To not want to move to Wales?

[dgarcia85]

My OH and I live in SE London and we are about to start TTC. We both agree we need to decide where we want to live as we want our kids to have a stable home and not move around. I work at a council and earn £35K. It’s a great place to work and I don’t want to leave. I also will be starting a second consulting job soon earning an additional £10K. My OH is studying p/t and earns £20K. I want to move closer to work most likely Purley renting first and then buying when we can afford too. OH doesn’t think we will ever be able to buy anything in Croydon/London and he wants to move to Wales where his parents are as it’s cheaper and they can help out with any kids. I’m from the Caribbean originally and I’ve been living in London for 15 years and made it my home and I don’t really want to start over in another new plus. Hi Plus I feel like our mixed race kids would fit in better in London and I love my job. I know Wales makes more sense financially but I can’t bring myself to agree to it and its now causing arguments....

That would depend really on whether the family could manage on one wage coming in. The male in this relationship is already a bit of a flake imo.

Pre lockdown we went to have a wander round different places or out to dinner or the theatre at least once per week.

She's got a point. You can't wander around in wales, or eat food or go to the theatre.

Not the arsehole of london which is 15 miles and a good hour's travel away from anywhere of interest.

Under 30 minutes.

Actually the baby groups in my part of South Wales are far superior to when I lived in Cheltenham, not to mention cheaper. There are at least 10 every day within a 10 minute drive, with stuff like baby swimming, toddler cooking, music, exercise, crafts, messy play, church groups etc etc. Plus all the usual parks, plus far more open spaces. Apparently Wales is a third world country to some though.

@thedancingbear 🤣

For those who think Wales does not have museums lol. however, you cannot take a child to museums every day, whereas you can eat sand sandwiches daily visiting beaches, the kids love it, you think well if the kids are happy

Not the arsehole of london which is 15 miles and a good hour's travel away from anywhere of interest.

If you live near the random tram stop your friend lived near. If you live near one of the main train stations you're 15-20 minutes from central London.

Just looking at places for sale in Abercarn, it doesn’t look all that inspiring.

And the crime rate is quite high given the population.

And the crime rate is quite high given the population.

If it's anything like Merthyr Tydfil or Aberdare where some of my family used to live then I can believe that.

Wales - even Cardiff - cannot compete with London in terms of the sheer volume and variety when it comes to culture and kids activities. That might not be the most important factor, but people saying “Wales has museums / galleries / facilities” - yes, of course it does. Some great ones. But nothing even approaching the offering in London. How many times can you actually go to St Fagans? (I went there for every school trip for about 6 years - it gets repetitive pretty quickly!). Pointing that out doesn’t mean that a poster is saying that Wales has nothing!

Think about what what your kids will be doing / hanging out with as teens. SE London obviously has its risks.

Yep.👍🏻😂

Ok so so just had a quick Google of this Abercarn.

Here’s your Post Office, OP.

If you live near one of the main train stations you're 15-20 minutes from central London.

It's ropey as fuck around East Croydon and diabolical around West Croydon. And very few people live within a few minutes of them anyway. It's a journey into town before you start your journey into london.

And you're 20 minutes from London Bridge - fine if you want to look at some offices. It's another half hour to the National History Museum.

When i lived in East Dulwich and then Peckham (both well connected - on the East Croydon train line in fact) the rule of thumb was an hour to get anywhere in central london. You can add 10-15mins at least for croydon.

If you think that teens in deprived rural areas are less likely to get into trouble than teens in urban areas then more fool you. On my last trip to Merthyr Tydfil I got off the train at 6pm on a Friday evening to find a large group of teenagers hanging around the station entrance, smoking, fighting and throwing broken bottles. Obviously sod all else to do.

I posted earlier OP, but confess I'd skimmed the thread. Your updates get worse and worse every time.

Please read GentleParent's post at about 10.13am this morning. Absolutely spot on.

So many red flags, I'm worried for you.

