What has lockdown highlighted to you about your life?

[Ilovetea09]

Morning. I'm on day 54 of self isolation now. We are stuck in groundhog day and The kids are finding homeschool difficult and they miss their friends.
But we have been so lucky with the weather and to have a garden and are trying to make the best of it. We camped out there the other night which was great fun. Something we would never normally do. My husband is still working but when he's home I've noticed we've spent a lot more time together as a family which has been nice. Just doing simple things like playing outside, playing with toys.
We have been getting more exercise than we usually would which is a positive. We are eating less and spending less.

It has shown me how much I love travelling and going to the seaside /or on holiday. I really need something to look forward to it seems! And going on days out and the weekend, we really miss that.

But it's also shown me just how introverted I am, and my husband. My husband has always been antisocial, he had a few work friends /aqaintencies, but he's let them slip away and now has none. He says he's perfectly happy with this as hes never enjoyed friends!
Im similar in that I don't have a large group of friends. I have one best friend who I've not seen since February as she's living at a hospital with her sick baby for at least 6 months. My only other friends are school mums who I chat to at the gate. I aren't sad we haven't got friends but it has highlighted it to me when I see on social media people hosting quiz nights with friends and having group video chats etc.
Lockdown has also shown me how we aren't close to other family members and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. We all live locally to each other and we saw my parents and in laws every weekend before lockdown . But it was tedious and I don't have a good relationship with my narcissist father so the meetups were never fun anyway. I feel terrible saying this but to not see them has been quite freeing for me. My anxiety around my father has gone and I feel relaxed for the first time in years.
I don't know what our new normal will be going forward after lockdown but I do know that I want to change some things to live a happier and more fulfilling life than we were.
What has lockdown highlighted to you about your life?

I really need my job. I suppose I work perfect hours and I worked hard to get where I was. It makes me feel valid in a way. But I'm enjoying the time with the kids. I prefer when dh is busy as it doesn't work when we get under each other's feet.

I have still been out the house working during lockdown so haven't had total isolation.

But I live alone and this has made me realise: a) I do too much in normal times: I often have weeks where I am barely in in the evenings etc, and in spite of working 60 hours a week I think I am getting less tired during lockdown and b) that I need to cull those things back to the things I am really missing: swimming, and going out to cafes or round friends houses for dinner, and get rid of some of the stuff I did out of s feeling I should give back to society like cubs. I have done tonnes of volunteering and fundraising and being on committees over the years and I have always felt I had to because if we want these things to exist someone has to run them. But actually, I've done my fair share already, I don't have to keep doing it. And I can go back to it if I go part time at work sometime. And that actually my job (NHS) is already a contribution to society so I don't have to feel like I'm doing nothing. And then c) the local politics really sends me totally nuts and I don't know if I have the energy to get past that to do the good I want to do.

That without the brief hello or quick chat with the school mums, I actually don't have any adult conversation, and the lack of conversation with DH isn't down to him being busy, it's just that he has little interest in what I have to say. I'm basically background noise for DH and the kids. Oh, and that the anticipation of our yearly holiday is way more important than the holiday itself. Especially as I end up just chatting with the kids when I go

That how much us feeling OK depends upon our severely autistic son feeling OK. He isn't because lockdown has stopped him accessing the places that enable him to stay calm and seeing him so anxious is very hard to take.
It has also made us think more about plans for when he is an adult and what will and won't work. Being mainly dependent on us won't work. He needs others to interact with and places to go to.
Myself seeing family and friends and eating out etc has been far less of an issue I also miss the freedom to 'roam' outdoors but nothing like my son does.

Dh is a goodun.

I need a bigger fridge and more food storage space in the kitchen.

Im incredibly lucky to be in Denmark. The leadership shown by the pm, the flexicurity welfare system, having a public sector job, so much to be greatful for. It simply hasnt been as hard for us as it has in the UK.

I really miss going to the playpark and legoland!

We see lucky and privileged financially but we need more balance. Juggling work and a 3 and 1 year old has nearly pushed us to the brink and we’re not sure we can carry on as we are as our stress levels are through the Roof . Depending on the announcements on Sunday, we might need to make short-term changes but really they have been brewing for a while.

