Advice please on neighbour

[Sidalee7]

Live in a cul de sac with mostly semi detached houses. We live next door but one to a mum and her daughter who is 6. Since lockdown started the daughter is at the neighbour in between’s house shouting/screaming at the neighbour constantly. Apparently the neighbour told her off for something at the start of lockdown and the child now screams “I hate you” and “you are stupid/a poo/a witch ect ect” ALL THE TIME. It’s making being in our garden a nightmare.
Yesterday I saw the mum outside their garage and the daughter was shouting abuse into the neighbors letter box.
I said (calmly and in a low tone) : please can you stop her doing that, it’s horrible. She screamed at me YOU are horrible (never had a problem with her, would always smile and say hello) My daughter has SPECIAL NEEDS she is autistic it’s not her fault.
I still feel shaking and horrible from the confrontation. I hate the thought that she thinks I’m not understanding of her daughters autism. But surely she can try to stop her daughter rather than letting her and not telling her to stop?

’She started it'

Sounds to me like the mother is using her daughter to settle her own score with the neighbour. Disgusting. I would definitely be reporting - what shitty excuse for a parent exploits their child’s SEN to get revenge on people they fall out with.

"Immediate harm" in terms of what help to seek would mean imminent threat to life or safety. There is no imminent threat to her life or safety. If there was then OP should call 999 regardless of whether or not the elderly neighbour wants to involve the police.

As there is no imminent threat to life or safety, the OP should support/encourage the neighbour to contact the relevant authorities however this should be led by the neighbour as she may not want to involve them.

What exactly are you not understanding from my clarification? You seem to be looking for an argument.

My son has autism and I know several children with autism.

The ones I know are all lovely children but sometimes get overwhelmed when feeling very stressed. They can come across as badly behaved to others at these times but really it is because they they lack the skills to cope with a stressful situation. They can be taught strategies to manage meltdowns.

Of course, like any children, they can sometimes engage in ‘normal’ misbehaviour.

None of the children I know would bully another person like this - and their parents would never let them away with it even if they tried. If my son has ever come across as rude to anyone I have apologised to them and explained the situation.

I constantly teach my son the expected way to behave as he has to grow up and go out into the world one day and people will not be tolerant of him behaving however he feels.

I just felt like I made it worse, the mum’s weird reaction of “she started it” , she obviously feels that we are horrible people

OP, the mother's view of you is irrelevant. As many other posters have stated, this is a campaign of harassment and the target is vulnerable and living alone. She needs your support and she needs this behaviour to be challenged and stopped. Since the mother is actively justifying and encouraging this bullying campaign, it will require the intervention of the police or social services or some relevant authority to put an end to this. The child's behaviour is appalling. Her mother's response to it is despicable.

@KKSlider
If you want to quibble about whether the neighbour is being harmed by a campaign of bullying? Knock yourself out. Can't be bothered to be honest.

I'm not the one quibbling, you're the one persistently picking fault with my posts. But yeah, crack on.

Actually someone shouting through someone's letter box does warrant 999 call. It doesn't matter what immediate physical harm you think there is. What matters is what harm the victim think there is. Just because it's child doing it, doesn't mean it cannot feel threatening.

Sounds to me like the mother is using her daughter to settle her own score with the neighbour. Disgusting. I would definitely be reporting - what shitty excuse for a parent exploits their child’s SEN to get revenge on people they fall out with

Well said.

It is not a matter for 999. 101 maybe, if its happening there and then, but not 999.

Oh my god🙄

Police. Every single time. The mother will soon get fed up with them calling.

I’d be calling the police or Social Services maybe the family need support. It’s unacceptable even if she has extra needs.

Pikachu it isn’t the child’s fault. She is 6, and is being goaded on by her mother. Most 6 year olds, regardless of SEN, would go along with what their parents tell them to do.

Unless you are suggesting super-soaking the mother? In which case fair enough.

Suggesting firing a super soaker at a disabled child is disgusting, she isn't an animal. The mother is at fault here not the child.

This makes me so angry. My DM loves her garden and would say to someone not to pick her flowers. The thought that she would be abused in this way by a child is disgraceful. That poor lady. The child shouldn't be touching her property any way. What if she is anxious about the spread of cocos on her letterbox etc. Her anxiety must be through the roof

Autistic or not if my ds did that to a neighbour he would be brought back inside each time until the behaviour stopped.Thats piss poor parenting.

Unacceptable. I also wonder if the mother is mentally unwell. Either that or she simply isn't a nice person.

It's your business for three reasons: You know the older neighbour welcomes your support, the screaming, bullying words are disturbing your own family (and probably others living nearby), and it's the decent thing to do, to intervene (responsibly, in a measured way) when you witness someone being mistreated. You needn't be the victim to report criminal or antisocial behaviour.

I would definitely report it to police. The 6-yr-old be will be fine. Possibly she or her mother need support. (Or more likely a lesson in manners and anger management.)

As a mother of an autistic child, this is not acceptable. I feel more and more people are using autism as an excuse for bad behaviour these days. Extremely frustrating. Feel sorry for the poor neighbour

I would call the police. A lot of the behaviour would be considered antisocial and abusive, whatever the age of the child. The police will then pay them a visit and issue a warning initially which will hopefully work.

It's your business for three reasons: You know the older neighbour welcomes your support, the screaming, bullying words are disturbing your own family (and probably others living nearby), and it's the decent thing to do, to intervene (responsibly, in a measured way) when you witness someone being mistreated. You needn't be the victim to report criminal or antisocial behaviour

Yes. The elderly neighbour is alone and vulnerable. This is not a one off incident. It is a sustained campaign of abuse, bullying. It's a hate campaign and the mother is actively encouraging it. Imagine how this child will be at 16 if this is the parental role model she has? I feel very sorry for the old lady and as you say, if the OP can hear this, so presumably can other neighbours. It is anti social harassment. It will continue and may escalate if nothing is done.

6-7? surely by now it would be put them under your arm and carry them off... (and yes I have done that with an autistic child having a post school meltdown)

You did the right thing speaking up. It is worth a call to the police, the single neighbour is being targeted.

The child needs a swift sharp spank on the bum and to be carried inside and taught how to behave. The mother needs parenting classes. That poor neighbour getting abuse throgh her letterbox! Some people are shameless.

And now we have someone advocating spanking an autistic child.

The child is not at fault here, she is being let down by her mother and it is the mother at fault.