I need to know whether I would be unreasonable to blow my top when DH wakes up

[Namechanger20183110]

Some perspective please, as I've been up all night with a teething baby and I'm not in the most rational of places right now.

DH is working from home and has been since lockdown started, even on the weekends to "catch up", even though he's doing more hours now than he's ever done. He spends the whole day working in the bedroom while I entertain a baby and a hyperactive pre-schooler. I feel like I get no break. He has done one "night shift" with the baby in the 6 months since he was born. We sleep in separate rooms as I don't want him to be disturbed from when the baby monitor wakes him up as he will then moan about how tired he is the next day.

So I'm stressed from looking after the kids all day and being confined to the house, I'm sleep deprived at the mo, and I'm also anxious generally about the family contracting the virus. So as you can imagine re the latter, i am trying to minimise how much we go to supermarkets etc.

Except DH just won't stop eating. He has form for eating a whole loaf of bread in one sitting for endless ham sandwiches, just as a "snack". He will hoover up anything that's in the house : chocolates, crisps, wraps, pittas, cheeses, leftovers, frozen ready meals, pizzas, noodles - anything and everything has snack potential to him. I make healthy meals with huge portions for dinner, but it's never enough.

We are spending an obscene amount on shopping every week. Given the limit on buying only 3 of certain items, i'm trying to explain to him to we need to be considerate about what we eat as I don't want us making multiple trips out to re-stock the fridge and cupboards , we're in the middle of a pandemic here and surely need to make some sacrifices?! It just falls on deaf ears.

He is 16 stone, so not obese, but is definitely overweight. He is 38. He was told by a doctor only before Xmas that his bloods showed that he is borderline diabetic. He has history of type 2 diabetes in his family. But still he eats chocolates, biscuits and cereals like there is no tomorrow.

Ham! Endless amounts of ham. I have to buy it as DS wants it in his sandwiches, but the packet is gone within a day. 30 slices. I have told him about the links with ham and processed red meat with cancer and that it's risky for him to be eating up to 60 slices of wafer ham in one week (yes, 60, I'm sure he's had more than that in some weeks) but it's like he doesn't give a shit!! If I was constantly doing something that increased my risk of getting cancer, he'd go mad at me

He's not overeating because of stress about the virus by the way, he has eaten like this for years.

Last night after putting both kids to bed (which also seems to be my sole responsibility), I made a really nice dinner of Mediterranean sea bass with loads of veg and a shit load of rice , enough rice to fill 3 dinner plates to the top, as I wanted to make sure he was full up so that he didn't feel the need to snack again before he went to bed. He ate the shit load of rice, all of it.

I cleared up the kitchen and went up to bed at 9. He came up at 1am as I was awake with the baby and heard him. While I was tossing and turning at 10pm ish, I heard him in the kitchen helping himself to more food.

I've come downstairs with the baby at 5.30am and the kitchen looks a complete state. A sink full of dishes. Rubbish everywhere, condiments left out with their lids half hanging off. So last night, after eating the huge fuck off meal I made, he then went on to eat half a bag of Birdseye chicken dippers, 2 wraps, 4 slices of bread, lots of salad, lots of cheese, nearly a full packet of ham (which has 30 slices in it) and about 3 bowls of cereal. I'm not scavenging through the bins by the way, he's left the evidence on the worktops.

I'm so fucking fed up of having this same tireless discussion with him. It's so selfish, why the fuck does he need to eat so much when I'm making him filling dinners every night!? And to leave the mess for me to deal with in the morning!! Every time I raise this with him I'm made to feel like I'm neurotic.

Am I just dealing with this irrationally because I'm overly stressed, or am I right to be annoyed??

I need a big coffee

My H is the same and I can relay to everything you've said. He basically eats everything I buy with no consideration for the rest of us. To top it off, Dc's and I have allergies and dietary restrictions and are not able to just pop to the shop to get what we need. This doesn't stop him and has caused untold arguments over the years. Lockdown has been no exception unsurprisingly.

My H clearly has some issues with food, which in itself is not a problem but his unwillingness to address it is. Underlying all this is an inherent selfishness that pervades his thinking in general, so we also have the constant disappearing off to 'work', not pulling weight, and spending ridiculous amounts of money on snack food without actually getting proper food we need.

Countless conversations have fallen on deaf ears, and these behaviours are a major turn off, so we are separating. He still thinks it's all completely acceptable and normal but my eyes have been opened.

Just stop ‘over catering’ and ‘over shopping’...cook exactly what you are going to eat for that meal...sensible, healthy (NOT over-indulgent portions!) and only buy healthy non-processed food! Stop indulging his arse! Whilst I do sympathise, and yes, he’s an adult and should, in most circumstances be treated as such, these are extenuating circumstances and until things are ‘back to normal’ you might just have to treat him like a difficult child and ‘cut off his allowance’ so to speak! You can’t trust him to shop apparently, so that’s out, he’s clearly lying about spending 7 days a week working on his computer (to get out of contributing to anything to do with parenting or household chores by the sound of it!), and he’s definitely got an eating disorder which requires help as soon as possible. So do him a favour...cut off his supply of crap and just provide healthy nutritious food in the house in realistic adult sized portions! That’s not cruel...it’s just normal 🤷‍♀️ Do daily shops if that’s what it takes! Get rid of everything else so there is literally just a day’s worth of food.

