that she missed it. Sorry for her but the island is closed until Tuesday so she couldn't attend anyway. She then stated she would be here next weekend to say goodbye to the same son because he was scheduled to leave for basic training next Monday. But due to Covid and early graduation he got offered the opportunity to leave earlier so he took it. He informed her once again by email and of course no reply. To be honest today is the first time we have heard from her since very early December when she got her knickers in a twist that we were going on vacation for the holidays. I don't understand that because we always go on vacation during Christmas holidays but anyway....Next thing on her agenda was wanting to visit around my DILs due date which was May 19th but she had her baby by c-section two weeks ago. Once again she was informed by email and no response.Obviously she is disappointed but what can I do. She then went on to say that she would be arriving on Island by Wednesday so she can meet the baby. I then told her that Son and DIl were following the advice of their OB/GYN not to introduce the baby for 12 weeks due to Covid and Kawasaki Disease and in fact has decided to keep all visitors away from baby until after the tourist season which is October. Which is completely understandable considering where we live,tourisim traffic and very iffy medical care at this time. She started to lose it but reined it in. Right until she asked me for photos of my granddaughter and my DIL's phome number. I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit. Thats when she lost the plot freaked out and started yelling and screaming. I just sat down the phone and took my daughter to the beach for swimming and a picnic.....She definitely put a dark cloud on my Mother's Day

[mathanxiety]

Saying something in a polite tone of voice doesn't make it the polite thing to say, Brefugee.

It's strange to be so cut and dried or legalistic when it comes to family relationships unless there is a lot of background which hasn't been revealed. If there isn't any issue with the great grandmother - personality, behaviour, habits, then this is all rather odd.

[mathanxiety]

'Burner' is such a commonly used term for payg or disposable phones that there is an app called Burner you can download to a regular phone that allows you to create a temporary number for your own phone.

[monkeymonkey2010]

If she can't be arsed responding to the email she was sent re the baby details and picture....and she hasn't been arsed in all this time about getting their contact details or keeping in touch - then OP certainly doesn't owe her anything.

[bookmum08]

This sounds like it would make a good novel. You know - one of those ones where different parts are told by different characters. We have the Grandma, her DIL (the OP) and then OPs DIL. All telling the side of the story from different perspectives. It could then be made into a Made For TV Movie that would be on Channel 5 in the afternoon.

[Brefugee]

Surely the polite response would have been "Tell you what, I'll get son to phone you tonight and to send you a couple of the best pics he has."

but the polite response was given, and i quote: I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit.

I mean it's a bit stilted so maybe OP didn't say exactly that, but the gist of it is the same.

[Leflic]

Nah. Son and wife are fine with her as Op said I know they sent a birth announcement with a pic through email.

[popsydoodle4444]

So essentially the MIL is kind of like a gypsy;she has no roots,no permanent home and pops up whenever it suits her with nobody having any idea when she's going to pop in their lives?

It sounds as though her email address is the only permanent thing about her tbh.It also sounds as though she has a strained relationship with her son and his family with her grandson and his wife not too keen on having her involved in their baby.

[Fedhimtotigers]

Except she doesn't have that power.
Her sons response would probably be "why? This woman isn't anything to me"

[Oakmaiden]

I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers.

Surely the polite response would have been "Tell you what, I'll get son to phone you tonight and to send you a couple of the best pics he has."

[HoldMyLobster]

To me a burner phone is a Tracfone from Walmart.

[Fairyliz]

Sorry to harp on about the phone but wouldn’t most people in the UK call them a pay as you go phone? Only place I’ve heard them called a burner phone is on the tv.
(I’ve led a sheltered life never met a drug dealer)

[Fedhimtotigers]

The woman who hasn't bothered to visit in at least 5 years and hasn't bothered to call the babies parents herself deserves to be treated shabbily.

The fact her sons children procreated does not entitle her to anything.

[Ravenclawgirl]

Maybe you should check you are using the right email address.

