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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest Advice please

523 replies

emz771 · 08/05/2020 17:53

I have read MN for years - but never joined. I think sometimes it's good to get some third party advice so please help ladies.

Ok so just over 3 years ago my sister split with her husband. He wasn't very good with money and as such she didn't come out with anything. My husband is in property and said she could live in a property we have. We said (and the wording is important) it's yours rent free for as long as you need it.

Anyway about 18 months ago my sister met a man who is a really nice guy. He is great with her kids, is good company, and we often have a pub lunch with the kids or a dog walk on a Sunday and he treats her and the kids really well.

However about 8 months ago he moved in with my sister and my husband presumed that when he moved in we would get some offer of rent. To put into context he is an engineer for BT and does quite a bit of overtime and we understand he is on about 45k a year. My sister works part time as a secretary and earns about 16k a year. So they are a 60K household with no rent/mortgage.

Now it's been griping at my husband for some time - and yesterday he actually got really annoyed. This is going to sound silly but because he is still working my husband asked him to pick up some steaks from a farm shop he passes and leave on our door step. He did - but then my sister messaged me that night and said the steaks were £32. My husband who is a calm man lost it - and claimed he lives in our property that we could rent for £1500 a month and can't shout us a few steaks.

Now I need to say my sister is my best friend in the entire world - and it's not the money with my husband but the fact he feels this guy is taking the mick. The house would rent for £1500 - but I know my husband would let them have it for £800.

Now is it our fault with the wording "have it as long as you want" even though that was when she was a single parent living on a part time wage.I don't want it to affect my relationship with my husband.

Let me know - am I being a cow?

OP posts:
BackseatCookers · 09/05/2020 18:39

Oh fab! Good news Thanks

Original poster
emz771 · 09/05/2020 18:43

Thank you guys.

And yes I’m sure he did know £500 wouldn’t cover everything - but what is done is done.

To be honest there are no totally innocent parties in this. My sister should have come to me and told me she wanted to get back financially on her feet, he perhaps should have realised what he was paying wouldn’t cover rent, and my husband and I shouldn’t have presumed anything and should have had an adult conversation from the minute he moved in rather than let things fester.

The important thing is we have all got a result we are happy with and everybody is still friends.

OP posts:
SophieB100 · 09/05/2020 18:43

Glad it's worked out and you're all happy OP.
I see trouble ahead for their relationship - she's been devious with him.
Anyway, as long as you and DH get rent, then that's good.

megladon2020 · 09/05/2020 18:51

Sounds like a great outcome, and you sound like a wonderful sister!

Ineedabreak19 · 09/05/2020 18:57

Well done OP, very pleased you're happy with the result.

IcyWind · 09/05/2020 19:15

That’s a great outcome Op!

Apirateslifeforme · 09/05/2020 19:18

Sounds like an excellent result for all parties. I'm really glad to read that xx

Original poster
emz771 · 09/05/2020 19:25

Thank you guys

OP posts:
ElectricTonight · 09/05/2020 19:30

I wish you was my sister! How kind of you both, they are taking the right piss. I agree with the poster who suggested a Tenancy agreement.

ElectricTonight · 09/05/2020 19:42

Whoops didn't read the full thread.

Lovely to see not everyone's a piss taker Grinso glad it's all sorted OP!

ScrewBalls99 · 09/05/2020 19:50

Wow, v.generous. What a weight off your minds OP

Tuliptulip · 09/05/2020 20:04

Great result with everyone happy, hopefully including your mother. I just have one question - if her OH is paying the rent, what happens if they split up? Or have I misunderstood (probably)?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/05/2020 20:09

Wonderful ending - really pleased for you all.

HannaYeah · 09/05/2020 21:02

Glad it worked out and by the way, you are an awesome sister!

user1487194234 · 09/05/2020 21:33

Well done
So glad it worked out

CalmdownJanet · 09/05/2020 21:45

Honestly sounds like a great outcome to me and again I say you and your dh sound absolutely lovely, I am delighted it worked out

Coyoacan · 09/05/2020 22:30

Excellent result. It is always best to say something before you reach the point of getting angry, but that is easier said than done.

So glad this worked out for you all

Honeyroar · 09/05/2020 22:43

Glad it’s all worked out. Unlike most on here I wouldn’t think too harshly of her boyfriend personally, as far as he was concerned he was chipping in to the household. Your sister, however, was taking money from him when she didn’t have rent and not telling him or you! She’s a bit of a jammy madam!

timeisnotaline · 10/05/2020 00:49

Hmm the bf sounds like a good guy but he must be annoyed with your sister, it’s a significant breach of trust. So glad it’s worked out for you and much better they have it all out in the open but I’m not confident he’s happy with her, which is fair enough.

elessar · 10/05/2020 00:50

Wow. Tbh I would be furious if my sister had taken £500 a month on the pretence of bills/rent and used it for personal credit card debts. And would say both you and her BF have the right to be really cross.

But anyhow, I'm glad you have a good outcome now and hope things continue to work out.

Cannot blame the bloke for this at all. He gave your sister an amount that yes, is lower than market rate but equally more than she had told him at all. He was guessing. At least he tried to contribute, and now he has been told is very happy to do so at the right amount

elessar · 10/05/2020 00:55

Also sounds like he is now the only one who will be paying the rent? So your sister continues to live rent free. Lucky her.

Itwasntme1 · 10/05/2020 00:55

Although to be honest - most of the £500 will have gone on his share of bills and groceries.

Feeding a grown man isn’t cheap - and then there is his share of electricity, gas, broadband, tv subscriptions. Housekeeping seems a really old fashioned way of describing it - but it’s not a if the sister was pocketing the full £500.

the boyfriend knew rightly he was saving a fortune. I don’t think he has much to complain about

timeisnotaline · 10/05/2020 03:05

I don’t think he has much to complain about
He was lied to, about money. So yes he does have a lot to complain about, that stuff is relationship ending.

Itwasntme1 · 10/05/2020 03:10

I’m not sure the story rings true. He says he thought she was paying rent, but he was paying ‘housekeep’ not rent? Once you take food and bills out of his ‘housekeep’ what she has left to contribute to this rent was tiny and obviously not half, a third or even a quarter of the rent on this place.

So he either thought she was paying The vast majority of the rent or knew the rent want vastly reduced. Either way anyone with a bit of sense would have figured out someone was subsidising him.

Itwasntme1 · 10/05/2020 03:10

So I still think he doesn’t have much to complain about.