What has lockdown highlighted to you about your life?

[Ilovetea09]

Morning. I'm on day 54 of self isolation now. We are stuck in groundhog day and The kids are finding homeschool difficult and they miss their friends.
But we have been so lucky with the weather and to have a garden and are trying to make the best of it. We camped out there the other night which was great fun. Something we would never normally do. My husband is still working but when he's home I've noticed we've spent a lot more time together as a family which has been nice. Just doing simple things like playing outside, playing with toys.
We have been getting more exercise than we usually would which is a positive. We are eating less and spending less.

It has shown me how much I love travelling and going to the seaside /or on holiday. I really need something to look forward to it seems! And going on days out and the weekend, we really miss that.

But it's also shown me just how introverted I am, and my husband. My husband has always been antisocial, he had a few work friends /aqaintencies, but he's let them slip away and now has none. He says he's perfectly happy with this as hes never enjoyed friends!
Im similar in that I don't have a large group of friends. I have one best friend who I've not seen since February as she's living at a hospital with her sick baby for at least 6 months. My only other friends are school mums who I chat to at the gate. I aren't sad we haven't got friends but it has highlighted it to me when I see on social media people hosting quiz nights with friends and having group video chats etc.
Lockdown has also shown me how we aren't close to other family members and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. We all live locally to each other and we saw my parents and in laws every weekend before lockdown . But it was tedious and I don't have a good relationship with my narcissist father so the meetups were never fun anyway. I feel terrible saying this but to not see them has been quite freeing for me. My anxiety around my father has gone and I feel relaxed for the first time in years.
I don't know what our new normal will be going forward after lockdown but I do know that I want to change some things to live a happier and more fulfilling life than we were.
What has lockdown highlighted to you about your life?

I've realised I'm not very good at sitting around! My voluntary work has all ceased for the moment, and although I've signed up for anything needed they're inundated, so I've not been needed.

I've been sorting out my garden and when the weather is bad I'll do decorating the rooms in the house that need it.

That my 8 year old DS is actually quite a fragile child and has destroyed his finger and toe nails with worry, that my 7 year old SEN DS is surprisingly robust and that I really am very boring 😁

Many condolences @CMOTDibbler that must be so hard for you, how brave you have been.

That my 90 quid a month Leisure centre fee (for me and DH) was completely unnecessary (already cancelled it) and I’m more toned now with home exercising every day and walks, than I’ve ever been.

I'm seeing similar messages posted in all the fitness-centric groups I'm in. Former gym-freaks buying up treadmills/bikes/weights, doing online videos, realising they don't need to schlep to the gym to get results.

I think gyms/leisure centres are in trouble.

That I don't need a gym membership expensive holidays big car etc. That having those mean I work more and I don't really give a shit about them.
Because my home is lovely so is my area and so are my family.

I do feel very very lucky x

I've realized how much I am on my own. My so called "friend" hasn't bothered with me since the lockdown. My "supposed" (secret) bf is on lockdown with his "family" leaving me alone, only communication via text. After two years , I've ended up ending it. Family wise I only talk to my sister but even she's shown her true colors during the lockdown, so she's got blocked too. So it's just me and my DS. Me and DS are very close luckily for both of us, so it's not all bad.

I've seen a lot of selfishness from people during this lockdown. As long as they're alright that's all that matters. It's shown me peoples true colors and where I stand in their lives, which is nowhere.

That we were so bloody broke that we’re better off now we’re in lockdown as dp is working from home, saving us £80 a month on the train. It’s odd. We’ve gone from living on the breadline and feeling a bit bitter (think struggling to eat in the last week before pay day) to feeling really lucky compared to others. I’m starting a new job from home in May and I was dreading it when I got it in Feb, now I think I’m so bloody lucky to snap up a job just in time. We’ll be looking after our 17 month old too but at least we can afford the council tax now!

My dad died of Covid so obviously it’s been roug
h too. April was the worst month of my life but now I’ve come out of the dark fog and my depression has lifted (I’ve been struggling since November). I’m still struggling a lot with anxiety but my general optimism is much higher than ever before in my life. I feel like we hit the bottom and can’t go any lower- things must get better!

Things I've realised:

I want to live more rurally. We are in a village. I want to be further our. I had loved the peace. I have loathed our noisier neighbours... And they're not particularly noisy, it's me being a grump.

I have spent years worrying about my skin/appearance and I've gone make up free for weeks. Nobody cares or seems to notice. It was all in my head. It's been so freeing going out in my shorts to run with my pasty legs, no make up and hair scraped back. I love how few shits I give.

How much I relish bring out in the peace and quiet of nature. I'd forgotten how much it soothes me.

That my kids and husband are fab. It's actually been a lovely few weeks with them.

However....I am missing my girls nights out with my friends now. And work.i miss teaching 'properly'. I miss the kids, my colleagues.

But yeah I want a bigger garden and fewer neighbours!!

That my neighbours really are as thick as mince, not one of them has even pretended to do any social distancing and we've had 3 street parties in 6 weeks with more planned.

