To think referring to your toddler as a rainbow baby is strange?

[catsears1]

I have a Facebook friend who constantly calls her child her Rainbow Baby. Every time she posts a picture of him, she said 'my rainbow baby' 'my little rainbow' etc etc. The child is a around 2-3.

I get it, having a MC is devastating and having a baby after that will feel extra special. Maybe the term rainbow baby is appropriate during pregnancy but I find calling a toddler a rainbow baby a bit ... strange. I would hate it if that was my identity - I would want to be known as an individual IYSWIM.

I've got a rainbow baby, my son was born 18 months after my first daughter died at a few days old.

When he was born it really was healing, for us as a couple, for our families. The grief and trauma of losing a child is unbelievable and personal. There is no right or wrong in how you cope with it really, you just have to.

He's a little boy with his own personality. He's my rainbow in my head but I don't call him that.

Sorry for your losses, @Shefliesonherownwings and @OwlinaTree.

I'm hoping that some of these people who are apparently so concerned about the poor rainbow babies stumbling under the weight of their parents' hopes and dreams will either keep their mouths shut in future or, if they must, take their pitchforks and pop over to the "gender disappointment" threads instead.

@Peperethecat thank you.

Could not agree more. Don't even get me started on the gender disappointment threads.

@OhTheRoses that is just awful. I am so sorry.

To the poster who said it was 'too soon' for someone to get pregnant three months after a loss - actually, it's extremely common, and it's well recognised that many people feel an urge to get pregnant again. It's probably a biological urge. There's no 'wrong' about it.

@OhTheRoses The way you were treated in hospital is absolutely shocking. You'd think that medical professionals would receive some training in dealing with this sort of thing sensitively, even if many people in the general population are ignorant of the pain they can cause by the things they say. I'm sorry for what you have been through.

It was more than 20 years ago. Interestingly the care from a less flashy hospital with an older demographic of midwives when dd was born was much much better.

I had an acquaintance whose first child sadly passed away. The second child was like a mirror image of the first and she used to openly say that she used to say "Goodnight both boys" to him when putting her second child to bed. I thought for years that she had two alive and well boys.

I have two children from six pregnancies. I have referred to both of them as “rainbow babies” but neither of them know about my losses. My elder boy knows he was very much wanted, and that I cried with happiness at my scan. My younger son is too young understand, but in time I’ll tell him the same. They are in no way replacements for the babies I lost.

Oh these are so upsetting, really sorry for your losses

Gender disappointment threads often have mental health undertone so let's not start bashing them here please (although can understand how ridiculous they sound in this thread).

For example a friend of mine lost a girl baby and has now firmly got in her head to have a son as can't bare another daughter as it would almost be like replacing her (she has been honest to 2 of us close friends, which I'm thankful for). Some people would tell her she's a terrible person but she's really struggling with her loss still. Others may be the opposite.

Could be worse, my poor old DDad inherited the name of his sibling who died as a baby. WTAF.

@DysonFury My cousin named her second child with the exact name of the one she lost a few days after birth.

I always thought it was to respect the outdated idea that the older child should carry the same name as the dad. Was it the same for your dad?

But I agree WTAF?

I find it deeply weird. I mean, if it comforts you, then absolutely do it internally, to your partner or whatever but not to the kid...

I was pregnant six times. I have one living child. 4 MC and 1 stillbirth. It's fucking grim and sentimental rainbow baby guff was not/is not of any comfort. I find it just about tolerable with a little baby but with a toddler/child I loathe it. I find it toe-curlingly naff and post-loss it made me furious and upset.

Given that 1 in 8 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, there must be an absolute shitload of 'rainbow babies' out there. Or... babies.