• MIL saying you're being selfish by not moving into her home in her village! Unbelievable!!! Who thinks that????!!

-DP supporting this view! Massive concern.

-DP living at home with Mum until 29, and after only 3 years wants to go back to living with Mum

-You quitting your highly paid job and taking a huge pay cut to please him. Again a massive concern.

• DP taking 5 years to do an OU degree in an industry where only those at cutting edge progress. Even on a FT degree the hours are not actually FT and he could work. What a dubious decision on his part. It feels like he sought the easy option- sorry to say OP.

• him suggesting he becomes a SAHD- even though he won't have got a job by then; this will only set his "career" back even further and basically he'll be living off you forever.

• DP hasn't made an effort to make friends in London, eg joined any sports teams etc feels like he hasn't committed to giving it a go in London- he's just biding his time until he can drag you back up to his village.

• DP unwilling to consider a compromise like Bristol / Cardiff - very dubious

• saying he "will stay if he has to but won't be happy about it" is a very emotionally manipulative way to phrase this.

-you saying he treats you like a Princess. I'm always dubious of that one. Never a good sign ime. You seem to contribute the lions share of everything and he has asked you to give up a lot. I'm worried there's an element of control. Not saying he's a horrible person, but given his mother's attitude perhaps the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree.

I'm sorry if it's upsetting and don't mean to sound unkind. You sound amazing, gutsy and you've made a real success of yourself. I'm not sure what he's bringing.

Have you actually properly investigated if you can afford to buy say, using Help to Buy in London? I'd have though you could. It would be worth properly investigating this. I'd try to buy by yourself, and have a clause which keeps him off the deeds to be honest, until he can contribute his fair share, but I feel a growing sense of mistrust about him and protective over you having seen your updates.

@thedancingbear that's so true. I live in Clapham, yes it's a 15 min tube ride to Oxford circus but I still need to get to the tube, get on one & get to my actual destination. In realty journeys are much longer than the tube or train travel time.

Look OP, it’s got this “Jaggery” pub and another one.

I’m off ..,.

Thanks Oliversmumsarmy I've now looked them up too. Some of those houses are quite interesting aren't they?

And you are right about the crime stats. I live somewhere in the NW with about double the population of Abercarm and those crime stats are really big compared to our little town.

Sorry, is the person posting a picture of the Post Office implying that it is in any way inferior to any other Post Office? In fact, last time I was in there I was able to do ALL of the things I could do in any other post office, plus I could buy some lovely home made cakes. And the mountains as a backdrop? Don’t remember them from any Post Office I used when I lived in London...

Abercarn, is a deprived area, as is Caernarfon, Bethesda in N Wales, so thinking forward schools and the pupils within have the same problems. A friend teaches in a school in one of these areas. Believe me it is not rewarding inasmuch the pupils believe maybe rightly there is no hope in adult hood so play up a lot. Their parents do not care, push them so generation after generation the problem persists. When you have teachers bringing food to GCSE students because they are hungry, things are bad.

Which is, I should add, right in the middle of one of Europe’s premier mountain biking destinations.

I’m out- I can’t be doing with people looking down their noses any more.

"The male in this relationship is already a bit of a flake imo."

Because he's got an admin job and is doing an OU degree on the side. What a waster eh?

you cannot take a child to museums every day, whereas you can eat sand sandwiches daily visiting beaches, the kids love it, you think well if the kids are happy

It's nice that you have a lovely beach lifestyle, but Abercarn is at least 40 minutes drive from the beach, so it's not something that OP is likely to be doing daily.

Yes Abercarn is just hideous...

Croydon, is a deprived area, as is South Norwood, so thinking forward schools and the pupils within have the same problems. A friend teaches in a school in one of these areas. Believe me it is not rewarding inasmuch the pupils believe maybe rightly there is no hope in adult hood so play up a lot. Their parents do not care, push them so generation after generation the problem persists. When you have teachers bringing food to GCSE students because they are hungry, things are bad.

Fixed!