AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

Tillytown - wasn’t aware it was a competition. Just thought we were adults with opinions

Surely the obvious is answer was always going to be that some people like it and others don't? I'm sure some people find NZ insufferable too!

I'm similar to you - I was born and raised in another country to English parents. I lived in England for quite a few years as a teen/young adult and didn't like it much. Too cold, crowded, the culture seems to be for everyone to be competitively miserable/jaded/cynical. Drinking culture is horrible. School uniforms are weird. I could go on but nobody wants to hear a load of bitching about England!

And anyway I'm sure lots of people would hate things about my country too. I do myself! Just not as many as I do about England. We're all different.

We spent a number of years living abroad and we do feel settled in the UK. We deliberately decided not to live in the SE as we wanted a different lifestyle.

We’d like to move to Australia at some point, ideally Perth, in about 10 years, but that is very much job dependent.

Having lived in so many places, it really is what you make of it.

That's just your experience OP. Valid but...
I love living in England (I have lived in Australia, France, Spain and Peru too) for the following reasons

• the climate. 4 distinct seasons, never too hot or too cold, no nasty cockroaches or poisonous spiders
• the history and culture. I went to New York recently and everything looked the same. I live the architecture here
• the proximity to Europe. Such a wealth of cultures to explore on our doorstep.
• my family is here
• some parts are stunningly beautiful (Northumberland, Cornwall, Scotland, the Lakes...)
• the dry humour and self deprecation. I prefer UK TV for this reason. Edgy arts scene too

YABU. A lot of it is down to whereabouts in the country you choose to live, who you choose to associate with etc. I found the SE a bit too busy, so now I live in Cumbria. I don't know anybody who's competitive about houses and cars, there's little traffic, everyone is friendly, the countryside is spectacular. The whole Brexit thing and the rise in nationalistic attitudes are awful but I never see any evidence of it in rl. And besides, nationalistic attitudes and racism are hardly only an English problem.

I love the UK. I don't think it's insufferable. I think people who constantly moan about it are insufferable though. If you don't like it pack a bag and go.

I think England is a great country to live in but the SE is not the best area. Like you I live near London and I find my commuter town incredibly dull and over crowded (they keep building horrid new builds on greenbelt). That said, we’ve found it relatively easy to secure and keep really well paid jobs and life is very comfortable, schools are good and weather is mild.

NZ is beautiful. My husband is half kiwi and my SIL lives there. I couldn’t do it - I love being able to have a weekend in Berlin, or drive to France - the cultural diversity we have on our doorstep here is great. I think NZ is one of the few places where house prices are worse than ours. I certainly know DH’s white collar cousins struggled to get on the ladder.

We are actually looking at relocating after Covid but I don’t think England is a terrible place to live - we have the NHS, mild weather, proximity to mainland Europe and good educational and career opportunities.

I’ve lived all over OP & much of the UK is a massive shit hole. I’m hoping to leave within the next few years. NZ every time for me!

With you OP. I've been in the UK a couple of decades and I've really gone off it with the whole Brexit craziness and the ten tears of austerity before.

A large part of how you feel seems to be because of where you live.
That's not representing England as a whole.
I'm in a small coastal Town in the North East.
House prices are way way cheaper, which I'm sure you will know already.

People are generally friendly up here (and many other places too) I don't think folk up here are really competitive but I can't be arsed with that bull shit and don't play along anyway so I can't be certain.
Obviously you can always come across people like that but I find them easy to avoid.
I've never had that problem on a shopping trip. Somewhere like Metrocentre at Christmas maybe but not an everyday occurrence.
I have lived abroad, in a capital city and it was grim tbh - not the place itself, I lived on the outskirts near a forest but had to commute in to the centre and it was hell. Constantly busy, packed roads and transport and masses and masses of people. Not for me, I was glad to return to my quiet home Town.

There are areas of England that aren't over crowded (there are even areas of London which aren't but they would cost an arm and a leg), have you thought about moving further out.....from wherever you are at present? I live on the outskirts of London with plenty of space around me and very near to green places, with an easy commute in to central London.

Remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side. NZ has many issues including gangs, racism, massive family violence and child abuse rates, and being so up it's own arse it can't even build a road properly because they want to do things differently to the rest of civilisation.
10yrs here and I can't wait to get back to UK - be gone Coronavirus!

I suppose there is a difference depending on what you see as the alternative. Pp have mentioned the history and the climate so presumably are thinking of non-European alternatives: I keep thinking to myself "but you could have that in any European country. There isn't less history in France and you certainly get 4 seasons in Germany".

Move to Scotland it's way less crowded here and very like NZ so they say.

The main problem with England is that it is very crowded: there are an awful lot of people. The SE in particular is very heavily populated. The result? Sky-high house prices, crowded roads (with wanky driving to match), struggling public transport, not enough green space.

I can see exactly why someone from NZ (same size as the UK, 1/10th the people) would find it unbearable.

if you move to a country and live in the most densely populated area, where 3/4 of the population live in the SE ......what do you expect?

Move somewhere that isn't so crowded, but you must understand that you picked the most expensive and over crowded area.

There are beautiful Market towns, rolling countryside with a lot fewer people living and still a decent amount of amenities in other areas north of the Watford gap

Come up north and try them out

YABU - sounds like you’ve decided to move back abroad again, and sounds like the right decision for you, but you’re making judgements based on London. I’ve lived in London and absolutely get where you’re coming from. I hated London, for lots of the reasons you’ve given, but after moving North a few years ago, I haven’t looked back and now love living in the U.K. travelled a lot, but always glad to come home.

You’re living in the wrong part of the country.

I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.
No way. T'is the way of our times. It's the same entitledness across the 'developed world--.

It is lovely. I wouldn't live anywhere else but if people don't like it and you have the NZ option by all means take that option.

London is overcrowded and dirty. I live in SE and it's lovely. I walk my dogs daily around the farm fields or Cliff tops or beaches. I am close to town but also surrounded my greenery. Nobody I know cares who has what or who goes where on holiday. Houses in or around London are stupidly priced and you can get more for your money by buying somewhere further away. If you moved to Norfolk your get a beautiful house with land for less than a house in London! (People there are also really friendly too)

Move when the restrictions are lifted. Simple.

I lived in London after university for a couple of years, near Putney Bridge.It was great for what I wanted at the time but I could not have settled there for the reasons you have outlined. It was a lovely area, great house (not mine, I had a room) but the traffic was dire, everything was a tube journey away, it was expensive, noisy, dirty. There was a lot I loved about London but the quality of life wasn't great. People spent so much of their time travelling to work and back.

There is much more to Britain than London and the south-east.

We live in the north-east of England on the coast and we love it. We have a large Edwardian terraced house, large garden, on a private road overlooking parkland. It would cost 7 or 8 or more times what it cost us here if it was in as nice a bit of London.

We've got miles of lovely beaches and countryside on our doorstep- 5 minutes walk.Fresh air. Lovely village. Not much traffic. DH drives to work in 15 minutes. Great local schools 5 minutes walk away.

Newcastle is a 20 minute drive or 20 minutes on the metro but we rarely go. Northumberland is beautiful.

We aren't bothered about cars- I have a newish one but my last one was 8 years old. DH's car is 5 years old.

Don't judge us by London.

We took a year out after a health crisis to travel and, given that DH said he'd never let a Kiwi he hadn't liked, we went there for three and a half months (and some other places too before and after). We loved NZ, and its people, and the landscapes. It was awesomely beautiful from Cape Reinga south to Milford. We loved it so much we talked about emigrating to Christchurch quite seriously. But when we returned, DFIL was dying so we couldn't leave DMIL bereaved in the lurch, and DM is also elderly and we were the relatives in the UK. We had responsibilities here and a business with seven employees that is going to help pay our pension, as long as it's well run. So we haven't followed the dream and secretly, I'm not sad because while I like geography and NZ has it in spades I prefer history. My mum grew up in a farmhouse recorded in the Domesday Book. No indoor plumbing during the war years. I love the continuously inhabited landscape that endless generations have worked to improve.

You live in the wrong part of England.