AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

@Witchesandwizards @bettybattenburg I'm sure I could find a lovely, remote home somewhere in the UK for £300k, but most people can't simply choose where they live based on finding a house they like. They have to be able to work, be near family and friends.

It's not in a remote area, you could easily work in Christchurch area if you lived there, it's a 1/2 an hour drive.

Live in London, Hampshire and Central Scotland. Financially my businesses are based in the London so makes sense to have a home in the south east and commute. I have a London flat to make it easier when I work late. I love near the New Forest which is lovely and peaceful, I like the hustle and bustle of London but I love being able to get away from it. My heart is truly in Scotland and I couldn't give up our home. If I never had to work another day in my life I would move back full time within a heartbeat.

I’ve just watched Only Fools and Horses on UK gold. A Jolly Boys Outing. Reminds me very much of Old England.

love that episode. Yes definitely a good snapshot of a simpler time.

Yes it does. British rail, no mobiles , no internet. Life seemed more simple then, I can just about remember 1989!!

London itself is too busy and too transient to care what the neighbours are doing (apart from the wealthiest enclaves - and then these are mostly foreigners who are not there much, just visiting).
This is so not true. London isn't just a place for people to pop in for a few years, get some money and experience and then clear off. As well as the transient population it's full of natives and new natives who have chosen to stay. An American friend once told me that there were no English people here and I told him he needed to get out more, there's plenty of us with long term roots and families in London, he just wasn't interested. I've been surprised at how little most of my friends from other countries attempt to integrate, even when they've decided to stay forever. They stick to other people from other countries and don't really want to get to know English people. Most of them have kids now in their teens up to early 20s and they find it hard to come to terms with the fact that their kids are English, I'm not sure what they thought would happen. These are lovely people, friends I value very much but I've had to patiently help them to understand us Londoners a bit more.

Antibles -

I agree OP. England is overcrowded and for some unfathomable reason, well off people seem to want to continue to import additional people to the tune of a quarter of a million people a year.

What makes healthy economic activity and a more realistic balance of tax receipts vs pension outgoings "unfathomable"? Immigration is good for the economy, it's not really complicated.

I think YABU but then again I am English so I don't have anything to compare it with. I think the fabric of English culture is in myths, legends and folklore and that makes it a culturally interesting and a captivating place to live. I don't recognise the dullness that you have experienced but maybe that is because I am not a commuter, living in a generic place in the south east, in a tiny flat. I don't think that British people are naturally competitive at all in fact I'd go as far to say they are on the lazier end of the spectrum.

I am a New Zealander who has lived in London for 15 years and yes in some ways I do know what you mean for sure but I suspect it all feels so much worse right now in this pandemic. There is a lot to love about London too but there is no access to the best bits of London right now.

I also suspect we look at NZ with rose tinted glasses having watched friends and family return and find it not so easy to settle back into life there (but yes they do all live in massive houses!!).

Sorry I missed a few words and fullstops etc there but you get the point!

It's funny how people say London is unfriendly. I find if you smile and are friendly to others that it is generally reciprocated. Sometimes people appear scared of me when I am friendly though which is quite funny

Like I am scamming them or something!

I also would like to live somewhere else. The national average wage compared to housing costs just makes it so so hard for people to get on the ladder. Everyone practically lives on top of one another. I’m with you OP I want out of england.

The problem is definitely London and the South East. I have lived here all my life and hate it with a passion. I’ve been desperately searching for somewhere countrified since getting inheritance (think Lincolnshire, Shropshire, Wiltshire, Devon, Cornwall, Wales. Basically anywhere but SE) and since lockdown I’ve lost my job so no chance of a mortgage to top up the inheritance so I guess I’m stuck here for now.

Sounds like Nirvana outside of London and the South East, rural properties available for a snip (ho ho) and no over-crowding. If you are thinking of decamping further North and reach the Midlands, please keep driving. It's busy here too and backwards, with many revelling in their own ignorance. The erudite and open-minded are in a minority around here and materialism is in evidence everywhere. Yes life in the UK is peachy, evidenced by the 70.9 MILLION prescriptions dispensed for antidepressants just in England in 2018.

I'd emigrate in a heartbeat if I could. But at 54 with little savings, there isnt a country that would take me

Estate agents have had a rush of British people wanting to look at country places.

Brexit has ruined living in England for me. Great Britain is turning into Little Britain, and I'm now ashamed to be English.

I have only lived in England and Scotland. England is beautiful but I dislike our culture.

Living in commutersville would be insufferable to me, in any country in the world

I live in commutersville but the area routinely comes high in quality of life surveys. Maybe compared with Vancouver or Vienna that's not saying much, but it's not so bad. The only bad thing about my town is that the shopping centre is so dull and given that there are a lot of well off people here with money to spend it's a bit strange none of the chains come here. I think they must assume everyone shops in places like Guildford and Kingston.

Best nation on earth.

If anyone wants one of the lovely bits try rural Northumberland.

When you fly over London it's very noticeable how green it is and how many parks there are. I have a book called Runner's London and it goes through every park and tells you the best trails etc.

The other city that is noticeably green is Leeds. The last time I was there I had a top floor room in the Premier Inn in Headingley so you get an amazing view. So much green.

And of course Edinburgh has its own mountain; nowhere in England (or anywhere else really) can compete with Edinburgh, it is one on its own although you don't have to go far outside Glasgow to have amazing countryside. However, I can imagine there's quite a lot of keeping up with the Jones that goes on in certain areas of Edinburgh, too.

I agree totally - DH and I moved to France 7 years ago, where life is totally different. We are in a very rural place, and its like going back to the 50's - everyone smiles at you, life is slower, food is seasonal, no crowds etc etc. We got so depressed in England, its changed so much from when I was a child. I hardly recognise it any more, I'm afraid. If it wasn't for our family, I would never go back.

I live in Scotland so sorry can’t help

Move to Scotland. I considered moving to SE England but the down sides you describe put me off. I stayed in Scotland and have a good lifestyle here. Of course if you've good reason like family to move to nz instead then do that. Having a good support network is important.