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Original poster

Wouldn't you know its Mother's Day so of course MIL drama

308 replies

Leaannb · 10/05/2020 21:40

Today my MIL called and decided that since our lockdown is ending on Tuesday it was time for her to make plans with my family. First she started in about my son's high school graduation which was originally planned for next weekend. It was cancelled a few weeks ago and they did a drive by graduation. Mil was informed of this by email by my son and myself. Of course we didn't get a reply. Needless to say she was upset that she missed it. Sorry for her but the island is closed until Tuesday so she couldn't attend anyway. She then stated she would be here next weekend to say goodbye to the same son because he was scheduled to leave for basic training next Monday. But due to Covid and early graduation he got offered the opportunity to leave earlier so he took it. He informed her once again by email and of course no reply. To be honest today is the first time we have heard from her since very early December when she got her knickers in a twist that we were going on vacation for the holidays. I don't understand that because we always go on vacation during Christmas holidays but anyway....Next thing on her agenda was wanting to visit around my DILs due date which was May 19th but she had her baby by c-section two weeks ago. Once again she was informed by email and no response.Obviously she is disappointed but what can I do. She then went on to say that she would be arriving on Island by Wednesday so she can meet the baby. I then told her that Son and DIl were following the advice of their OB/GYN not to introduce the baby for 12 weeks due to Covid and Kawasaki Disease and in fact has decided to keep all visitors away from baby until after the tourist season which is October. Which is completely understandable considering where we live,tourisim traffic and very iffy medical care at this time. She started to lose it but reined it in. Right until she asked me for photos of my granddaughter and my DIL's phome number. I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit. Thats when she lost the plot freaked out and started yelling and screaming. I just sat down the phone and took my daughter to the beach for swimming and a picnic.....She definitely put a dark cloud on my Mother's Day

OP posts:
ArcWorc · 11/05/2020 01:38

Has she ever answered or even sent an email in return?

Given the fact she seemed unaware of each bit of news you gave her over the phone, surely it is possible she isn’t getting the emails or can’t access them?

Can you do a test email and text her to ask her to respond to check the emails are getting through?

dogcatwolf · 11/05/2020 01:38

@KickAssAngel no that's me. My usually cunty mil has been lovely recently. I mean, we haven't seen her due to lockdown though haha.

Op I think you're getting a tough time.

DrReed · 11/05/2020 01:43

@DrReed....She has never met my DIL and in fact she hasn't met my 5 yo yet either

So it sounds like there is a lot more back story than you originally let on. It's nothing at all to do with Mother's Day, or that she's causing drama because of it, it's more that you think that she has no interest in your family so why should you bother treating her like a loved and cherished member of the family. She's not seen any of you in at least 5 years, and you've only spoken to her a handful of times in that time, so she's practically a stranger to you all? If that's the case I can see why you can't be arsed dealing with her.

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:44

ArcWorc....No she hasn't but I lnow she uses email for the simple fact she has to because she doesn't have an address and no reliable phone and she still has bills to pay etc....

OP posts:
Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 01:50

@DrReed...Not so much a backstory but she has never been the really involved type of mother and mother in law or grandmother. If she had asked me for pocs of my own children I would have sent them to her. But not my child not my decision. The last time I physically saw her was when she flew to the UK to see my husband when he got back from deployment I think 2007 or early 2008. I know I took her to Cardiff to meet my Mom and Nan and we went to Edinburgh for the weekend. My oldest was 12 and the son who just had a baby was around 5. I don't think she stayed long enough to meet my youngest son. I can't remember though. But I know she has never met my daughter

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2020 01:57

I think you did the right thing to, for what it's worth.

People on here do love to make up a load of shit because they don't understand how some people live their lives differently to themselves - it's fascinating to watch.

You respected your son and DIL's privacy and requests - can't see how that makes you a problem MIL at all, far from it.

Your own MIL sounds like she's not that bothered about the rest of you - more into her travelling and her friends - and if she doesn't have your son's phone number herself, that's on her, I'm sure she could have emailed him back a congratulation email and asked for his number and a photo that way and then NONE of this would have happened.

Happy Mother's Day to you too - it was ours in Australia yesterday too Thanks

kittycatloveyou · 11/05/2020 02:41

So you have to ask your son for his grandmother to have his phone number? Send her a pic for god sake and get your husband her son to ring her for her Mother’s Day

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 02:47

@Kittycatloveyou....Yes I would ask anyone before sharing their number to someone else and its not my place to share pictures of another person's child. My son and his wife have made it perfectly clear that they did not want pics shared of their newborn without their express permission. Which I respected. My husband will not be able to call his mother for Mother's Day for 2 reasons. She does not have a stable phone number and my husband is on a fishing trip until June. He will have to wait until she calls back before speaking to her. Knowing her that will be between Thanksgiving and Christmas

OP posts:
shamalidacdak · 11/05/2020 03:11

God you sound like hard work. Why don't you and Dh pay for a phone for her? All this fucking unnecessary drama🙄

KickAssAngel · 11/05/2020 03:11

Leann - people are just arguing for the sake of it. I didn't need to know your entire backstory to work out that she was being a pita. If someone receives multiple emails with family news and ignores them then that's their problem.

