To ask my husband to take annual leave

[MindBoggles]

I'm furloughed - I have two school age kids.

It's been 6 weeks now. If me doing all the cooking cleaning etc and home schooling DH has an office job so is wfh. He's gone down to 80% of salary but still working 5 days cos he's busy.

I've told him I can't cope anymore. My anxiety is through the roof. I'm obese and BAME. I'm not sleeping. I literally wake 3-4 times a night.

I'm doing all the food planning etc I don't know if I'll have a job at the end of all this. I worry about DH job too.

I think he should either actually work 4 days or take time off to just give me a day off.

I feel ridiculous and sure if I could just sleep I would be fine. We have a gorgeous garden and kids never want to go out they want to play indoors (not on screens just dolls etc).

Home schooling is tough. I'm so fed up. I'm so so fed up and everyone is a priority over me - I feel I'm at the beck and call of everyone

It’s not a race to the bottom! We all have different situations, relationships and personal capacities

Thanks @PaddingtonsHat you're right it's not a race.

Neither do people know what has caused people to be more anxious than others. I have previously suffered from severe PND (one baby ventilated another in SCBU) lead to this - I am renowned for putting pressure on myself. Daughter of an alcoholic who is now dead. It's traits of adult children of alcoholics. I was sexually assaulted as a child. I'm not drip feeding but I know why I have tendencies to be anxious - leads to dark feelings. My self harm is probably my obesity . A constant battle of diets - not eating - exercising - falling off the wagon and binge eating.

Things get big for me in my head so I have to try get them under wraps - and yes sometimes I need time out.

So I just wanted to say thank you and yes Paddington is right it's not a race - each at their own pace and others will need more help for a multitude of reasons.

I have to constantly battle with my thoughts/feelings/demons - I feel alone and scared at times as to what my own mind could lead me to do - at times I'm irrational. I have to take a lot of control of these demons - I'm constantly battling to understand myself and I'm always questioning myself. Am I being authentic am I being myself?

For those who have taken time out to offer kindness and support I thank you.

@MindBoggles I really do have a clue and believe me with the demanding job I have and looking after her i manage my time
You sound unmotivated and entitled, you literally have nothing else to do then look after two young children, stop complaining , others are out there risking their lives me included , get a grip and pull your weight in your marriage and home , your husband must be very understanding

I don’t see why other posters are so opposed to the dh taking annual leave. Surely he can at least ask about whether it is possible? Giving a stressed out mum a mental health break seems like an excellent reason to take leave to me. At the very least I hope you can take a day off at the weekend op. don’t be hard on yourself, it sounds really tough.

Posts sorry.

It's the least insulted I've ever felt so I wouldn't use it if that's your intention!

Reptile? Eh?

Delta 1 offended enough to report the comment though , pathetic dish out insults but cant take them.

Who never insulted you? Certainly not me. I was defending the OP from your nastiness . Don't be silly.

Sorry - should say who insulted you?

Absolutely agree! One docile baby compared to 2 active primary school children requiring home schooling!! You have no clue smile

For the avoidance of doubt @Smilebehappy123 this is what I said.

@Smilebehappy123 you're coming across as very angry and bitter - I'm sure there must be something else going on for your to take it out on me.

On that note I've taken on board lots of advice and we're having a much better day.

And yes thankfully - god bless him - my DH can be very understanding. Not sure what you mean by 'entitled' but yes I do feel entitled to have a break from my children.

Having a baby compared to two kids is very different!

Mind boggles maybe its risking my life daily means my tolerance for pettiness and complaining is low.

Wow smile, as a social worker I’d assume you’d have a bit more sympathy for someone admitting they are struggling, your attitude is shocking

What are you doing about your anxiety op? That's something you need to take responsibility for - contacting gp, asking for counselling.

Realistically, even if your husband takes a day off that isn't going to help you is it? You both need a break. You need some free time and so does he.

I'm kind of with smile a bit. Two school age children don't need constant input or supervision so it's very possible to get housework done or dinner on.

Have a look at the TOMM method op. Housework is split into manageable chunks and it makes it much more manageable.

Nothing about the anxiety just yet - what can a GP do for me? I don't want to take medicine but I deffo have a lot of anxiety

There's lots that GPs can do - medication possibly but also counselling. I think you do have to take responsibility for that tbh.

Frankly, your husband taking a/l won't actually improve your anxiety will it?

Can I ask why you don't want to take medication? If you are in danger of self harming why wouldn't you consider it?
I take medication and it helps me and my family.

Dear, on your weekend, take your day off, and go and do whatever else you need to do... take it as the day you need to breathe away from the kids and the house... he can do the housework on Saturday, and you do the housework on Sunday (for e.g.!) ... or share the load depending on what you plan to do on your day off ...

It's impossible to cope if you're also doing the housework and kids on weekends as well with no break...

No no no you're not being unreasonable! Given the choice between the normalcy of working normal hours in a comfortable room even if it's not the office then coming in the house or downstairs for your tea and a quick hang out with the kids. Sounds blissful!!

Or spending all day cooking, cleaning, trying to teach and feeling your brain and your personality ebb away..

Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you should enjoy which is objectively a shit situation except for people that love homeschooling, cooking or cleaning.

As for what you can do I don't know. Personally I've found the only thing I can do is get myself a full time job so I get a bit of the sanity my husband can get. Sorry that's not much of a solution.

Or you could ignore your kids and stop cleaning, that's my other default.

So hard to switch off when you're dealing with so much. I took a couple of nytol last week when I really couldn't sleep. Don't know if it's a good idea but it did work.

Good luck, stay strong xx

Yes, he should take annual leave unless his employer has told him he can't for any reason. Dh is taking a day off each week unpaid (he's self-employed, so no work, no money). I am still working as normal (not furloughed), but I carry the weight of most of the childcare and housework and homeschooling because I can wfh. Dh can't wfh. But the trade off is he gets some homeschooling done in the morning before he starts work so I have little to do during the day and I can focus on work and keeping children generally happy and alive.

My employer has encouraged us to use annual leave as needed to support our wellbeing and I would imagine that would go for partners as well.

Why don’t you want to take medication. It might help. And gp can provide access to counselling and CBT