Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

[fungalinthejungle]

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

“It seems to be a badge of honour on here to not give a shit about how you get proposed to or what your ring looks like.”

Yes exactly OP. This is what I never understand about MN. it’s like a race to the bottom here’s sometimes.

Newsflash - it is possible to have a beautiful, meaningful proposal AND know he’s still the right one for you AND the marriage lasts.

Why would these things be mutually exclusive?

The way I look at it, life can be crap at times, so if you can’t celebrate the special moments, then why not?

DP proposed to me in my friends back garden while we were stood outside smoking. It was unexpected (at that moment- something we had talked about for ages, but I didnt expect it then) he had no ring so we made do with a haribo and we bought a ring then next day.
It's the sentiment behind it for me - I'm not materialistic etc and it was the whole thing for me that made it special. We should have been getting married next month and have had to postpone, it will be even more special when we get there in June 2021.

OP honestly it's not worth engaging (no pun intended) with all the responses, it will mess with your head. I posted something unrelated years ago after I had a baby and the responses upset me for months. You know what you know about your relationship. It'll be fine.

A ring you wear proudly every day should be something you LOVE! If it’s sized too small, gently suggest a trade-in for what you’d love.

A friend of mine hates her engagement ring and has hated it for every year of her very happy 20 year marriage. She still hasn’t brought herself to say to her DH that she hates it so she wears lots of other random rings on her wedding ring finger instead, that bring her joy. Always looking for a new one. I always think she could have saved herself all that hassle and expense if she had just told him during the engagement that it wasn’t to her taste! Just tell him and save yourself from having to look down in however many years and still dislike it. I think my friend’s DH is still clueless as to why she doesn’t wear it! Sometimes they won’t take a hint

Well, I'm going to say something I very rarely say, and that is that I feel incredibly sorry for straight blokes who are expected to do all this romantic perfect ring, perfect time, perfect location thing for a proposal!

We suggested to each other, whilst slightly drunk, at a straight friends wedding, that we should get socially-partnered. Asked again the next day when we were sober. Went out together to get a pair of rings -- and good job we did, she had never worn a ring before and we discovered she was allergic to certain metals. Chose a pair of bands together for wedding, and then we had a second ring each when we converted to a marriage. We made the romance together, I think it is frankly ridiculous to put all this on one partner who is supposed to create the perfect romantic proposal.

Mind you, we also had to write our own ceremony script, because our local authority had only done a couple, and didn't have any suggestions, so we wrote ours and they asked if they could have a copy! So we really did it ourselves! Romance is what you make it, and best if you make it together. Don't expect someone else to serve it all up for you on a plate and it to be perfect.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese your friend's story made me chuckle!

@CJsGoldfish how is it juvenile to want a romantic thought out proposal or to wear a piece of jewellery I like?

Hey, I agreed you should have a ring you like

If you don't understand why the whole 'proposal' thing, or your IG expectations of it, seems juvenile, perhaps you're not ready for actual real life marriage. 🤷‍♀️

I find it works better all round if I let Dh know what I want ... if I want him to be romantic or buy a particular present. Gone are the days when we used to buy each other "thoughtful" gifts that we both pretended we loved.

Everyone's idea of a beautiful, meaningful proposal is different isn't it? Of course yours was meaningful Op unless you think dp didn't mean any of it? Why dwell on it.

Tell him you don’t like the ring and that you would like to chose a new one together! My husband just gave me a token ring and I picked my own

If you don’t feel you can be honest about the ring then you have a problem already in your relationship!

Why has marriage suddenly come up after eleven years? Had you never discussed it before?

And how have you made it to eleven years without him having any idea as to your tastes and expectations?

Do you want a glamorous proposal and wedding or do you want to be married to him?

It seems to be a badge of honour on here to not give a shit about how you get proposed to or what your ring looks like.

No, just folk who have been there, done that have the experience to know that in the end the proposal, the ring, the dress is all window dressing. If you dreamt of a particular proposal you could have told him you wanted something special (after 11 years I’m guessing you’ve talked about marriage before he proposed), proposed yourself in the way you wanted to. In all honesty after 11 years I’m guessing he thought it was a formality.

