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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

528 replies

hellosunshine5 · 09/05/2020 20:06

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

  • I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.
  • England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.
  • I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
tillytown · 09/05/2020 20:55

If you have got to the stage in life where you are blaming millions of people you don't know for your problems, maybe its time for therapy?

Helpmyhair2019 · 09/05/2020 20:55

Perhaps due to the exact reasons the op stated?

brakethree · 09/05/2020 20:55

Will all due respect OP you cannot compare prices in Hamilton to living in London, and you know that. I can understand why you would want to be in NZ right now.

I have lived in NZ and the first thing that struck me when I came back was how overcrowded the UK had become in a relatively short time. I still don't like how crowded and congested it is. I think there is a lot of competition here but would ask if you've lived in Auckland? I found it exactly the same, not everyone but still there - the pushy parents, where you lived etc, you find that the world over.

Helpmyhair2019 · 09/05/2020 20:56

Why because someone has a different opinion to you does it mean they need therapy?!

megladon2020 · 09/05/2020 20:57

As an Irish person living in an expensive city in SE England there are lots of positives and negatives.

Pros:
Weather is fab in comparison to where I grew up. We've had warm sunshine every day for the past 2 months.
Job opportunities is great and I've got a great career and reputation here
Close to London which I love
Close to channel tunnel

Cons:
I'm lucky I am a homeowner but housing is so expensive as is most other things- childcare, kids clubs, services
No sense of community- lived in house 15 years and don't feel part of community, apart from school mums

I'd hate to travel into London for work (did it whilst doing a PhD and that was enough). Maybe move somewhere else in U.K. Like the SW with fab beaches and maybe a more NZ way of life.

cologne4711 · 09/05/2020 20:57

I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it

I think this is a genuine issue in the more affluent areas, but it's not remotely confined to England or the UK. Humans are humans, and well off people everywhere like everyone to know it.

Some town centres have completely inadequate parking but there's an easy solution to that (which is hopefully about to become even easier), cycle. Or walk! Or use online shopping (in normal non-covid times).

SueEllenMishke · 09/05/2020 20:57

Try living in the north.... cheaper houses and loads of space!
Your problem is London not England.

Unravellingslowly · 09/05/2020 20:57

@hellosunshine5 having spent several months in NZ YANBU.
If OH didn’t have health problems we would happily have moved there. It was like U.K. used to be decades ago.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/05/2020 20:57

YABU as the reasons you give don't apply to most of the country only the tiny overcrowded corner you have chosen to live in.

I live on the edge of greenbelt between 2 large cities in England. My house was easily affordable. I have big gardens and hills and woodland walks from my doorstep. I also have easy access, during normal times of course, to a full range of museums, theatre, country parks, shops, restaurants etc etc.

No-one has to live in London. Revolutionary, I know.

Bumsmet · 09/05/2020 20:57

I wouldn’t move back to England if you paid me

NailsNeedDoing · 09/05/2020 20:58

I feel privileged to live in the UK, comparing globally, were obviously some of the lucky ones. But the more I experience other cultures attitudes towards everyday things, the more I realise that Britain isn’t the amazing utopia I was led to believe through primary school teaching of ww2 and years of waving union flags and St. George’s crosses for various events every so often. I can just about cope with the weather in the SE, I’m glad I don’t have to deal with even worse weather further north and I’d love to try living somewhere warmer.

tillytown · 09/05/2020 21:00

Helpmyhair2019 - Yes, if they are blaming others, in this case a country, for their issues they should go for therapy. It will help them, why is this a problem for you? Don't you want the OP to be happy?

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/05/2020 21:02

Move back to NZ then. If you are that miserable, make a change.

megladon2020 · 09/05/2020 21:02

@Tunnocks34 the north is brilliant and lots of people live across the border in Ireland but work in the north.

user1495884620 · 09/05/2020 21:02

I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

And yet you aren't satisfied with your one bedroom flat when your friends in New Zealand have houses. Be satisfied with what you have before you start complaining about other people not being satisfied with their lot.

Celeriacacaca · 09/05/2020 21:02

Long term Kiwi in London here. Not sure when you were last in NZ but there aren't many places you can get housing like that any more, and the cost of living e.g. food is so high. Check the rose-tinted glasses, perhaps?

I love love love London and the UK! I miss NZ a lot but couldn't live there again.

Helpmyhair2019 · 09/05/2020 21:02

I have not said I don’t want to op to be happy! But hey no! Just wondering why as 50% of people so far have agreed with her, it means she needs therapy just because she doesn’t like this country!

Sometimeswinning · 09/05/2020 21:03

@Hadenoughfornow I know! I usually ignore it but people are being a little extra this week.

tillytown · 09/05/2020 21:06

Helpmyhair - OK, you win. She shouldn't take responsibility of her own life, and should stay somewhere that makes her miserable :)

BarbaraofSeville · 09/05/2020 21:07

hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it

I never understand people who say things like this. Surely to be bothered by the 'competitiveness' you have to be comparing your house, holidays, schools, cars with others, so you only have yourself to blame if it is an issue to you? Otherwise you'd just get on with your own life and do/buy the things that suit you?

chocolatviennois · 09/05/2020 21:08

I find that the roads are too busy in England and it is hard to enjoy the seaside in the South East as beaches get too crowded. I once visited New Zealand and loved it. It is a beautiful country and the people are very friendly. However I think I would find the pace of life too slow so have never wanted to live there. The advantage of living in the UK is that there is a lot of culture - theatres, concerts etc. I like the UK climate and there is beautiful scenery away from the cities. I like being able to easily travel to France and other European countries by train or car/boat. As I don't like flying I could not imagine being in New Zealand and not being able to easily visit other countries or speak different languages.
I have found things a little depressing in England since the Brexit vote but cannot really imagine living anywhere else.

Random452 · 09/05/2020 21:08

I wouldn't say it's insufferable. There are good points and bad points, but for me, the good far outweighs the bad. England is not just London and the commuter towns- there are cheaper places to live where property is more affordable.

I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot

I think this is more a reflection of the people you have around you. Stop trying to compete with others and you will be happier in yourself.

Doubletrouble99 · 09/05/2020 21:09

Well of course the UK isn't just England and England isn't just London. We lived near Cambridge for many years. My DH was from Kent and had commuted into London for years and the last thing he wanted to do was ever move back to the South East. Cambs. was getting busier and busier and when we had the chance we moved to East Lothian in Scotland, easy trains into Edinburgh for culture and shopping but gorgeous beaches and a lovely life.

OneandTwenty · 09/05/2020 21:11

British people are really unwelcoming

corythatwas · 09/05/2020 21:11

I am from abroad (Scandinavia) and have lived here 28 years. Have always loved it, but feel very confused and unhappy at the moment with the weird jingoistic/suicidal/anti-democratic spirit that seemed to have taken hold in the country. People calmly accepting behaviour from the government or an attitude in wider society that would have been completely unacceptable in the England I used to know. It's like seeing a family member suddenly start acting strangely: you still love them but feel frightened and bewildered.

I will not be moving: this is my home, my life is here.

Totally agree with FreddieFox, though, that competitiveness is something you choose to engage with

Should perhaps add that I was also very happy in my old country: I moved for love and not to get away. So I do know I could live somewhere else. But I won't. I have put down roots here.