Disappointed in my ring and proposal.

[fungalinthejungle]

Has anyone ever felt this way? I got engaged just before lockdown.

It was at home, just the two of us. No fanfare. And the ring is not exactly what I'd dreamed of. He then had a jam packed week at work so I barely saw him and then we went into lockdown.

So we haven't been able to see any family and friends but that's just one of those things.

I sound so ungrateful but I'd always dreamed of an amazing proposal moment and feeling excited and not disappointed when I saw the ring.

Ultimately I know that it doesn't really matter because we are getting married and I hate myself for feeling this way.

Has anyone else ever felt the same?!

Did your partner know you wanted a bigger grand gesture for a proposal with a celebration after for family/friends? Had you talked about it?

For many people the big gesture proposal isn't something they want, and for many people they want to celebrate together, the two of them, and don't want parties and a big fuss made. Unless you had told your partner differently they may not be aware.

Re the ring - again, had this been talked about? Is it something you can ask to change?

I don’t have an engagement story. I can’t imagine anyone would want to hear it.

Just in case anyone does, I texted DH a picture of a wedding venue, and said, ‘We could get married here’. He texted back ‘We could.’ I texted back ‘On my birthday would be a good day.’

Two months later we were married. No ring. I just wore the eternity ring I’d been wearing for three years. Took it off and put it back on for the ceremony and now it’s my wedding ring.

Surely if you had such fixed ideas about the proposal then you should have arranged it and proposed to him?

But where has the OP said she wanted a proposal video or a big Instagram scene? She hasn’t said this at all People are reading things that aren’t there.

She had simply said that she’s not sure about the ring and it would have been nice if he’d got on one knee and said a bit more. If that’s how she feels, then that’s how she feels.

That’s all. No mention of videos or Facebook or audiences or anything.

Well, she said she'd dreamed of "an amazing proposal moment" which she's disappointed she hasn't got. Slightly different.

No, but then I never had any childish fantasies about proposals or weddings.

You sound very ungrateful and unreasonable in my opinion.

“CanICelebrate

You sound very ungrateful and unreasonable in my opinion.”

Love the username, but the answers is obviously a resounding “NO” if this is your attitude.

The whole notion of waiting for the man to ‘propose’, expectations of going down on one knee, putting a ring on a woman’s finger.... it is so outdated and sexist.

Why does a woman have to wait with bated breath ‘dreaming’ of a proposal, to find out if her partner has chosen her for marriage?

Surely a lifelong commitment is something couples come to understand and agree together?

How can an equal partnership depend on one half waiting for the other half to decide to propose?

It is a pantomime.

Of course it's ok to be disappointed!! Maybe I'm soppy or romantic but to me the man you love asking you to marry him should be a really special moment. I absolutely wouldn't tell him you're disappointed with the proposal. Could you learn to love the ring for what it symbolises? @fungalinthejungle

Sorry I haven't RTFT it's now too long but I understand about the ring, you're going to be wearing it for years and you need to love it. I absolutely would want to chose a ring. My DH when he proposed told me his gran had left him a couple of rings in her will so did I want to have a look at them? I was appalled!! However, I loved one of the two and once altered, that became my engagement ring. If I hadn't love it, my DH would definitely have let me choose another one though.

Why does a woman have to wait with bated breath ‘dreaming’ of a proposal, to find out if her partner has chosen her for marriage?
When they've lived together for 11 years it's even more baffling that she couldn't possibly have seen it coming, or that they wouldn't have made the decision together rather than an overblown "asking for her hand" scenario?
Surely the razzmatazz is for breathless lovers at the start of their relationship?

Not loving the ring I can understand.

My engagement ring belonged to my nan. It's beautiful but very old fashioned as they got engaged in the 1930s. I wouldn't have chosen it in a jeweller's however, the sentimentality because it was my nan's and everything that symbolises, is what is important to me. You might not have chosen this ring for yourself but doesn't what it symbolises (your fiancée's love and desire to spend his life with you) make it beautiful?

Incredibly ungrateful. Why did you build up "The proposal" into something contrived as so many are. A proposal is just that, and it should be an equal agreement between two people to make the ultimate comitment to spend your lives together. In our society it is such a nonsense that it should be this male led romantic offer to the blushing gushing female who is oh so grateful. In reality most people come to a gentle and gradual feeling of deep love. The propsal is artificial . The same goes for people who put so much store on the "Big Day" and its all about me, Kerching to the wedding industry,
Have a thought for what this ring represents, not what it looks like, and think about the next 50 years of loving and growing together. Much of it will be hard work and not abit romantic. I am 47 years in, it was all worth it, but engagement and wedding? Just a day in the life, now the birth of a child? Thats something else entirely. Good luck and have a good marriage

Just here to comment about wearing engagement rings. Only read a few pages but shocked by how many people dont wear theirs anymore! I'm only married 4 years, but cant imagine ever wanting to take it off and no one else I know who has had a long marriage doesnt wear theirs either. How odd!

Why didn't you propose to him?

He didn't go down on one knee or say any speech or anything

Why one earth should he? You are being very silly OP.

And I never had an engagement ring and have, thus far, lost two wedding rings! Jewellery is really not important to me - my husband is though.

Op I totally get it. I posted this exact same thread a few years ago......and I was crushed by the replies saying how much of a horrible asshole I was!

I 100% would explain to him about the ring, he'd surely want to know?!

I still try to blank it out my mind how shit my proposal was..........I guess I just totally got it wrong. It was rushed, with very little emotion or any kind of thought. Completely unlike my fiancée........

Don't watch videos of other peoples proposals, that's my take on this. If someone is making a video, it's staged anyway.

I'll never understand why this is important to some people but I get that it is and we're all different. OP, if you've been dreaming of a big romantic type proposal for years, it's likely that you'd have been disappointed with some aspect of it anyway. Try remember that your marriage is what counts, not the proposal. Congratulations, btw. :)

My proposal was in a car park and I was asked to get something from the glove compartment - I didn’t see the box and he had to point it out.

I would’ve loved for it to be on bended knee somewhere nice, but no big deal as with our life circumstances it was the right time, getting engaged was the main thing and I’d forgotten about it a week later.

He knows me well enough to know my tastes with jewellery and the ring was great for me. Had you never discussed it and did he know what you prefer? Did he know you wanted a big proposal? Even if there’d been no ring at the time I would’nt have cared its not what matters is it.

You sound a bit ungrateful and shallow and a future bridezilla once your wedding planning starts, unfortunately.

@fuuuuuuck how are things now though?

@ArgumentativeAardvaark still engaged......have a toddler now so wedding never really planned. Luckily we both want to get married just don't want a wedding so when our child is a bit older he can watch us "get married"

Ps I've got a fucking incredible engagement ring which we went to chose together. The one he proposed with was just a "ring" to propose with .........

I never told anyone in RL about how gutted I was about the proposal ..........

You've said a few times that you do want to marry him. Is it the Wedding Day that you are looking forward to or the actual marriage?

I honestly didn't give a stuff how I was proposed to or what wedding we had, I just knew that DH was the man I wanted to spend my time with. Probably unusual I know, but for me the marriage was far more important than the things leading up to it.