As for the ring, again you complain someone on their ring and he bought you something similar. You have a chance to change it given it’s too small.

If you’re disappointed, you’re disappointed but life really isn’t moments captured on video to share with your friends, It’s not a badge of honour not to give a shit, but neither is it one to be disappointed that it isn’t happen in the way you wanted to because it didn’t match the tearful, romantic efforts of your friends.

With the greatest of respect the more you post the more petulant you sound.

"Fired with love, and certainty, and no small amount of beer, he slipped down on one knee, grabbed her hand and asked the question. It hung in the air for an endless moment, as the music from the band swirled around the raucous chat and laughter from the other punters in the pub, and he waited, breath held, the rest of his life in the balance. Her face was unreadable; brow slightly furrowed. And then, suddenly, she understood. And she leaned into him, with that smile that never failed to light up any room, took his hand tightly in both of hers and said, looking deep into his eyes with no hint of reservation or doubt...

"I've got some in my bag."

(And then, once he'd taken the cigarette out of sheer politeness, he tried again, and she said 'yes', and on The Day the sun came out of nowhere and it was official, and they've been laughing and loving together ever since)"

^^true, grown up story

Tell him you wanted a big shebang proposal and the ring isn't your thing

Please don't.

Jeeze, I have to feel sorry for men on this. They're supposed to be mind readers? They're supposed to know when their girlfriend's just being polite when she says to someone else "I love your ring!"?

I'm sure only a tiny proportion of women get these sentimental proposals. Social media has really got things out of proportion for people.
Our proposal moment was very mundane, and the next day we shopped for the ring together (yes, at H Samuel!) and we had 38 years of very happy marriage until his death parted us.
Oh, and I haven't worn my engagement ring in decades because my fingers got too fat!

Oh I'm sorry I don't understand. Getting married is a heartfelt commitment to each other. It should come out of love and care and be something that understands that marriage is a beautiful and ambitious commitment to be together through thick and thin for the rest of your lives.

Hopefully it is an equal bond of love, care and commitment and nothing to do with a theatrical commitment from a man to a woman to manage with a flourish and the perfect ring. Please, please dont enter into marriage with an idea thats its all about how he frames his love for you. If its not an equal and loving commitment then you're going to get in
a horrible mess. Think hard. Do you love this man and want to be with him through thick and thin for the rest of your life? Or do you want to act a scene in a movie? The latter will have very poor odds on delivering you a happy marriage. Marriage is a very serious and loving commitment for two adults. Are you up for that? Do you have the commitment and passion for it? Fuck a proposal and a ring, have you got the backbone to love, care and support him through thick and thin?

What would be the purpose of telling him that his proposal didn't meet expected standards? Is he supposed to do it again?! After rehearsing with a script op has helpfully provided?
How insane 😆

I never really got a proposal. We had our first child and decided it would be best to get married. I also chose the ring myself. I’m nit romantic at all though !

Be honest with him in a nice way.

He didn't go down on one knee or say any speech or anything

If DH had inflicted that on me, it would have been a straight no.

I think he wouldn't mind if you got it changed after lock down, if you can. He was getting something he thought you liked because of a comment he made. Sure he will be happier knowing you love your ring and would be happy for you to choose it together.

My OH proposed by text. Never felt happier than I did seeing those words. If you are so bothered by the ring and the proposal perhaps you aren't in love?

Do people expect to wear engagement rings for life? Er, yes many people do. The only people I know who don’t are nurses and not allowed anything other than a plain band.

Op, start planning a glitzy wedding ring of your dreams and enjoy a happy marriage. It’ll seem so minor in a few years.

My proposal was awful, just awful he got drunk.. I so t say too much but I thought long and hard about ending it over the lack of thought.

The ring I chose, I had to go alone and tell him what I'd like, he hadn't even bothered to "try"

He's still utterly shit at buying gifts and thinking about making moments special. I really really wish I'd pulling him up on all of it at the time. Hindsight is a great thing.

But please don't brew and settle and make sure to get the ring you love.