Wouldn't you know its Mother's Day so of course MIL drama

[Leaannb]

Today my MIL called and decided that since our lockdown is ending on Tuesday it was time for her to make plans with my family. First she started in about my son's high school graduation which was originally planned for next weekend. It was cancelled a few weeks ago and they did a drive by graduation. Mil was informed of this by email by my son and myself. Of course we didn't get a reply. Needless to say she was upset that she missed it. Sorry for her but the island is closed until Tuesday so she couldn't attend anyway. She then stated she would be here next weekend to say goodbye to the same son because he was scheduled to leave for basic training next Monday. But due to Covid and early graduation he got offered the opportunity to leave earlier so he took it. He informed her once again by email and of course no reply. To be honest today is the first time we have heard from her since very early December when she got her knickers in a twist that we were going on vacation for the holidays. I don't understand that because we always go on vacation during Christmas holidays but anyway....Next thing on her agenda was wanting to visit around my DILs due date which was May 19th but she had her baby by c-section two weeks ago. Once again she was informed by email and no response.Obviously she is disappointed but what can I do. She then went on to say that she would be arriving on Island by Wednesday so she can meet the baby. I then told her that Son and DIl were following the advice of their OB/GYN not to introduce the baby for 12 weeks due to Covid and Kawasaki Disease and in fact has decided to keep all visitors away from baby until after the tourist season which is October. Which is completely understandable considering where we live,tourisim traffic and very iffy medical care at this time. She started to lose it but reined it in. Right until she asked me for photos of my granddaughter and my DIL's phome number. I politely informed her that I did not have permission from my son and Dil to share pictures and most definitely didn't have their permission to share phone numbers. I told her I would pass her number along to my son and dil and they would handle it as they see fit. Thats when she lost the plot freaked out and started yelling and screaming. I just sat down the phone and took my daughter to the beach for swimming and a picnic.....She definitely put a dark cloud on my Mother's Day

[Biscuitbiscuits]

@Megan2018 or you're very lucky to come from a family with no issues or complexities.

[enragedpenfold]

Your son didn’t send baby pics to the child’s great-grandma? And you refused to do so? Not sure if I’m fully understanding.
Is there not an assumption on your son and DIL’s part that you would pass on news and photos to the olds? Is there a reason why the great-grandma would be excluded from getting family pics? Or just because you are feeling belligerent?
I mean, I get that son and DIL might be pissy if you sent them to all your bridge club friends. But his grandma?

[Leaannb]

@Megan2018 because its not my child. Why would you think its ok to make these kind of decisions for someone else's child. This isn't my place. Its definitely up to my son and his wife. Not me

[LouiseTrees]

I would’ve just said sure I’ll send them over email then not done it before asking permission, would’ve been fine. I’d have also at that time asked if she’d read the other emails due to the stuff she’d missed.

[PickUpAPickUpAPenguin]

When mums post on here furious that the MIL or mum has forwarded pics and details about the baby without permission then they get lots of sympathy. The OP did nothing wrong here.

It is weird to use email when MIL clearly doesn't like it (or doesn't check it?) but with a MIL like that, I think it's for her son to manage. Does she live in a different time zone or something?

[StrictlyAFemaleFemale]

I think thats unlikely Grumpy. Op has a working phone that her children can contact her on, and clearly respects and protects their interests, hence not giving out their nr or photos.

Is there a reason she hasnt been getting the emails?

[Leaannb]

@enragedpenfold... I know they sent a birth announcement with a pic through email. I'm not sending photos because its not my child. Its not my decision. That rests firmly on my Son and Dil

[Ughmaybenot]

I’m totally on your side here OP, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. From what you’ve said, there’s probably a huge back story, too much to go into one post on here, and your son has his reasons for not having sent photos himself.
I completely agree that it’s not your child and therefore not your decision to make for them to send photos.
As a sort of comparison, my brother is in contact with our father, I’m not. If brother sent photos to father without my permission, I would be very upset indeed.

[Leaannb]

@PickUpaPickUpAPenguin.... She lives in an RV traveling throughout US,Canada and Mexico. We never know where she is at until she calls

[Lougle]

$30 with an hour of minutes?? I pay £30 per month with unlimited minutes. Does she only use her phone occasionally?

[KickAssAngel]

are you the MNer on an island with a writer, and a DH who can fell trees and build a house?

anyway - I think what you've done is fine. Who the hell doesn't check email when they aren't able to visit anyone?

I'm in MI, in the middle of a polar vortex, watching sleety rain ruin all my spring plants. Happy Mother's Day!

[Leaannb]

@Lougle...I have no idea. We only hear from her when she wants to reach out

[Leaannb]

@KickassAngel....Nope dual military who retired to the OBX before starting our new carrers in civillian life

[PickUpAPickUpAPenguin]

That makes more sense then.
I've seen posts on here where mums are angry that the extended family have seen pics without her actively choosing which ones they can see. This person insisted that seeing the pic that they want to see extended family to see as well as the pic they saw was unreasonable.
more than one posts where mums got angry that extended family copied a pic off the parents SM too
It is a minefield so OP is completely right to get the parents to manage this

[Dancingbea]

Well in time presumably your dil will treat you in the same way. 😉

[Myohmy111]

OP, you sound very cold, at least towards your MIL. Don’t you feel any empathy towards her at all?

[Leaannb]

@Dancingbea... I hope so. Bit both Dil's are really great about respecting boundaries and privacy which is why I am respecting theirs.

[Leaannb]

@Myohmy111 Sure I feel bad for her but there is nothing I can do to change it. Shes asking the wrong ones. She needs to talk to my son and dil. They are the only ones who can grant her request for pics

[Justcallmebebes]

Still lost. Why on earth can't you send a photo? Whole post is totally bizarre

[mathanxiety]

I have a phone that cost me about $110 and I pay $25 per month on a payg basis (Republic) with data (I can't remember how much but I've never gone over the limit) and unlimited calls and texting. Your MIL is wasting an astronomical amount of money essentially buying an hour for $30.

You should tell your DS and DIL that given they are isolating for a few months they need to send more photos to grandma. You could get away with issuing a direct order on Mother's Day.

It won't kill them to be polite and considerate to people who want to see their baby under current circumstances.

[cdtaylornats]

Mother's Day was 22nd March

[mathanxiety]

It's Mother's Day today here in the US.

[Justcallmebebes]

She's presumably an elderly lady and you are being vile to her. Does she not have any sort of relationship with her grandson? Why wouldn't he want her to have a photo of his child? A photo is just that, a photo. What possible harm can sending that do? You all sound horrible

[Leaannb]

@Mathanxiety. You are delusional to think ots my place to tell anyone in their mid twenties what to do with their life,the life of their child or anything else. Totally not my place to give direct orders to anyone not in my employ. Using Mother's Day to issue that order would be manipulative and completely wrong damaging my own relationship with ny son and dil. They are old enough to handle their own adult relationships. They have sent a photo and it was ignored. I still took her phone number and gave it to them. Its their decision on what to do

[roarfeckingroar]

I think you sound brilliant OP - your DIL is lucky to have a MIL who respects her privacy.