AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

@LizzieSiddal
YANBU. I’m just ashamed to be English at the moment. The govt is inept, tens of thousands are dying unnecessarily

I'm not ashamed to be English, yes, our gvnt is a fucking joke, but there are a lot of other worse places.

Op - you are only seeing 1 side of England, its a big old place with plenty of other options for living. Try a different location.

I live in the SE, sure its expensive in areas, but there are also places where its not so expensive

Thing is OP

The world is horrendously overpopulated. I don’t know where you can go to escape.

I don’t know about competition because I’ll never be in that income bracket. But if you need to be near work, it’s very hard.

You can reject money competition by refusing that kind of attitude though.

I live in a tower block. Today’s short walk round houses with gardens, all I could hear was screaming kids. It takes extreme wealth to escape that kind of thing, or extreme isolation, which then means a very long commute to work. Unless you can go self sufficient.

Just moved down from Scotland. This is genuinely the best summer weather wise I’ve had in 20 years and it’s only May. Love it.

Sounds like a problem with the south East. We're in Cornwall now but have lived in various other parts of the UK. I see these problems very accurately with my relatives in London and Surrey. I dont know why they stay. Definitely not the same in most of the UK.

I live in the UK rather than England and where I live its bloody lovely. I know of similar cities in England though so agree you have a London problem. Is going back to NZ an option? It sounds like you would be happier there.

I think it depends on where in England you live tbh.

I’m not from the UK but lived there from the mid-1990s till late 2019, when I left because, despite having a lot of affection for England (I lived in London, Oxford, Cornwall and the Midlands), I realised I no longer liked the society it had become. Despite the inevitable disruptions of an international move with a young child, and Covid-19 wrecking my new job and house purchase, it’s already clear it was the best thing I could have done.

Crack on and leave if you don’t like it. I love where I live and have a lovely life. I feel very lucky but have worked hard for my lot.

So leave.

The south east is pretty unpleasant. Have lived in this region for nearly thirty years.
As retirement beckons we are looking to move far away from it.

Go away then.

I have lived in the US. Was homesick every single hour of every single day, although I did actually enjoy it there.

I adore the UK. Like to visit other places but would NEVER live anywhere else.

Why don't you move to a different part of the country , I'd feel pretty down and despondent tbh if I had a well paid job but could still only afford to live in a tiny flat.

I'm happy here but I don't live anywhere near London, nor do I commute to work.

I live in a little seaside town up north. Numerous beaches practically on my doorstep, the national park is 20 minutes away - it's paradise and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I don't earn much but I don't need to as it's not expensive to live where I do.

You couldn't pay me to live near London and commute there daily though. Fuck that

I just had to pop in and say, are we the same person?! I was born in the UK, moved to New Zealand when I was 11 and then came back by myself when I was 23. I met my now-fiancé and have been living in SE London for seven years! I completely relate to everything you’ve said - I don’t really like the culture (or the government) in the UK. That being said, there are so many things that I love about it. The history, the countryside, the quaint little villages... I do my best to focus on those aspects and try to ignore the things that I don’t particularly like. But I’m sure my friends and family back in New Zealand think I’m crazy for choosing to live here!

I've lived in a few countries and different places in England. Your experience does sound like mine in the south east commuter belt, but my life in the south west is very different. So I don't think it's England so much as specific parts of England

That's funny, normally MN is full of threads dissing Ol' Blighty.
Hope you find somewhere to live where you feel happy, OP.

I can think of far worse places to live. It might depend where abouts in England you live and what you enjoy as well, but if you don't like it then you don't like it, that's fair enough. I feel very fortunate to live here, having lived abroad and in several places within the UK.

Most of Suffolk is fields lol not really over crowded.

Have you considered moving somewhere outside of London? There are many places outside of London that you could commute from that isn’t as crowded. We live near Oxford and my husband commutes in by train or car while I commute to Oxford. We live in a four double bedroom semi on a quiet estate that has green spaces. We’re not rural, but not overcrowded either.

Errr.... England isn’t just London and the south east! I lived in a rough miserable city in NZ called Hamilton, I didn’t judge the whole of NZ based on that!
I now live in Gloucestershire, surrounded by the Cotswolds, it’s a beautiful place. Look life in the UK is very different to NZ, it’s a different culture and a very different pace of life. Maybe you should try a different area though.

YANBU to prefer NZ over the UK, since it’s your home. Perhaps the issue here is that you spent your formative years in NZ, liked it there, and were it not for your relationship intended to return?

YANBU to dislike commuting life/housing prices in the south east!

Come to Lincolnshire! You’d get a mansion up here for the cost of a one bed poky flat in London.

I think you’re just living in the wrong bit of England. It isn’t all like that. I hate London and would never choose to live near it.

There's nothing wrong with London, the South East, England. It's YOU. But that's ok, just recognise it and go where YOU will be happy. I'm London born and bred, as is DH. We have a wonderful life here as do most of our friends and family. Ok, we're getting "older" now (very early 60s) but we did all the commuting, work/life, kids. It's our home but it sounds like you don't feel at home. Don't blame us though