Do daily shops if that’s what it takes!

Daily shops are hardly practical at the moment, and more to the point, why should Op put herself at increased risk? She is already anxious about Covid, which was in the op and central to the post.

It's his issue. He should address it rather than just carrying on blindly expecting those around to solve it for him.

I also bet he's more than 16 stone, he's probably put on an extra stone and a half in lockdown. He's probably obese already. Even if he isn't, he certainly will be if he carries on even for another year like that.

So sympathetic, have lived with out of control eater and you do want to bash your head on a brick wall. However, you will not win, it's compulsive and he needs to want to change. You can look at your own diet and make sure you are how you want to be.

The issues with tidying/being a lazy arse hiding in his room are really big ones, but others have already addressed those.

Unless he is 6ft 6, he is overweight at 16 stone

Sounds like you've separated under one roof anyway.
You're in different bedrooms, which in itself isn't an issue if people are pulling their weight.
He works all week.
Does no childcare.
Eats what you cook, dies he ever make food? Binges after. It might be disordered eating but the fact he's not arsed would drive me crazy.
He's said the onus is on you to officially break up the family by leaving as he's happy, no issues on his side...a great abusive tactic to lay the blame at your door, 'oh I didn't want to split, she left me, I was working 7 days a week, I just ate a few snacks.'

Very manipulative.

he replied that I can move out if im unhappy, reason being that he's not unhappy so he's not going to go - my response to that was "of course you're fucking happy, you've got an easy life, a tolerant wife and 2 kids that you don't have to parent, why would you want to leave".

He doesn't give a shit op

sorry, wrong thread! Asked for that to be taken down.

Sorry wrong thread...have asked fir it to be removed 👍

I would start putting Mr Greedy pictures on everything in the fridge and in the cupboard. Maybe even a giant Mr Greedy picture on the fridge and cupboard themselves. Stop cooking for him at all. He sounds gross. Perhaps introduce him to your kids, and go out for a while - at meal times. Let him handle it. Make yourself a sandwich and go for a walk

Is he eating whilst working, or just making up for it at night?

I think that as an adult he can decide what he eats and when. However, the mess and empty packets, etc I would not be happy with.

I wrote my reply before reading through the other replies. I am shocked and disgusted at 90% off the responses!

This man clearly has an eating disorder. Would you call an Anorexic worlds like he had been called here - greedy bastard, selfish fucker, etc? No you wouldn’t because there would be uproar!

Why is it okay to say this about someone who clearly has a mental issue and binge eats?

To the poster who advises sticking ‘mr greedy’ photos on the food - would you advise sticking skeleton photos on the food if the man was anorexic?

Probably because most of us would never take food from our kids mouths so what kind of disorder is that? There are MH issues, and then there are greedy, selfish gits who put themselves first

Mr Greedy pics!!!

Your DH most likely has parasites in the gut. It's very common. Look at cleansing (you can buy month long capsules etc) and a salt water cleanse to flush out the intestinal flukes. Then he'll have double the energy and will be clear headed enough to receive your message that he needs to support more. But seriously, the cleansing thing first.

Glitteryone whether he has an eating disorder or not, he's a lazy self centered bastard who doesn't pull his weight in any way in the house. No housework, no childcare, doesn't even tidy up after himself, even when his wife is working full time in a highly pressured job.

I have been known to binge eat (depression can do that to some) and despite being obese I couldn't eat in a day what this man eats for a snack between meals. I also wouldn't be eating food that was meant for others, if necessary I would go out & buy more for myself/to replace what I'd taken.

Dude is behaving like he's not even aware there are other people in the house with him.

He might have a condition he needs to see a GP for, he might just need to exercise some self-control. Regardless, OP is well within her rights to insist things change.

There's the eating - yes, see a doctor. Insist he does if it is to an extent he is prepared to carry on eating and leave others short in the house. The line between selfishness and some sort of disorder is very blurred indeed. They are also not mutually exclusive conditions.

Then there's the continuous working, not helping with the children, and leaving mess everywhere. No free pass with these should be given.

I meant to say: The line between selfishness and some sort of disorder is very blurred IN THIS CASE not in all cases, obviously.

think you should lay off getting after him about how much he eats. What he eats is his business, even if you find it revolting and unhealthy (both of which it is). It's his problem

Lay off him? Lay into him would be better!

It's not his business when he's eating the food meant for the family and OP goes out to bloody buy! It's become her problem!

Sorry haven’t read past the first page but my thoughts were I weigh more than that and eat no where near that much. He must be being sick? Sounds awful ☹️

Do you think he would be willing to read something about reversing diabetes or prediabetes? Or something like Tom Watson's book 'Downsizing'.

Your DH most likely has parasites in the gut. It's very common. Look at cleansing (you can buy month long capsules etc) and a salt water cleanse to flush out the intestinal flukes. Then he'll have double the energy and will be clear headed enough to receive your message that he needs to support more. But seriously, the cleansing thing first.

Which intestinal flukes are those exactly??
What a load of bollocks.

If he did have 'flukes' a salt water cleanse would make bugger all difference.

Utterly astonishing that folk genuinely believe this shite.