Wouldn't you know its Mother's Day so of course MIL drama

[Leaannb]

Today my MIL called and decided that since our lockdown is ending on Tuesday it was time for her to make plans with my family. First she started in about my son's high school graduation which was originally planned for next weekend. It was cancelled a few weeks ago and they did a drive by graduation. Mil was informed of this by email by my son and myself. Of course we didn't get a reply. Needless to say she was upset that she missed it. Sorry for her but the island is closed until Tuesday so she couldn't attend anyway. She then stated she would be here next weekend to say goodbye to the same son because he was scheduled to leave for basic training next Monday. But due to Covid and early graduation he got offered the opportunity to leave earlier so he took it. He informed her once again by email and of course no reply. To be honest today is the first time we have heard from her since very early December when she got her knickers in a twist that we were going on vacation for the holidays. I don't understand that because we always go on vacation during Christmas holidays but anyway....Next thing on her agenda was wanting to visit around my DILs due date which was May 19th but she had her baby by c-section two weeks ago. Once again she was informed by email and no response.Obviously she is disappointed but what can I do. She then went on to say that she would be arriving on Island by Wednesday so she can meet the baby. I then told her that Son and DIl were following the advice of their OB/GYN not to introduce the baby for 12 weeks due to Covid and Kawasaki Disease and in fact has decided to keep all visitors away from baby until after the tourist season which is October. Which is completely understandable considering where we live,tourisim traffic and very iffy medical care at this time. She started to lose it but reined it in. Right until she asked me for photos of my granddaughter and my DIL's phome number. I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit. Thats when she lost the plot freaked out and started yelling and screaming. I just sat down the phone and took my daughter to the beach for swimming and a picnic.....She definitely put a dark cloud on my Mother's Day

I wish people would RTFT.

@ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie the ops MIL uses burner phones by her own choice and every one she purchases has a different number, she also travels around the USA in an RV (and an expensive one with wifi by the sounds of it) so she doesn't have an address they could post to. What would you suggest other than email? Should they show a pigeon a picture of the RV/MiL and send it off with a note strapped to its leg?

Also OP has said MIL hasn't seen her grandson who's just had the baby since he was 5 years old! Maybe she's had a few phone conversations with him over the last 15 years or so but to me in his shoes a person like that would be more like a distant relative rather than a close family member at this point.

I can't see that you've done anything wrong.
Your MIL has chosen to live a travelling lifestyle which which means minimal contact with family.

She could quite easily contact your Son and DIL by email.
Rise above it.

@Frankola
You sound almost joyful at your actions of excluding her

How is she excluding her.
1 Me l uses burner phones

2 Mil is nomadic by choice

3 Mil hasn't met one of her GC and only met the one that has the baby when he was 5

4 Mil doesn't respond to any emails

How can the op do more.Seriously.Mil doesn't WANT to be contacted by the sounds of things.She can't have a hissy fit when she's then left out of things.Actions have consequences.

It is not your fault OP that she had taken herself off grid. It is up to the childs family to negotiate pictures and contact. You are stuck right in the middle.

The Op is not stuck in the middle though, it is her DHs mum, let him deal with it!

people are just arguing for the sake of it. I didn't need to know your entire backstory

Maybe not the entire back story but a little context would have helped. The title makes it sound like she's a demanding mil making drama about MD. The opening sentence makes it sound like she's seen anyone because of lockdown. There's mention of the mils transient lifestyle or that she hasn't seen them in years and is little more than a stranger to he gs.

In fact I think the OP is trying to be a bit obtuse, saying she was going to the beach, knowing someone was bound to comment on that as why on earth would we know that she has her own private beach. Then saying her dh was on a fishing trip so it sounded like he was on a jolly rather than working on a fishing charter as an essential worker, again knowing its likely to get commented on.

I think there's one person here who likes a bit of drama and I don't think it's the mil.

So the last time you saw here was 2008, 12 years ago? The son who has just had a baby was 5 then so 17 now? Surely he and partner are minors living with parents? Is he the same son who is graduating? Can you graduate in US at 17?
Do RV’s really cost $600,000?
Lots of things don’t quite add up

I really envy your DIL having a MIL that respects consent for photograph sharing and for sharing contact numbers.

You don't know who shares and over shares these photographs and it doesn't sound like the DIL has any relationship with this woman so why would she want photographs shared?

You did everything all my side of the family would do - wait until parents make the decision.

Ay ay. Righty ho Op

Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day OP! 🌹🌻

I also don't send any photographs of the grandchildren to anyone unless I have permission from their parents. I also don't post anything on SocialMedia platforms. I 100% agree with putting the ball back in the parents park to deal with. We all make choices in life and reap the consequences. MIL has made her choices and is free to change her behaviour re contact with everyone.

Hey! I’m sorry everyone seems to be being nobs to you.... seems to be the theme on this website lol. I have a 4 month old and would love a MIL who respected my wishes and privacy like you are doing, thought you should know. Ignore the nobheads. I have no other opinion to offer other than people are far too judgy on this website before knowing any details. Also, where you live sounds lovely 😊

Off topic, but where you live sounds amazing! And your MIL sounds like extremely hard work.

Can you graduate in US at 17?

My son will be 17 when he leaves secondary school as he has an August birthday.

I graduated at 17

I agree with the OP. I actually respect the fact that you didn't pass along photos and contact numbers and respect your DIL & sons wishes to wait 12 weeks.
MIL seems a bit chaotic in all honesty.

Totally missing the point....

I’d love to go to The Outer Banks. It’s long been a dream of mine!
If you ever fancy doing a house swap and spending a month or so in London?
You can even share photos of my kids with your elusive MIL!

I think there's one person here who likes a bit of drama and I don't think it's the mil.

Yep this.
You shut her down at every opportunity and then claimed she ruined your Mother’s Day! And then posted about it.

All three of my kids will graduate high school at 17. The sort of RV the op is talking about could def cost a few hundred grand.
Other than that, I’m still boggled by the sheer number of yummies that fully support their parents not sending baby photos to their grandma.
Bless.

As much as i find it odd that a grandma can't share a picture with a great grandma in the same family, they asked you not to so fair enough. But seriously why could you not give her their number so she could call them herself

I find MN totally strange at times. How many threads on here about MILs sharing baby photos with anyone when the son/DiL have said not to do it - and the MIL gets a really hard time?

How many times do we see "x gave my number to y - i wish they hadn't" and the replies are overwhelmingly "never give people's phone numbers to anyone without permission"

both of which positions are perfectly fine. So here we have a MIL doing just that and BAM! she gets it in the neck.

Friend of mine has an RV that cost more than a nice apartment in a good part of town. Mindboggling.

Your MIL sounds like a selfish nightmare. Stocking that she had the ability to travel and still hasn’t met so many members of her own family, including grandchildren! My dad’s father lives abroad and didn’t meet my sister until she was 4, he had even visited the country and not told my dad so not met up. Yet if he does deign to visit he expects everything to revolve around him. I don’t consider him to be my grandfather, and your MIL is making the same bed for herself.

I think some people are getting confused about the OP's children.

I don't know her, but from reading her posts it would appear that the "5 year old" in the scenario is in fact her daughter, whom she took to the beach. So she hasn't seen the MIL for 5 years, since her daughter was born.

*for at least 5 years, since before her daughter was born.

Just tell her you email her details so she needs to check her emails more often and make sure she’s checking junk mail too. She might not check them very often so has missed them or maybe she has a new email address.

Mmmmmmm or just let your DH (her son!!!!!!) deal with it all.........