To think referring to your toddler as a rainbow baby is strange?

[catsears1]

I have a Facebook friend who constantly calls her child her Rainbow Baby. Every time she posts a picture of him, she said 'my rainbow baby' 'my little rainbow' etc etc. The child is a around 2-3.

I get it, having a MC is devastating and having a baby after that will feel extra special. Maybe the term rainbow baby is appropriate during pregnancy but I find calling a toddler a rainbow baby a bit ... strange. I would hate it if that was my identity - I would want to be known as an individual IYSWIM.

Also this person calls her child a rainbow baby in literally every post. It isn't a one off post every once in a while, it's all the time. She's doesn't refer to them by name, just rainbow baby. I just find that a bit uncomfortable for the child's sake.

I just find that a bit uncomfortable for the child's sake.

So hide that particular friend's posts. She's doubtless capable of attending to her own child's interests. Her timeline isn't about making you comfortable.

She's doubtless capable of attending to her own child's interests
Sadly this isn't always the case. It should be, but isn't.

I think social media has a lot to answer for, as he/she would never even know that was how they were referred to otherwise. I get it but also agree it's a bit odd.

I have 2 'rainbow babies' I don't refer to either as that. They're just my babies and the losses before them make me appreciate how lucky I am. Sometimes I look at my newborn and can't believe I had a second. But they're just my beautiful kids.

Sadly this isn't always the case. It should be, but isn't.

I've no idea what goes on behind this stranger's closed doors. The only information anyone here has about her is that she merely refers to her child on social media as a rainbow baby.

Based on this one factor this hardly disqualifies her from fitness to look after her child, does it?

@MarielVanArkleStinks I assumed that was a name change fail?!

To look after her child? Of course not. She may (just may, I don't know her either) not be able to clearly see what's in his best interests, though.

I'm a bit conflicted with this, I've seen the term used when a baby is born and that's more understandable, but never a child called Rainbow Baby instead of it's actual name or when it's older.

I had miscarriages in my 20's and 30's and finally had DS a few months before my 40th Birthday. I've never referred to him like that. He's just a lovely little boy, he's not at all linked to my previous losses and I'd never want him to be.

I just think it's wrong to judge people for how they deal with their grief. You're entitled to your opinions, but when they're about something as sensitive as this you'd be better off keeping them to yourself

This

I miscarried my first pregnancy and a doctor said something about 1 in 2 or 3 first pregnancies ending in miscarriage. I can't remember exactly. But surely this means a huge number of first borns are rainbow babies?

It's been quite an eye opener reading this thread and I look back now and whilst I've never used the phrase rainbow baby (it wasn't really around then) I'm beginning to wonder what some people who know me think of me . Firstly I want to say how sorry I am to those of you who have lost a baby, at any gestation. It hurts, your pain and grief is real and unique and whilst others may brush off eg a 10 week loss, I know people who have been devastated. We are all different. Without having walked in their shoes, you can't understand how they feel, or how deep their grief is.

My eldest son was 3 when we lost our baby at term. He knew he was a big brother, we have never shielded him from the fact he has a dead sibling, he came to the funeral, it was fine. Just as we haven't shielded our youngest that he has 2 older brothers. We do good things in his name, they are well aware of who he is, how much he is loved and we have open conversations about death (not just his, family members, friends, public faces etc) and grief.

If ever there is a time to just let people 'be' and say what they want to say, this is it if it grates, just scroll on....

My 2.5 year old is my rainbow, after my beautiful baby girl was born sleeping at 38 weeks. I'm not ashamed to call him my rainbow, but I call him by his own name and he is a unique little Ray of sunshine in our family.
I don't think it us anything for you to get worked up about. It's not anything to do with you and doesn't mean that her toddler isn't viewed as a unique wee person. In her eyes they are probably a wee miracle. Every baby is! I'm sure you have more important things to focus on.

I first heard the term rainbow baby from my Dr. My DD was stillborn, when discussing why DS age 3 could read, the Dr said because he’s a rainbow baby.

mother0fdragons Your message is exactly what i was going to say, i had 2 miscarriages and 3 children, not one of them is a rainbow baby. I feel for these poor children that will grow up with their mothers that cant see them for who they are and not who they are not

I've lost 7 babies and I find the term "rainbow baby" a bit cringe really and would never refer to my only child as one.

I'm very vocal about my miscarriages and ectopics as I don't think the subject should be taboo but to me infertility and baby loss is a fucking battle, I'm at war with my body - if I'm lucky enough to have another child they won't be a rainbow after a storm they'll be a miracle

I find it really surprising so many women on this thread profess to have had loss and yet still make it a competition as to who deals with the situation in the “right” way.

An unpleasant topic to have a superiority contest over.

I feel for these poor children that will grow up with their mothers that cant see them for who they are and not who they are not

Oh for God's sake. Yes, that's right, women who have had miscarriages and not managed to just "get over it" are destined to be shit parents when they do eventually manage to have a baby.

Calling a child a rainbow baby isn't suggesting that they are some kind of inferior replacement for the baby or babies who died. It's saying that they are even more loved and wanted and appreciated because the journey their parents went through to have them was that much more difficult.

Seriously. You don't need to worry about the poor rainbow babies. They're the ones whose parents will be thanking their lucky stars every single day that they made it into this world. If you're not a fertile myrtle who "just needs to look her her partner to get pregnant" (insert tinkly laugh here) then you are never going to take your child's existence for granted.

Feels weird to me because mine were born 20+ years ago but dd has exclaimed recently "oh we were both rainbow babies". It must have been so hard.

However they were and are the gold at the end of the rainbow and the only way I can rationalise the events of 25ish years ago is that if awful things hadn't happened I wouldn't have the two amazingly wonderful children I do have. Although I would give a part of my soul for ds2 to have survived I couldn't imagine a world without dd, born 51 weeks later. I rememver little of those weeks. They were dark weeks but I found the light at the end of the rainbow or what at the time seemed to be the arc of doom.

I had a miscarriage and never would do that BUT I would also never judge or comment on someone else doing it when grief is such an individual thing, does strange things

I read the How to Talk book on dealing with sibling rivalry. It really opened my eyes to how it can impact on children when they are seen through the lens of a sibling. So there were siblings of children with additional needs who resented being praised as the 'good' or 'golden' child, because they resented that being a role the had to fill.
So I guess something like that could happen here too.

I feel for these poor children that will grow up with their mothers that cant see them for who they are and not who they are not

Only someone who has never experienced miscarriage or stillbirth would have this opinion

Actually we look at them and think how bloody lucky we are

The only way in which I worry that my losses could have an impact on my parenting is that I'm going to have to try really hard not to wrap any future children up in cotton wool. I worry that if I have a baby, my fear about my baby not being born alive and well will be immediately replaced by a fear that something will happen to them and I'll be childless all over again. I'm going to have to try really hard not to be one of those parents that's afraid to let their child out of their sight in case something bad happens.

I think people are meaning it as a compliment and to celebrate the life of the child that they have. A rainbow baby is a beautiful thing that people cherish.

@peperethecat

I'm kind of the opposite - I don't worry about the wrapping in cotton wool - I want her to live her best life - if she's the only child we ll ever have then I want her to experience the best the world and life has to offer and not to be afraid to get out there and do something.

(I am seriously considering though setting money aside if she wanted to have some eggs frozen in her early 20s - I was 30 when I started TTC so not old but I'm now 36 and infertile having lost my tubes to ectopic pregnancies)