I’ve also realised lockdown experience is not equal. I’ve got friends who are having a lovely time. We just feel like we are failing at work, parenting and haven’t got any time to spend as a couple.

How quickly my mental health can deteriorate. I’d been doing really well for a few years. It’s gone in a few weeks. I can’t function now.

I already knew I didn't like people and this has really rammed it home.
I am 100% confident I have chosen the right husband (I may have ended up in the news for murder if I was still with XH).
I was genuinely exhausted - I thought I was a bit poorly over the winter. I had to give up going to the gym and started scoffing vitamins etc. and still didn't feel well. I feel so much better for not having a commute and not doing too much overtime!

I like your OP, OP. I think lockdown has highlighted to you what you really want - really NEED - in your life. It's so easy to put other people's needs and desires before our own, to the extent we don't even know what we want anymore. I'm glad the time-out has enabled you to see clearly. My profound wish is that others will follow.

Just how privileged and fortunate I am.

That I love being single
That I have a substance abuse problem in the form of Boston Tea Party carrot cake

@Nacreous : from your post, it seems to me like you feel strongly the need to save the world. You don't. You are enough.

That I need to slow down with the kids more and just let us all be.

That I really miss my family and friends in the small rural town I grew up in. I’d love to be in quarantine there instead of London.

That my husband is beyond help and our marriage is doomed.

That I was burnt out. I feel genuinely sad that it’s taken a global pandemic to make me realise, and for so many other people to be suffering. But for me personally, turns out it was exactly what I needed. I now feel better than I have in a very long time. Both physically and mentally. I needed space to just be, without any external obligations. Going forward, when all this is over. I am going to have regular personal mini “lockdowns” where I just switch off from everything and everyone. Now I know how much it benefits me.

That DH's anxiety rules our lives far more than I realised.

That I have lost nearly all of my friends since having children.

I haven’t noticed a huge change, which is sobering.
I’m very socially isolated as it is! I have been home with babies for 10 years now, during which time we moved countries. My husband works alone. We don’t meet anyone new. Have found school Mums very bitchy and intimidating for the most part. We have zero support network family wise and so nothing has changed. I’m a bit sad about it to be honest, but don’t know what I can do. I’d love to be invited to a Zoom party, but we’re just not. I do have some very close long term friends, but I although I speak to them often, it’s always by phone, as they live a couple of hours away from where we live now.
I’m very in love with my husband and enjoy for the most part my kids. At some point I’ve gone from an extroverted career focused person with friends to a very introverted isolated person.
I’d like to change after this is over but don’t know how.

That spending time doing the simple things brings far more pleasure than anything I ever spent money on.

That I'm actually quite good at coping with adversity and making the best of things.

And that other people's refusal to be anything other than curmudgeonly is bloody irritating

that I need to buy a house on the beach

that i need to find a magical solution to earn more and commuting less - or not at all.

I am quite happy right now, because it's all temporary, so a few months won't make a difference, but lockdown has proven that life is not worth living without what I consider my essentials but many MN posters call "luxury": holidays, weekends away, staying over at friends or having friends and family around for weekends or holidays.
For me, a handbag is a luxury. Things like holidays are what make life worth working for.

that I actually like spending time with my family, unlike so many others.

That I waste too much money on rubbish I don't need.

That I actually enjoy cleaning and organising my house, and gardening.

That there aren't many people in my life that I actually miss. In fact, being freed from the obligation of meeting up has been wonderful.

That spending time as a family is so incredibly important. I would have said that I already knew that, but I didn't really. I never want to go back to prioritising work again.

That I was right to avoid debt and only buy things I could afford to buy. I feel incredibly fortunate to have no debt and some savings, despite modest incomes.

I am so sorry @CMOTDibbler that must be so hard for you

That I really don’t miss my job and I was really ready for a bit of a break from it (although still working at home/on rota).

That I am happy just being with my family and I don’t really miss lots of social interaction.

That I am much less anxious now than I have been for a while.

That I love my job and going into the office every day. I miss it so much. It’s also made me appreciate our house and garden so much. We are lucky to have lots of space which has made lockdown easier.

I have also realised that I waste so much money on crap. I have cancelled all of my unnecessary DD’s and I’m saving myself a fortune! This is going to make me better at saving.

How much I hate my job and that I need to work less.