Is she your son's grandmother? if so she shouldn't need to need to be begging for photos of her great grandchild. I think you're treating her a bit shabbily tbh.

[Brefugee]

I'm assuming (although since the MIL has a way different lifestyle than mine) that it's not actually a disposable phone (do they really have them all over the US? Are they usually those flip-phones? I'd love a couple of them to trash after a call, for shitz & gigglez) but a new SIM card every time.

Why? well we don't need to know.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I'd probably call it a burner phone because that's the term commonly used on US crime shows when it's an untraceable phone, or a throwaway (ugh) phone. I wouldn't waste time thinking of another term for it. And I would expect everyone I spoke to would know exactly what it was too!

[MyOtherProfile]

This has taken a funny turn!

I don’t know another commonly used name for the pay-as-you-go phones
Like maybe a PAYG phone?

I've lived in 4 different countries, several large cities and I've never even heard of a burner phone outside of MN, and not even the old people or all those drug dealing mates of mine use disposable phones. Only on MN...

[HannaYeah]

Ok, this is sad, I know, but I did go back and look at all 12 pages:
People expressed shock that MIL uses burner phones. They asked if she was in the “secret services”; said she was running a Mexican cartel; said she sounded awesome and also said she was nuts for paying so much since burner phones are more expensive.

But only you expressed shock at the term itself. So that’s why I’m asking you what else you would call them?
And I’m sorry about the crack about the drug-dealer friends.

I promise I’m not this annoying in real-life. Normally, non-pandemic I mean.

[HannaYeah]

It was a serious question actually. Everyone I know calls them burners, regardless of their occupation.

[DarrellMakepeace]

@HannaYeah I'm not the only one surprised at the burner reference, go back and look at the first three pages of posts.

Loving the little snide jibe at my 'non drug dealing friends'. Well done. You asked, after all.

[HannaYeah]

@DarrellMakepeace

Actually you were the only one that seemed surprised at her referring to it as a “burner”.

You obviously know these phones exist, and know people call them that. What do your non-drug dealing friends call them?

Others expressed surprised at the MIL choosing to use those when she has the money to have a dedicated cellphone. Because yes, that’s odd. But odd behavior by parents and in-laws isn’t limited the US.

And the availability of these cheap throwaway phones isn’t limited to drug dealers in the UK.

[Fedhimtotigers]

@Technonan and how has the OP managed that?
This woman has checked out of her grandchildren's lives yet still feels entitled to information and pictures. She should be so grateful the Op bothers with her at all.

[Technonan]

I get the impression you're rather enjoying the process of isolating her. I'm glad you're not my DIL.

[DarrellMakepeace]

@HannaYeah the surprised response you are seeing in relation to a 'burner' phone is because this is a British website with an overwhelming majority of people who are used to seeing the term only in connection with illegal activities.

[HannaYeah]

Oh, and my mother, who is very capable and intelligent, gets all kinds of irritated if she has to log into her email. She does it about 3 times a year when I talk her into it.

Last time she lost her wifi credentials she told me she’d just go without, during a pandemic, while she’s locked in the house along and thus needing Internet more than ever. I talked her through fixing it, but she really was willing to just go without rather than go through the frustration. No stinking way is she loading WhatsApp or any app on her phone.

[HannaYeah]

@DarrellMakepeace

I know what a “burner” phone is, just also know that in US it’s how most of us refer to any phone untethered to a plan and purchased without having to provide a name/address. I don’t know another commonly used name for the pay-as-you-go phones that we see in convenience stores and Walmarts here. So no, not strange.

Also, do you actually know any old people? Because plenty of them do all kinds of things to save unneeded money while making no logical sense whatsoever.

My father, for instance, who finds friend, neighbors, strangers to go to the gas station with him and fill up when he has earned a $.20 / gal discount. Then he tells me repeatedly how much he saved. He once nearly stopped speaking to me because I screwed up and hung up the pump handle before my brother could pull up the second car, thus we lost out on about $2.50 worth of savings. Meanwhile, he can also be the most generous person I know.