That my house is extremely disorganized and really needs a complete rethink.I've made some progress during lockdown but it needs a lot of work.

I have realised that I was more exhausted and stressed than I thought I was. I have learnt that I am capable of relaxing and that I can cook meals and I can spend quiet time. I have remembered things I used to like and be interested in again. I have realised that some of the problems in my relationship were my fault too. I have enjoyed being tee-total. And that I don’t need to keep buying clothes.

That I spent a lot of time worrying about meaningless things, and that I’m actually really lucky.
For perspective though I think I’m currently miscarrying again. This would be miscarriage number 4, and miscarriage number 2 during the lockdown. So some parts of life still really really suck. But in many other ways we’re really quite lucky.

I have realised that I really dread visitors coming to stay. Like I actually hate it. I knew I didn’t like it, but the fact that nobody can, the decision taken out of my hands, is lovely. That’s so selfish and inhospitable, but it’s true. I’m not taking cups of tea guests, I’m talking relatives coming to stay.

Just our little family unit in our home. Bliss.

At the same time I hope my daughters, son and future sons and daughters in law don’t feel that way about my visits, so I’m a hypocritical cow. But just no guests on the horizon. Sigh.

I’m sorry to hear this. Take care.

Weird because pre lockdown me and DH were seen as boring or whatever for spending weekends at home, having commuted and run around like fucking nutcases all week, school /daycare drop-offs, etc, but reading this and chatting to people has made me realise we are on the right bloody path!

How strong I am. How much many people find their identity and 'strength' through 'others'. How weak many people are really.

That I'm really quite understanding and nice and that the past 15 years of keeping 'quiet' holds more regrets than the previous 40 yrs of telling it straight.

So I'm going back to the telling it straight - if you make a dumb comment to me, you might well get the straight comment back.

@CMOTDibbler I'm sorry for your losses.

That I do still really love DH after all

It has highlighted to me that I have grown increasingly intolerant of other people.

I have been driven inside by extremely loud music, Shouting, swearing, karaoke parties all day and into the early hours, power tools for not only hours, days but weeks. There has also been quite a few toxic bonfires.

And yet I will never play music outside unless I wear headphones and am considerate with other noise.

Lock down has either make them louder and more selfish, or me more intolerant. I Am starting to think that The majority of people are ill mannered plebs Who don’t give a fuck about anyone else. I have become victor medrew. I thank god for the news stories about nhs workers risking their health To save lives, or I would totally give up on mankind😂.

So many things

You cant comfortably have two adults and four kids in a three bed house and I should have sorted that BEFORE having my fourth child ( almost finished extending another house just as lockdown started so its sitting empty needing paint and carpets.

I spend to much on impulse things I dont always need.

I dont miss the school run but I'm not cut to home school despite my science degree. I'm pretty bloody useless.

I like my socail rules. I stick to the rules whilst hating them, I get that I have to.

I miss being outside with my kids.

Very few people have really checked if we are ok with genuine interest. I call my mum but she still wont call me. Mil is still asking how am but tells me she is disappointed if I admit I'm struggling. DHS dad seems to only want sanitised contact with dh ( has told him to contact him.every two weeks)
Good things are that we are doing daily walks together and I dont need friends and family to get by. I miss my friend very much but it's around the normal level of seeing family if I'm honest. My husband really is still very good and fun company.

I also think that really only a few things in life are very important when it all boils down.

That we don't need all the frequent and expensive holidays that we book. Being in my garden with my DH and our dogs is just as (if not more) relaxing as being abroad at a fancy hotel. Plus the aforementioned gorgeous doggos can be with us

My DH is even more hard working than I realised. He has done so much work on our home and garden during lockdown. He is wonderful.

What has been highlighted to me most of all is that, at my age, I care less about material things and money, as long as I have sufficient for my needs. I like a simple life. I also realise there is a great deal I can do to help others.

How we worry too much about things that are irrelevant, or we can't do much about. Brexit, climate change, minorities being shot in America, third world poverty, YAWN. When things get back to usual, let's hope people live for the moment rather than worry about things that happen to other people far away, or are a problem for the future to deal with.

That there are human beings who (apparently) think like this.

It has shown me how much my OHs identity and life focus is tied up with his work.
I gave up work when we had kids.
I have been a SAHM for years, started working from home, and always been self sufficient in terms of organising my day, self motivation, being alone, having no set structure, no colleagues.

My OH has been a bit of a workaholic, enjoys his job, always works more hours than he is paid to ( small private company to quite typical t do that)
He has been furloughed - on full pay- and he is like a wet washcloth around the house.
Just doesn't know what to do with himself. He is happy is I suggest things- why not clean his car or sort out the tools in the garage, but he doesn't know how to survive while being at home all day- an environment I thrive in.
He is getting close to retirement age, so I don't know how that will work out. It's been a bit of an eye opener.

That I live in a beautiful area with stunning countryside.
That I am disciplined enough to work from home.
That I didn't have friends or a social life anyway.