Honest Advice please

[emz771]

I have read MN for years - but never joined. I think sometimes it's good to get some third party advice so please help ladies.

Ok so just over 3 years ago my sister split with her husband. He wasn't very good with money and as such she didn't come out with anything. My husband is in property and said she could live in a property we have. We said (and the wording is important) it's yours rent free for as long as you need it.

Anyway about 18 months ago my sister met a man who is a really nice guy. He is great with her kids, is good company, and we often have a pub lunch with the kids or a dog walk on a Sunday and he treats her and the kids really well.

However about 8 months ago he moved in with my sister and my husband presumed that when he moved in we would get some offer of rent. To put into context he is an engineer for BT and does quite a bit of overtime and we understand he is on about 45k a year. My sister works part time as a secretary and earns about 16k a year. So they are a 60K household with no rent/mortgage.

Now it's been griping at my husband for some time - and yesterday he actually got really annoyed. This is going to sound silly but because he is still working my husband asked him to pick up some steaks from a farm shop he passes and leave on our door step. He did - but then my sister messaged me that night and said the steaks were £32. My husband who is a calm man lost it - and claimed he lives in our property that we could rent for £1500 a month and can't shout us a few steaks.

Now I need to say my sister is my best friend in the entire world - and it's not the money with my husband but the fact he feels this guy is taking the mick. The house would rent for £1500 - but I know my husband would let them have it for £800.

Now is it our fault with the wording "have it as long as you want" even though that was when she was a single parent living on a part time wage.I don't want it to affect my relationship with my husband.

Let me know - am I being a cow?

I'm glad it's appreciated OP, that's in her favour. Sorry to asked prying questions. I honestly believe your intentions are good, and I understand that you want to help family. I just hope it won't cause a rift between you and your DH. Your immediate family must come first here - as long as that is solid, then all is good.

The op is very generous and thoughtful helping her family out on both sides. I don’t think this is a bad thing.
I’m not sure I would pay for university, student loans is a good start to the adult world really. I’d save that generosity, let them develop some basic earning and budgeting skills and contribute to a house deposit at maybe 25 when they are old enough to appreciate it. Otherwise they might never learn basic financial skills (they aren’t learning them at home) and you won’t be doing them any favours.

On the one hand I think your sense of family and generosity is great. On the other, your sister seems very reliant on other people and is living way beyond her means. Are you sure things are equal in the relationship with this other man?

Imagine the scenario: he is the one paying rent in effect as well as supporting her 2 children, but knows it's cheap and its your house with no tenancy agreement. How long do you think that situation will stay harmonious for, between them I mean? If he moves out does the sister stop paying rent etc. it's all v messy.

Re the council tax- in areas where there’s been significant house price inflation (ie the South East) it is feasible that a £800k property could be say band C which is in the £160 region.

In areas of low house price inflation (ie the North, Wales) you can end up paying more council tax on a significant cheaper (but probably bigger) property.

It doesn’t necessarily mean the sis is defrauding on council tax.

@Cottipus just seems crazy that I pay almost the same amount for a house worth less than 10% of the same value in a town which has hardly any provisions (no council run leisure facilities, next to no transport etc.)

@inkogkneetoe I know, I live in West Yorkshire. Our house cost £250k and we have to pay band E! I’ve seen a Welsh house that was council tax band E listed for £200k so even worse there.

Council tax bands haven’t been revalued since the 90s so haven’t kept pace with inflation.

I suppose on the plus side at least our rent and mortgages are low compared to the SE and London.

I think, with the council tax, that the more affluent an area/more expensive the houses, the less you could actually end up paying. Councils need a certain amount of money in to run the place and that income has to be split between all of the residents.

Therefore. the fewer high-band properties there are, the more has to be paid by the lower-band homes. If every house in an area is band F or higher, band G becomes the average. so could in theory be charged at the same as a band D somewhere middle-of-the-road. In a very cheap area, if band B is the average, the charge will be more for those with cheaper properties - because all of the properties are cheaper, with very few expensive ones to subsidise the others.

just seems crazy that I pay almost the same amount for a house worth less than 10% of the same value in a town which has hardly any provisions (no council run leisure facilities, next to no transport etc.)

Oh, it does - but at the other end of the scale, folk in expensive houses complain because they still only get one bin emptied, have one family to use all the services and are 'penalised' for spending their money on a big house rather than fancy cars or lots of cruises etc. They're also more likely to send their kids to private school or to go private for their health care; some would also say that more affluent areas tend to make less use of the police resources than poorer areas with 'problem' neighbourhoods.

I'm not saying I necessarily agree - I live in a band B house in a very average area - just trying to be objective!

Re the council tax, could she be claiming the discount you get as a single adult with dependants under 18? Has she informed the council that another adult now lives there OP?
Just wondering, as it does seem low for the value of the property, wherever it is, and I know it varies region to region.

Re council tax there isn’t always rhyme nor reason down south.

Our town is a relatively small town - but is In the global news fairly regularly and has a huge amount of tourists. Plus it’s subsidised - by one of the biggest draws the UK have.

Council tax is less here on a 3 bedroom house - than 7 minutes up the road when you cross a different county on a 1 bedroom flat.

Wimbledon!

Haha no - I’m not in London!

Dam it!

Windsor?
Can't believe how machine invested in this thread!

Much not machine.

You might be right!

We can be in 2 different counties in 7/8 minutes and both are far more expensive council tax rates.

I remember a very old episode of Location, Location, Location, where there was a young (adult) brother and sister looking to leave their parents' house and get a place together nearer London.

They'd seen great big detached houses around where they were from (Midlands/North, I think) and they wanted one of those - and they'd fallen in love with Windsor, so they'd like that kind of house there, please!. They didn't have mega-rich parents, so they had a lesson to learn very quickly (and an understanding of the actual meaning of the programme title)!

It’s got silly here the last 10 years especially - the kids don’t stand a chance anymore without a little help.

I love it here - but don’t think it represents value for money anymore. There are towns 5 mins away that are lovely that you can get a lot more for your money.

Emz you do realise you could be really easily identified from this thread, unless you have changed some details?

Emz you sound absolutely lovely. I'm sure you and your dh are well capable of working out what you can afford and how much you want to help without our input. Don't ever apologise for being kind.

I dont think they will be there more than a year

An 800k house an a massively subsidised rate - why would they move somewhere else?

We are going to have to help with niece and nephews uni anyway. For my niece it’s only 4 years off (presuming she doesn’t have a gap year) There is no way she will be able to afford it

She'd be able to contribute far more if she worked more than 16 hours per week.

@Luddite26

Are you sure she didn't mean that you should give the interest to beggars and Big Issue sellers?

BrassyLocks. No definitely she meant I was in that category and she was letting me off for her own conscience.
I will always be grateful to her for lending me that money though as it paid for my divorce from an abusive husband and released me from him! I remarried immediately without telling anybody except the witnesses so don't know whether that annoyed her or what I did.
But when somebody is helping you with money resentment can build up that one side doesn't realise is happening it doesn't necessarily mean you are a p taker or an intentional p taker.
Got married again and instantly I stopped hearing ex husband in my head shouting,
"You are my wife." That was a massive step forward to me.
My witness was the person who I care for in my employment as I didn't want to upset anybody by choosing one person and I thought people would not feel excluded by that (our adult children) and I wanted him to be part of a legal document not just making the numbers up. I don't know whether that offended her but .i didn't intend it ti