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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wouldn't you know its Mother's Day so of course MIL drama

308 replies

Leaannb · 10/05/2020 21:40

Today my MIL called and decided that since our lockdown is ending on Tuesday it was time for her to make plans with my family. First she started in about my son's high school graduation which was originally planned for next weekend. It was cancelled a few weeks ago and they did a drive by graduation. Mil was informed of this by email by my son and myself. Of course we didn't get a reply. Needless to say she was upset that she missed it. Sorry for her but the island is closed until Tuesday so she couldn't attend anyway. She then stated she would be here next weekend to say goodbye to the same son because he was scheduled to leave for basic training next Monday. But due to Covid and early graduation he got offered the opportunity to leave earlier so he took it. He informed her once again by email and of course no reply. To be honest today is the first time we have heard from her since very early December when she got her knickers in a twist that we were going on vacation for the holidays. I don't understand that because we always go on vacation during Christmas holidays but anyway....Next thing on her agenda was wanting to visit around my DILs due date which was May 19th but she had her baby by c-section two weeks ago. Once again she was informed by email and no response.Obviously she is disappointed but what can I do. She then went on to say that she would be arriving on Island by Wednesday so she can meet the baby. I then told her that Son and DIl were following the advice of their OB/GYN not to introduce the baby for 12 weeks due to Covid and Kawasaki Disease and in fact has decided to keep all visitors away from baby until after the tourist season which is October. Which is completely understandable considering where we live,tourisim traffic and very iffy medical care at this time. She started to lose it but reined it in. Right until she asked me for photos of my granddaughter and my DIL's phome number. I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit. Thats when she lost the plot freaked out and started yelling and screaming. I just sat down the phone and took my daughter to the beach for swimming and a picnic.....She definitely put a dark cloud on my Mother's Day

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2020 16:40

In JUNE when he's back from his working stint on a fishing trawler...

Sparklingplasters · 11/05/2020 16:42

OP I’m so envious of your location, I had the privilege of staying on Emerald Isle, in a fabulous little beach house. Wow, I’ve just made an agreement with myself to go back.

Your MIL sounds unhinged, her lifestyle choices are not your issue. Her burner phone is causing communication problems, her choice. You were right to leave the call where you did.

Fairyliz · 11/05/2020 16:48

@ThumbWitchesAbroad
The op states that she last saw the mil in 2008, so 12 years ago.
She also said ‘my oldest was 12 and the son who just had a baby was around 5’

So that suggests the father of the child is now 17. Think there’s more to worry about than an annoying mil.

HoldMyLobster · 11/05/2020 16:57

DD was 17 at graduation, as was everyone else in her class whose birthday was in June, July, Aug, Sept or early Oct.

And here are some $1m RVs.
www.mentalfloss.com/article/59421/what-does-1-million-rv-look

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/05/2020 17:03

FairyLiz - you're right, apologies.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 11/05/2020 17:41

I don't get this site at times, I really don't. Thread after thread after thread appears, all complaining about mothers in law who cannot and will not respect their sons'/DiLs' boundaries. Along comes one who rightly defers to her younger family members as parents and it's she who is unhinged? You couldn't make it up!

I'd be grateful to have a MiL like OP and from the updates it appears her DiL feels the same. OP's MiL is not her mother. Presumably she has a son who is in the picture somewhere. Why not refer to him? Why choose instead to badger his wife? Incidentally, just what, exactly, is so hard for her about contacting her own great grandson?

But somehow it's turned around on the OP because 'wifework'.

I for one am not interested in doing wifework and therefore don't do it. YANBU, OP, and in your shoes I'd be letting my DH deal with her. Not your circus.

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 17:58

@Hel1980....Every year for my anniversary my husband buys me VIP tickets to The Lost Colony where you get a tour of the backstage and eat with the cast....Its my favorite present every year..I do love it so

OP posts:
Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 18:02

@FairyLiz I said he was around 5 and made it very clear I wasn't sure of the exact time line. I know I was living in the UK, husband was deployed and MIL met my family for the first time. I couldn't even tell you if my youngest was born at that time or not. I know do Know that 8 months after the visit I came across an IED that didn't neccissarily like me and spent 6 months in Germany before being transferred to Walter Reed.

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 11/05/2020 18:03

ThumbsWitch, does Ops Dh not have a phone on his boat? (No idea if this is the case). Could Op not just say ring DH?

callmeadoctor · 11/05/2020 18:04

Does OP not speak to her DH for months on his boat? (Again, genuine question, I have no idea how it works)

callmeadoctor · 11/05/2020 18:08

I genuinely don't get why the OP is so involved, is this "wifework" then? Tell MIL to ring DH, job sorted. (Assuming he is contactable on his fishing boat, which I guess all fisherman must be contactable?)

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 18:11

@Sparklingplasters....Come on over and I will show you a great time. I'm a little further north but its just a hop,skip and a jump

OP posts:
Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 18:15

@callmeadoctor....They have satellite phones on the ship but thats very expensive and only ised in extreme emergencies. Since we are both veterans we have a long standing agreement not to bother the other unless it is an extreme emergency. The only time I have broken that agreement is when our daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when she was 12 hours old....He was in Korea at that time

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 11/05/2020 18:17

Op so how old is your son who has just become a father?

Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 18:17

@PickmeupaPenguin....I graduated 2 weeks after my 17 birthday

OP posts:
Original poster
Leaannb · 11/05/2020 18:20

@Fairyliz he is 23. I have a 25 year old who lives closer to you. A 23 yo who lives on island nearby to me. He is the manager of the BBQ restaurant that I have mentioned before and recently had a baby. I have a 17 yo old who just graduated high school and is currently in boot camp for the Marune Corp and then we have our little surptise, change of life princess at 5

OP posts:
Sparklingplasters · 11/05/2020 19:30

I’ve been looking at ocean front rentals!

Cocobean30 · 11/05/2020 19:41

Op sounds like you have lived a very interesting life :) I’m also envious of your location!

Hel1980 · 11/05/2020 20:27

@Leaannb sounds lovely! Was touch and go us watching it due to a a storm warning but was amazing, especially with the lightning off in the distance. Being from the UK we did the afternoon tea the Queen first

mathanxiety · 11/05/2020 21:08

@Leannb, I have adult children and I pull rank from time to time.

I have never had to give a direct order about gracious, polite, considerate behaviour though. This is because I taught them manners as children.

mathanxiety · 11/05/2020 21:26

You don't have to pay for international calls on top of cellphone bills @Leannb.

Just ask all parties you normally call in Cardiff, etc, to get WhatsApp. You can call, text, send photos..

Or buy celtictel minutes if any of you wants to use a landline.

ECBC · 11/05/2020 21:27

I find it so odd that your MIL buys a new phone everytime she needs more minutes? Talk about a waste

ProudMarys · 11/05/2020 21:34

It's your son's grandmother??? Unless she was dangerous or he had no contact why on earth would you not pass on a picture of her great grandchildren she is family..."it's not my child, it's not my child" yes it's not your child but it's your son's child and surely you know if he is in contact has a relationship with her. Could you at least ask him to send it, out of helping an older member of the family out? You sound like your MIL is just some random friend asking to send a picture of your grandchild.

mathanxiety · 11/05/2020 21:42

It's really odd that you can post that a man who chose to be on a fishing boat until June will feel upset he missed his mother's call while at the same time miffed at the mother for her upset at being out of the loop.

Your DH and MIL are both choosing not to be in touch with anyone. How come you have sympathy for DH but MIL is looking for drama?

MeridianB · 11/05/2020 21:51

OP, isn’t that where Dawson’s Creek was filmed?