I'm glad you made it out to the beach. Not jealous at all, sitting here watching sleet come down!

KickAssAngel · 11/05/2020 03:12

and apologies for confusing you with catdogwolf!

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 03:26

@Shamalidacdak...Why the hell doesn't she buy her own damn phone...We aren't talking about an impoverished woman here. She has plenty of money. We keep her informed as much as possible. But a relationship works both ways. Due to the way she lives by choice mind you the onus is on her to reply to our emails....Besides I pay enough for international calls between my mother and Nan in Cardiff and my son and DIL in Newmarket.

OP posts:
Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 03:32

@KickAssAngel....Are you in the NorthEast? If so I am so sorry

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2020 03:50

If you ever make it to the Outer Banks I have a lovely 3 bedroom cottage on sound side with a private boat/jet ski slip for you to use

Can I come too? It sounds so romantic.

I don't share photos without permission and I don't put DD's face on social media either. There are some right weirdos in the extended family. Maybe other people have very normal people in their families (these are always the families that turn out to be properly scary).

turquoiseplates · 11/05/2020 03:55

OP. Completely agree with your decisions. There are some really narrow minded folks on here.
Oh, and I'd like to be your friend - sounds like you have life sorted. Have a great day!

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 03:56

@MrsTerryPrachet.....Its pretty close to where that Nicholas Sparks novel if it gives you any idea

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/05/2020 04:02

I was thinking about In The Heart of the Sea. I know that's Nantucket but you know, east coast, salty windswept.

Timekeeper1 · 11/05/2020 04:11

@cdtaylornats It was Mother's Day in Australia yesterday.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2020 04:14

And in the USA, where the OP lives.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2020 04:15

Canada too. And probably other countries.

Timekeeper1 · 11/05/2020 04:15

As to the OP, I think she is being unnecessarily stubborn. She reminds me of one of the bureaucrats who insist on red tape and not telling you something that they could tell you, telling you to ask someone else for the answer that they could just as easy give you.

No one in my generation or older would even think twice about this. It would be different if it were a friend or stranger, but this is the child's GRANDMOTHER! Surely you can send a photo to a baby's own grandmother without asking! It goes without saying, surely? I think OP's behaviour towards the child's own grandmother is absolutely ridiculous.

Rottnest · 11/05/2020 04:19

@Leaannb, I made it thru' the first five pages.
In the past, at work I have witnessed husbands partners of mothers in labour photographing the intimate details of the delivery. It sometimes made me cringe, filming the vagina, vulva of a heavily sedated woman, crowning of the head etc.
I asked sometimes what they intended to do with them, who would view the photos. Never got an answer.

As@ Negevmother said, it not appropriate to distribute photos of mum/baby with out the express permission of the parents involved, no matter what your place in the family ranking.

With regard to your mother in law, she is obviously intelligent with an adequate income, who has chosen to travel in her later years, good luck to her.
The one thing she has not done is keep in touch with her family, if she has had no contact with her children and the rest of her family over many many months she obviously does not value them very highly.
In any event, distributing photos of new babies, family events belongs to the parents of the baby/child, not you as the mother in law.

For what its worth you have been respectful to the parents of this baby and done nothing wrong.
Good luck, though I am sure you will still get a pasting on here.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2020 04:36

Er no, it's not the child's GRANDmother, it's the child's great grandmother who has shown next to no interest in her GRANDSON's child.

Incontinencesucks · 11/05/2020 04:40

Yanbu. She's only very infrequently bothered about your family when it suits her. Surely she must have received emails to know your son was graduating and leaving for training and that your son and dil were having a baby.

I wouldn't be bothered with someone like that either. She holds all the contact cards on her terms and expects you to fulfill them. If she only met your son at 5 and has barely bothered since then why would he be interested in her? It sounds like he has no time for her and she brings drama

Babyboomtastic · 11/05/2020 07:00

Aha!!
I thought something about this was familiar. You are the gender reveal awkward grandma to be that couldn't be possibly alter anything about your routine to go to a gender reveal a few months ago.

Basically if looks like the generations of weirdness, strange controlling-ness and disfunction. It just sounds utterly exhausting for all of you.