AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

@yve62 - go for it! You'll always regret it if you don't (and can always come back to the UK if you don't like it). Plus, if you move before the end of the transition period you'll have the same rights as before the UK left the EU.

You're absolutely right. Life is very short. Luckily I have dual nationality (half French) but I feel sorry for the youngsters who may not have the same freedom of movement once Brexit is finalised.

I find the politics insufferable mainly because of the poor calibre of politicians making misguided or ill thought out decisions. I am Scots/Irish but have lived in England for most of my adult life and cannot really afford to move and start again under better government in the devolved Scotland or cash in my Irish duality and move to Ireland.
So I am left in a rural and pretty area of England where the inhabitants seem to think Tory rule is fine. I see it as Tory hell

I absolutely could not live in London.
I despise the politics of the uneducated and their right-wing tendencies.
Most town centres are an embarrassment.
In fact, England itself has made itself an utter laughing stock to the rest of the world over the past few years and is continuing to do so in the pandemic.
I despair.

Twillow I wonder wat are you comparing all this with? Do you mean you like rural living or another specific country?

as you’ve lived in NZ from the age of 8 to 20, you’re not culturally English, hence why you don’t feel like you fit in.
This may be the case for the OP, but doesn't apply to all at all! Just because you grow up in one country doesn;t mean you that person culturally forever and will always want to live there! I didn't grow up on London but seen it as my home for 20 yrs, I've moved now as I wanted a house instead of a small flat and I'm older and don't enjoy the daily rush, but I'm still a Londoner in spirit and stay there a lot.

There are many nice places and nice people in England overall, there are dumps and a stupid contingent too - like in many other countries. But English humour and English TV is the best!
Cleanliness of the streets- not so much, we are losing on that.

As for politics, not many Euro countries are happy with their govts, and it's all a bit chaotic everywhere.

Aus might be different but I would never want to live so far from Europe where I love the variety, and it's all a few hours flight. And would not want that level of heat!

YANBU I grew up in the south-east but emigrated to Australia in my 20s. Life is much better here. I agree with what you say about the competitiveness in England.

Oh god it's embarrassing being British. Desperately trying to move to Europe!

I love living in England, it is beautiful!
I like the people, the culture, the history and the countryside, the changing seasons and most of all the fact it is home.

Just leave, you don't have to stay. Move to NZ. I did, and I was bored as hell and came back after 5 months, but you may love it! You are a free person. Try somewhere new.

I think if you have problems you think may be solved by moving elsewhere - then do it - but not everyone in England is massively competitive about houses or other aspects of their lives. So yes a bigger property - less traffic or more car parking - absolutely great but your point about competitiveness I don't agree with wholeheartedly - lots of people are very happy with their lot.

Anyway - best wishes - whatever you decide @hellosunshine5

I live in Northumberland. We have a large, 3 bed detached house with huge garden and we have a combined income of £50k so neither of us are highly paid. He works in sales and I work in admin/marketing.

What you have described down south is very different from what I know up here. I am very proud to be from the north east, but I am not proud to be from England. I don't feel like decisions the government make fit up here. They don't think about us, they only think about London, or perhaps cities like Manchester. If it works there, it must work everywhere, right?

On a side note, I love this thread. So many little arguments declaring that other countries don't have any history or global contributions, people telling OP to "go back where they came from"...I mean, this attitude is literally why many other people from other countries think we're a bunch of self-centred, racist twats.

Sounds as if it’s your friends/acquaintances who are at least part of the problem. Not all English people are desperate for the newest car, etc., not by a long shot.
And as someone who lived in other countries for many years, may I just point out that wanting the latest car/designer this or that, is very far from an English-only problem! The most extreme examples I’ve ever known were not English or even any variety of Brit.

Having said that, if going back to NZ is going to make you happy, why not do it?

Well if you insist on living in the shittest part of the country then that would be your experience. England is a big place.

@ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal - Ahhh - try to be kind - I live in London & yes could have a bigger house / garden elsewhere but I love it. There are parts of England I personally would not want to live in but am sure others love it there. Let's live & let live shall we. My little area and my neighbours are lovely. If OP hates England then so be it. But I would not presume to tell people their area is shitty. But where I do agree with you is there are lots and lots of very nice places in England / UK.

I love being English and living in England. I've lived on the edge of London but in postal district most of my life and would not move. I'm not surrounded by Brexiters, I think you have to go a bit more countryside for that. However down the road there is a charming village, woods and ponds, etc, despite being London Borough.

When I was younger I loved the fact I could get up to central London on public transport fairly quickly (unless trains weren't running smoothly, cancellations etc), I worked there and often went out in the evening. It was easy to get home afterwards.

