To think referring to your toddler as a rainbow baby is strange?

[catsears1]

I have a Facebook friend who constantly calls her child her Rainbow Baby. Every time she posts a picture of him, she said 'my rainbow baby' 'my little rainbow' etc etc. The child is a around 2-3.

I get it, having a MC is devastating and having a baby after that will feel extra special. Maybe the term rainbow baby is appropriate during pregnancy but I find calling a toddler a rainbow baby a bit ... strange. I would hate it if that was my identity - I would want to be known as an individual IYSWIM.

@ivfgottostaypositive and @peperethecat have said it perfectly.

I really don't think anyone should be judging how a bereaved parent deals with their loss. Huge assumptions are being made the OPs friends childs welfare based on SM. I wish I had never heard of the terms 'angel' and 'rainbow' baby. I wish my DD was here now, she should be a bouncing six month old and how I choose to refer to her sibling is up to me. Unless you have experienced the agony of losing a child, you can do one as far as I'm concerned.

It's not fair on the toddler at all.

Some of my children are 'rainbow babies'. Thankfully none of them know which of them are.

frasersmummy it’s all personal choice

After a couple of very eloquent recent posts I don't think there's anything else to say on this really

Whilst I am deeply sympathetic to the heartache of a stillborn and/or miscarriage, I really am, I think parents need to be careful about the description of the child as a rainbow baby.

The insinuation is that the 'rainbow' child is somehow replacing the baby that was lost, and that they may never had existed had that baby survived. It's implicit that they should grieve a life they never knew that was gone before they were born and that just seems such a heavy weight to place in a child.

A child should be loved just for who they are, thst should be enough.

Parents should grieve for their baby, remember their baby and honour their baby privately in a way that doesn't involve the subsequent child.

I really don’t think anyone should be told how to grieve. I’m frankly appalled at some of these posts. Anyone who judges a parent who’s lost their child should have a good look in the mirror and ask themselves what gives them the right to do that.

The insinuation is that the 'rainbow' child is somehow replacing the baby that was lost, and that they may never had existed had that baby survived.

That might be how people who have never had a loss see it, but I'm pretty sure that isn't how anyone actually using the term sees it.

Parents should grieve for their baby, remember their baby and honour their baby privately in a way that doesn't involve the subsequent child.

Who are you to tell people how they should grieve?

Why do you think involving the subsequent child in your grief is ok?

Why do you think involving the subsequent child in your grief is ok?

Why do you think it isn’t?

Once more for the people at the back, a rainbow baby is no more a replacement for an earlier child than a sibling is.

Because everyone has the right to grieve in their own way. Any way they choose is OK. And nobody has the right to judge or question that.

They are celebrating the subsequent child even more because their journey to have them was so very hard and painful. I'm not sure why that is so difficult for people to understand.

Suggesting that people who talk about their rainbow baby as a substitute or a replacement for the one the lost, or that they think their child is somehow second best, betrays a total and utter lack of understanding. People who call their babies their rainbow babies see them as an utter miracle, who represents the end of what was probably the darkest and most miserable time of their lives.

Please don’t judge people who have had miscarriages - you don’t know how traumatising it is

I know someone who lost a child and refers to the child as a rainbow baby, the new child's middle name is the deceased child's first name. I've had miscarriages but I feel sorry for the child who will grow up in their sibling's shadow.

My mum had losses before I was born. I would not like to have been known as a rainbow baby.
I had losses before all of my children, and was devastated. I also talked about it openly in conversation because I was determined that it shouldn’t be taboo or hidden.
I didn’t refer to my children as rainbow babies. I don’t think it’s fair on a child.

An ex partner said he used to refer to us don as a 'miracle baby' as he was a result of several IVF cycles. But he said it wears off after a few years. I'm sure it will once this child starts answering back and not being quite so adorable!

She died two years ago @frasersmummy and I now have a one year old boy, so like you a very short time between them. I am in so many ways glad that they are a different sex because I hope that will make him feel there isn’t a shadow there. I desperately wish that she was here but I feel very much that even if she was still alive, he would still be here as well so that stops me from thinking of him as being a replacement if that makes sense.

I have two children and I had a miscarriage in between them. I’ve never ever referred to my child as a rainbow baby as it’s never made me comfortable.

I fell pregnant with my second child 6 weeks after my miscarriage and I realise how lucky I am. It just never felt appropriate to call him my rainbow baby because I believe he was the baby I was always meant to have.

It’s not a term I prefer to use but if it brings people comfort in their grief and if it helps them process their emotions, who am I to judge? We all have different coping mechanisms and I’m glad bereaved families have various ones.

The vast majority of people love and cherish their children, whether they were a child born after a sad loss or whether they were a surprise. It’s not a competition. All of us on here (hopefully..!) love our children so much that we think there’s nobody else in the world who is as loved.
Nothing in the OP suggests that child isn’t lucky enough to be loved and cared for.

I have always known that I wouldn’t exist if my mum’s first pregnancy has not ended in miscarriage. It has never upset or bothered me..... but if I’d been referred to in a way that it became part of my identity, like ‘rainbow baby’, I think it would have been challenging for me, especially as it was always obvious my mum still very much grieved for her loss.

Please don’t judge people who have had miscarriages - you don’t know how traumatising it is
I think we've established that pretty much everyone on the thread is in the same position .

We've mostly all had so called rainbow children. I doubt my children know the term, they've certainly never heard it in relation to themselves.

I think we've established that pretty much everyone on the thread is in the same position

Really? I don't think we have.

I mean to say that on this thread we have people who have had full term stillbirths (including someone who had eight miscarriages and a twin stillbirth and then one of their two living children die of cancer) and people who have had multiple losses and no living children.

Not exactly in the same boat as the people on here who have never lost a baby but are more than ready to judge those who have, or even those who had one loss but got pregnant again quite quickly afterwards and had a healthy baby.

Sorry, pepe the "same position" was very badly phrased. I meant pretty much all had had miscarriages. Most of us know full well how traumatising they are.

I just don't think that's true though. I was not anywhere near as traumatised after one miscarriage as I am after four. And I can't even imagine how I would feel if I had had eight miscarriages, or a stillbirth.

The majority of replies on this thread show a total lack of empathy and understanding.

If you don't like the term "rainbow" and don't want to use it, fine. But if you want to judge other people who do, judge the way they grieve, make nasty insinuations about how they are fucking up their living child by not just getting over their loss like a normal person, then quite frankly you should be ashamed of yourself.

I had twins 10 months after a stillbirth. I’ve never thought of them as ‘rainbow’ babies. More like hurricane babies! I didn’t even know it was a thing until reading it on here.

I do think it puts pressure on the DC to try to make their parents happy, be like a rainbow?, if they grow up with this. Quite damaging.