To not want to move to Wales?

[dgarcia85]

My OH and I live in SE London and we are about to start TTC. We both agree we need to decide where we want to live as we want our kids to have a stable home and not move around. I work at a council and earn £35K. It’s a great place to work and I don’t want to leave. I also will be starting a second consulting job soon earning an additional £10K. My OH is studying p/t and earns £20K. I want to move closer to work most likely Purley renting first and then buying when we can afford too. OH doesn’t think we will ever be able to buy anything in Croydon/London and he wants to move to Wales where his parents are as it’s cheaper and they can help out with any kids. I’m from the Caribbean originally and I’ve been living in London for 15 years and made it my home and I don’t really want to start over in another new plus. Hi Plus I feel like our mixed race kids would fit in better in London and I love my job. I know Wales makes more sense financially but I can’t bring myself to agree to it and its now causing arguments....

Now that’s more like it

OP Wherever it is I'd be very wary of moving away from your own friends and family to somewhere you don't know and having DC, then depending on your in-laws for childcare. So many stories on MN of women who have moved for a partner's wishes and then struggled to settle in the new place.
FWIW I lived in Cardiff/S Wales as an incomer for 10 years. Loved a lot of things about it but living in a "multicultural area" we were seen as outsiders for being middle class and English. ultimately we moved "back" to London commuter belt due to lack of career progression options for both of us in our 30s.

The house I linked was under £200 grand. I live 5 mins away in a very spacious 4 bed detached worth a lot more. I posted that one so you could see how cheap but reasonable it can be in Wales

Do Croydon residents regularly go to the West End, Covent Garden or other London attractions?

Speaking for me only obviously, yes. Not so much “attractions” as they’ve been done over the years, but West End for shopping, South Bank, Borough, Hyde Park, St James’s Park for a nice walk etc, evenings out with friends, at least twice a month in some form or other. Door to door in under 30 minutes so it’s easy enough to do.

Do Croydon residents regularly go to the West End, Covent Garden or other London attractions

The ones I know do.

What a strange question.

It is like asking do the residents of Abercarn regularly go to the theatre and visit the museums in Cardiff?

Don’t forget that the mortgage Deegee will be able to get will be much reduced as she will be the sole earner and she won’t have the extra £10,000 per year job so with her basic salary and deposit the flat at £230,000 will be too expensive by about £30,000.

What a strange question.

It is like asking do the residents of Abercarn regularly go to the theatre and visit the museums in Cardiff?

I don’t think it’s a strange question because I live not too far from Cardiff but don’t go there all the time because I work and have family commitments as do most people.

Jesus! Racism, poverty, anti-social behaviour in teens, insufficient services, substandard education and medical care! You’d think Wales was a failed state full of impoverished, uncultured, savages. Nice.

It is like asking do the residents of Abercarn regularly go to the theatre and visit the museums in Cardiff?

I my experience people living just outside the city rarely go there. They like the option of being able to go whenever but they rarely do.

I know this is a bit of a doom & gloom thing to say but I have known 2 or 3 couples where one strongly wanted to be rural and away from London, the other wanted London, and honestly? Those relationships did not last.

How you want to live, the pace of life you want, how you want to raise your family, these are big, big issues.

OP. If you stay in London, he's never going to be happy. If you move to Wales you probably won't be either, especially if he doesn't even want to be in Cardiff.

It's very sad if you love him but that sort of incompatibility is very hard to overcome. One of you will have to sacrifice a lot to stay together and it be will be hard to not to resent the other.

Rezie I live on the edge of London and have always gone into Central London (about 30 minutes away) at least once or twice per week.
We eat out regularly as a family and go to the theatre or just have a wander down the Thames etc I meet friends for lunch.
Dd went to school in Central London.

My friends who live a little further out than me also go in regularly.
I think that not making use of what is so close is a shame.

I miss not going in as it energises me. The last time we went though was just before Christmas. Dd has been ill a few days before and recovered then Ds went down with something on Christmas Day then I went down with the same thing over New Year and into January

Even in Mid February I wasn’t up to walking even a hundred yards and it was only just before lockdown that I started to get back to walking without falling down with exhaustion after a few metres

Do Croydon residents regularly go to the West End, Covent Garden or other London attractions?