People unfamiliar with London think of blocks of flats and small terraced houses close together, yellow lines, etc. Of course there are places like that but plenty of really nice, comfortable areas with parks and gardens - and parking :-). As a youngster I'd have been quite happy to live in a tiny flat in London, handy for work and social life, but as you get older, it's natural to want more space. I'm content where I am.

I always enjoyed holidays in the UK easily as much, if not more, than on the continent. As a family we had some lovely times, North Norfolk figured quite a lot, so much of it is unspoiled.

I do find Boris and the government highly embarrassing at the moment but am not embarrassed about being British.

If the south- east is the 'shittest' part of the country, why is it so expensive? That's not to say that cheaper areas of the UK equate to being 'shit' but It is simply not true.

I live in Brighton and love it, I equally love Shropshire where my Mum lives. I know people who live in commuter towns like Horsham and Dorking and they are find the quality of life really good. I love the fact that we can go to London for the cultural attractions and the trains are clean and empty on Saturday lunchtime when we go up. We meet my Dad at London Bridge in an hour. The trains in Shropshire are dire and even though my Mum lives about an hour from Birmingham on a train we always drive as you never get a seat due to only two carriages running. My point is there are pluses and minuses all over and I really don't recognise this version of the south east!

On a side note, I love this thread. So many little arguments declaring that other countries don't have any history or global contributions, people telling OP to "go back where they came from"...I mean, this attitude is literally why many other people from other countries think we're a bunch of self-centred, racist twats.

I also find it funny when people say they like the changing seasons, or four seasons - as if the UK is the only part of the world where this happens!

YABU, it's nothing like that in Manchester, or I imagine in most places. Maybe it's your area and circle of people.

I live in the 'shittest part of the country' ie the south east, and love it. I grew up in the north east, and tbh I prefer it down south.
Also not even slightly bothered about what people in other countries think about British people. I don't judge other people by their nationality, people are people.

If the south- east is the 'shittest' part of the country, why is it so expensive?

It's expensive because that's where London is, and the areas around capital cities are always exorbitantly expensive. If Manchester or Liverpool or Newcastle was the capital, then it's those areas that would be the expensive ones.

I would never go back to living down south. Far too expensive and overcrowded for what you get.

I also find it funny when people say they like the changing seasons, or four seasons - as if the UK is the only part of the world where this happens!
The second part of your sentence is a bit of a projection.I love the seasons whilst being fully aware that other countries also have four seasons. Or should we only like things that are exclusive to the UK?

Op, I also think you are underestimating how much your ideas about what constitutes a 'good' life have been influenced by your childhood/teenage years being brought up in a different culture. I grew up in London and we did have a detached house but it was urban living in a northern European country that is very different to New Zealand. My parents would read Wind in the Willows, Beatrix Potter and the non Disney Winnie the Pooh tales to me when I was little, I was bought The chronicles of Narnia, The borrowers and later the Complete Works of Shakespeare to read. They were political in their 60's youth and they encouraged discussions about politics as we became teens, it wasn't unusual in my experience in urban London in the 80's for my friends' parents to be the same. We had musical instrument practice and regional orchestra attendance. Basically, the cultural references that make me account for somewhere being comfortable and familiar are probably is why what you describe as 'bad' I would describe as 'good' as it's what my expectations have been in my life.

I disagree, it's not just about being near the Capital. I live in Brighton and it's not just 'good' because it is nearish to London, it is 'great' in it's own right!

Everyone has different personalities and experiences growing up, so you develop certain preferences. This could change in different stages, what you want in youth or a parent or in retirement could be very different. I dont see the point of dissing any place or its inhabitants over another.

If you don't like or cant hack urban or suburban living, move to another town, village or the countryside. If you dont like our capital city, there are other cities. If you love the slower pace and vast sparsely populated natural space of NZ, and can move there, move. I thought it was stunning as a tourist but I cannot imagine living and working anywhere vaguely rural with kids. There is also the economic aspect and a reason why populations gravitate to city centres. By definition more people = more competition. I like competition. You get the very best from all walks.

I'm in a London suburb very near to miles of woodland walks and beautiful villages. It's not my ideal - duller than I hoped, I don't fit in at all with the local community and I'm disappointed because I cant afford to be in more central London with the space I have, but I still feel extremely fortunate to be where I am.

Luna, the UK is in Europe - the continent (although not now the EU)

"Oh god it's embarrassing being British. Desperately trying to move to Europe!"

It doesn't matter where you move, you'll still be British. Just think of all those foreigners sniggering behind your back.