Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

[fungalinthejungle]

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

@joystir59 'perhaps we aren't in love' 🙄🙄🙄

Ok. Sure. You do know us best after all.

I wonder if after eleven years OP wants to prove that he’s proposed because people have been telling her for years that it’s not going to happen?

In truth after eleven years marriage is a bit of a formality anyway.

I agree with Sparklingbrook - I was glad there were just words and no ring when my DH proposed, as getting a ring I liked was quite important to me - I would be wearing it for years after all.

I can relate to your disappointment and know it can co-exist with a great deal of love for your fiancé and excitement at the prospect of marriage! Maybe you could get a wedding band that compliments the ring or that is more your style?

I had a nice ring but a really, really terrible proposal. We’ve been married for 18 years this year and it has been a running joke how badly he asked me. In many ways it was more memorable than something inspired by Pinterest and its funny now! Wasn’t at the time...!!!

YABMU. I don't see the issue, you can still plan a wedding. I don't get why proposals have to be this massive thing. I feel sorry for your fiancè if your reaction was disappointment. Surely, it's the marriage that's important not the bits before?

It's not been really ungrateful, it's just that your little dream of some so called perfect proposal, hasn't come to fruition, and your partner doesn't think the same ways as you do. As for your ring, well, it's just a ring, and you should wear it, and get to like it.

You said that you were excited to be marrying your partner, this is all that matters.

With the ring, he did get you something you said you liked, so he does gets points for listening.

With the proposal, I do have some sympathy. A bit of romance and a memorable moment warm the heart. I like the odd grand gesture myself.

Looking back, my proposal was pretty low key and I’d have rather had a bit of a gesture like he filled a room with flowers and then we tied the knot at the registry office. I didn’t want a fancy wedding (he did and so we had one).

Each to their own, but it is important you do both know one another well enough to speak one another’s language.

@Icannotknit HARSH!!!

He didn't go down on one knee or say any speech or anything

“Will you marry me” or words to that effect are really all that’s needed 🤷‍♀️

Most romantic proposal I ever heard of was my grandparents. They used to meet up to walk to work and on one walk...

Grandad: I suppose we ought to get married. What do you think?
Grandma: "Yes. I think we should"

They were married for 60 years until he died and she still misses him every day. They never had much money but she has hundreds of photos of a lifetime of happiness.

It's not the 'moment' that counts. It's all the years that come after it.

(Make peace with the ring or gently ask to exchange it.)

I’ll admit I was a bit underwhelmed by DH’s proposal. He had the ring and it was burning a hole in his pocket so instead of planning something special he asked me on a random Tuesday night while we were getting ready for bed. He proposed, I accepted and we went to sleep! I’m not saying I wanted a flash mob or anything ridiculous but some sort of something would have been nice.

I love my ring though.

When I was younger and docile I got a proposal that sounded more like a business proposition, he threw a rose in with the breakfast, but refused to buy a engagement ring because “nobody uses them” and a few months later and after much pressure from everyone (in our culture a proposal with no ring is never taken seriously) he came home late one night after meeting with friends and threw a engagement ring at me while I was reading on the sofa.

I hated the ring, the gesture, the carelessness but he had been very romantic throughout all the years we have been together so I decided to turn a blind eye and marry him anyway, because nice polite girls are thankful their boyfriends deemed them fit to be their wives and should be grateful and shut up about what they thought about the ring. Jesus, I HATED the bloody ring, it wasn’t as ugly as the way it had been delivered but for ten years, just looking at it made me feel resentful.

Now that I am older, wiser, divorced and without a single trace of doormat left on me, I wouldn’t put up with such rudeness and shit ring from anyone. Because women who respect themselves cannot shut up and comply with things they hate or where not consulted about, they have good communication with their partners and can afford to discuss their likes and preferences with them, without quietly waiting for Mr no so perfect to read their minds and get it right.

Yanbu. If it's not the proposal or ring you wanted I would consider whether your partner really knows you and considered your feelings and whether you both sufficiently communicated and continue to properly communicate with each other about your wants, needs, future etc.

Newsflash - it is possible to have a beautiful, meaningful proposal AND know he’s still the right one for you AND the marriage lasts.

Why would these things be mutually exclusive?

They'd be mutually exclusive for me. I couldn't marry someone who proposed to me. The thought of being proposed to makes me feel angry. I'm a bundle of laughs I know.

My husband proposed as I was coming out of the toilet, he told me he just couldn’t wait any longer 😂

Not exactly romantic but it was funny and I didn’t really care, I just wanted to marry him.

I think you need to step away from Instagram and focus on what a proposal really means.

We just decided to get married and we have wedding rings only. High expectations make for disappointment! I am rarely disappointed.

If be grateful for a haribos ring and a proposal.

Some people are so ungrateful 🙄

We've been married 8 years and DH has never bought me a ring.
Still best friends with the random stranger who witnessed the ringless proposal and offered me one of her own rings to keep though!

Can I ask some personal questions? Don’t answer if it doesn’t help..
Is money an issue (ie perhaps he couldn’t afford a ring to your taste?)

It’s not about the ring it’s about who you’re spending rest of your life with. Although of course I’d probs change the ring as you don’t want to have to wear something you don’t like every day.

It seems even odder to be fussed if you’ve actually been together 11yrs, but I can imagine you have dreamed of the day he comes good and secures your future together for certain x Congratulations on your engagement!

We’d been together 2.5yrs when we got engaged. We already had a house together and knew marriage was soon.

We went for afternoon tea at a nice (small) chateau and while we were enjoying it we both agreed that it would be our first choice as a wedding venue. The next day we talked about what date in about a year would work and then he rang them up and booked it.

Three days later we went ring shopping together and looked at lots before getting a quote for my favourite. We came home and I felt very odd about the cost of it and whether he really wanted it. He saw I was quiet and unsure so in the doorway of our lounge, on both knees 🤣, witnessed by our cat he proposed. It was perfect.

Then he got some parcel string out of a drawer and tied it on my finger. I wore it for 3 weeks before the ring was ready lol ❤️

I got the ring and the proposal I preferred because we always communicated openly about expectations x

Did he know you wanted an all the bells & whistles proposal? He's not psychic, but he tried re the ring, tho he got it not quite right. This could be a communication issue, not everyone even your partner has the exact same wants re the big life stuff. Was it low key because he hates fuss? If so you may be total opposites & need a lot of compromising re how you approach the bigger life events.

I can see where you are coming from. It's ok to feel that way.

Imagine if you weren't polite when someone showed you there ring. Oh congrats on your engagement your ring is ugly.

Bless him for trying 🤪 and thinking that's a hint 🤦‍♀️

It’s really sweet that he took notice of what you said about someone else’s ring even if he might not have fully understood what you meant. I think that’s romantic - maybe he can’t read your mind, but his heart is there and you have lots of time to get to know each other more.