I guess it depends on what you defines as regular.
I live in London (zone 2/3) as do pretty much all of my friends & most travel into zone 1 for work. Therefore you don't want to be making that journey on the weekends, even if the journey is only 15 mins you still have to get to the station & the destination on the other side. If you have dc weekends are busy with clubs & hobbies. I have lots of great restaurants & amenities at my local high street so go there. I only go into zone 1 for leisure purposes maybe once a month. I guess if you live in outer zones & have a tiny high street/limited offer you might do it more often but the friends I know who live in Croydon tend to shop there or Sutton & eat out there too eg S Croydon or Box park.

BBK. - yes I see that and it is remarkably cheap for a house.

In terms of “going into London”, do people mean the West End and Southbank areas? Or would somewhere like Kensington / Knightsbridge be included? We live in Zone 2 West London and tend to use the shops around Chelsea / Kensington / Knightsbridge way than the big flagship West End stores. What I love about this area is that even after 20 years, I’m still discovering new backstreets. I love the elegant architecture of the white stucco buildings and the pastel-painted mews houses. When there’s no traffic, it’s like stepping back in time and you can imagine the streets with horse drawn carriages etc. We’ve been doing a LOT of walking during lockdown and have discovered places in the backstreets we would never have found otherwise. Once we walked 21 miles The kids love it.

For a change we might go for a walk down the South Bank and they do regularly drag me in to Soho / Chinatown to get some weird Bubbletea or Malaysian ice cream made of purple yams or all sorts of weird and wonderful stuff they see on Instagram. Covent Garden is fun.

I have recently rediscovered my youth because the kids have been dragging me to Brick Lane and Spitslfields. All very “hipster” but the street food is incredible.

But the other walks we like would be walking down the river from Putney to Richmond, or Hampstead to Highgate via the heath. We live the Portobello area too. So there’s lots of “centres” in London really that you can gravitate to.

This house, Risca on the outskirts of Newport, very commutable to Cardiff or Bristol, detached dormer bungalow, 4 bedrooms and two en-suite for £270k?

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-86055431.html

Again way over ops budget if she moved from her jobs in Croydon and she was the sole earner

Why show things that are not affordable

Ok, how about this one? 3 bed detached again in Risca £210K.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-88821362.html

When did the OP give any indication that she might want to live on the outskirts of Newport?

TBH Op's budget is going to be stretched with kids wherever she is

Either with child care or a single income.

Okay, what about this:

www.primelocation.com/for-sale/details/53978020?search_identifier=08085a43ab78935ecf7f7985574187ec

Cathays is the student part of town. There are plenty of bars and pubs and it's walking distance to the centre. You'd want to check there wasn't a student let next door...

Or this semi:

www.primelocation.com/for-sale/details/54674097?search_identifier=08085a43ab78935ecf7f7985574187ec

Ely's got a bad rep but I know the area well and this street is outside the estate and is absolutely fine (I walked past it as a kid on my way to school).

or this:

www.primelocation.com/for-sale/details/53956070?search_identifier=08085a43ab78935ecf7f7985574187ec

Roath's one of the nicer bits of cardiff and I'm really surprised it's so cheap.

The OP has a deposit of £50k. Unless the pair of them are planning not to work at all then all of these are likely to be within range.

That last one’s lovely, bags of character.

Childcare in Wales is probably half the cost of London though which is another possible factor if neither of them were to stay at home. I pay £40 for a nursery 8-6, I only have to provide nappies if needed. Nowhere near me is more than £45 for a full day and a full week is further discounted. Childminders are £4-6 an hour. It isn't just income and house prices to take into account.

"Loved a lot of things about it but living in a "multicultural area" we were seen as outsiders for being middle class and English"

Cardiff is full of middle class English people.

Why didn't you just move to Penylan or somewhere from wherever you were? You say multi-cultural so Butetown or Grangetown?

"I my experience people living just outside the city rarely go there. They like the option of being able to go whenever but they rarely do."

My colleague's grandmother lives in the Cardiff area and never goes to Cardiff because she has everything she wants in her small town. The point is, though, that you can if you want to.

"Roath's one of the nicer bits of cardiff and I'm really surprised it's so cheap."

That house is in Adamsdown/Splott and not Roath as claimed by the agent. You can tell by which side of Newport Rd it's on. Despite proximity to Roath, this is one of the most deprived areas of Cardiff (and of western Europe) but you'd have to see how you feel about the actual street. I was shocked at how big the garden was.

You'd have to pay me £200,000 to live in Splott although it does have a lot of culture! Beresford Road is just off Newport Road and therefore a nightmare for parking and traffic. It's also near a really dodgy pub.