HELP - Neighbour just threatened us.

[hunghome]

Hi there, I know this isn't an entirely AIBU but is somewhat...

We moved house 6 weeks ago. Next door is a house converted into two flats, with an old man at the bottom. He has lived in there 44 years (he says) and from our understanding, rents (long term tennant).

He doesn't maintain his garden, he has trees around 20 metres high that are blocking light into our garden. We sent a note (due to Covid) asking if we could trim the trees and if he could discuss with us. We said we would pay.

Today he comes over the fence and says that we are bullies and should have knocked. I said no, because of corona and his age.

He then said our new rescue dog woke him up - she did bark at a cat this morning, it is something causing us issues and she is new (we have heard her 6 weeks also). No other neighbour minds (or says they don't anyway). He bangs on the fence etc which often provokes them.

He threatened to go to my husband's work to report him, report his story to the papers, said that if I have a baby the dog will kill it (they aren't even slightly violent). Said my dog tried to attack him (during lockdown he came to my car window and she barked at him).

I then said I didn't want to cut down the other neighbours evergreen as it is a nice tree (it is - and doesn't block light) and he said see 'did you get that' (to no one - he lives alone) and said he's recording me for his solicitor. I said I was unaware of him recording and that we will no longer speak and I shut the door and walked away.

I am shaking. What do I do?

Is there a way to find out who the landlord is without going through him?
I am scared he will try to poison the dog as he made several comments about getting rid of her.

OP - the trees were there long before you moved in. If you didn't like them, you should have thought of that before, not suddenly demand that they have to be butchered.

Those trees have far more right to live and breathe life into this planet than you do to cut them down.

If they were my trees and a brand new neighbour started going on about chopping bits off, I'd be fucking livid.

HTH

Could it he mental health issues ?
Perhaps he sees the trees as something very important for him and he sees you as the 'newbie intruders' who are disturbing the peace. As others have said, he sounds scared and is overly defensive because he feels threatened by you for some reason.
I wouldn't try to engage any further with him now and wait until corona is over, ring his doorbell and introduce yourselves properly with a small gift. Perhaps this will lower his guard and he might open up about what the real issue is.

Op I have no idea at all why you are getting a pasting on here.

You buy a house you love. Im assuming you viewed it over autum/winter when the trees are bare. You move and in and BAM that tree that has branches coming across your garden fence is suddenly massive and covered in green leaves. You do not want to cut the tree down, simply reduce how it encroaches onto your property. You are 100% perfectly and legally entitled to do this, just offer him the branches back. You approached this with a note after taking his lead as he had already sent a note, and because of COVID 19.

You have done NOTHING wrong. Your neighbours have had issue with him. He hates ALL dogs that have the cheek to bark, not just yours. I would report the threats of poisoning to the police, install a vedo camera back and front and then cut the overhanging branches down myself. Do not bother engaging verbally with him at all. Tell him any correspondonce or issues should be posted. It will only earn you grief from him.

Maybe he planted them in memory of someone, who knows? But you coming in like the Grim Reeper has upset him. Put your axe away.

You got an abused dog, so it's got issues, while moving? You really didn't think that one through at all did you? 🤦‍♀️

I would suggest taking the dog back to be honest. They need proper training and stability, which it doesn't sound like you're going to be able to provide.

You'd really be livid about a nicely worded note from someone offering to pay for some maintenance your trees that are overhanging their garden?

Threads like this make me realise what a dream we must be as neighbours I can't imagine getting so affronted at something so inconsequential. You either just say 'Yes that's fine' or 'No thanks'. That's it. There's no need to be livid or offended about it. She didn't climb over the fence and shit on them.

@yamadori and @ABlackRussianOP hasn't demanded anything, nor has she acted like the grim reaper. Read the note she wrote to him. It's been posted twice, ffs.

Why does everyone assume elderly people can't be nasty? My nan is bullied by her next door neighbour who is shock also elderly and he is bloody horrible to her and everyone. I would frankly love it if my neighbour paid for someone to do my garden lol

He seems like a grumpy old git and you seem a bit uptight. You’re going to clash terribly so I’d just move.

We have only seen what the OP tells us is in the note...
If we don't believe anything OP writes, we may as well not post any advice. We also haven't seen the man, or the trees. Has OP even passed the Turing test - is she real? Am I real? Does the universe exist?

The thing is, it's perfectly possible to be a poor old soul and an irascible twat at the same time.

Try to take the morals out of it (because really there isn't a right answer) and think about what you want out of the situation. Presumably you want him to go away, but that's not going to happen in all likelihood, so you need to make conditions as much as possible as if he'd gone away. That means mostly humouring him I would think.

If they were my trees and a brand new neighbour started going on about chopping bits off, I'd be fucking livid.

@yamadori the OP is talking about trimming the branches that encroach over her garden. She is legally entitled to do that. She didn't actually need to inform him, but she politely did.

You can be at livid as you like, but OP is doing nothing wrong.

I am surprised that someone has said you had no business deciding to do something with the property which you have just bought. How does that work? If the trees are overhanging, you can trim (not right in breeding season, of course). Having a chuckle at someone saying he values the garden so much and this is why he is so aggressive. This is in reference to the garden which is overgrown and full of rubbish.
He sounds menacing. I feel for you and your rescue dog. Hopefully your dog's insecurity will improve with time. Having a threatening neighbour trying to add fuel to the fire is not helping. The statements about the dog killing a baby or him getting rid of the dog is not part of normal interaction and is alarming.
If it was me and I needed to communication with the owner of next door about something, I would confine that to the legal owner of the property. There is nothing to be gained from further exposure to this man. I must admit, I think it seems to be pointless to bother to cultivate a relationship with him. It is just aggravating the type and frequency of his interaction with you and bringing him into your life. You have your own household to look after.

You never know, things could change in the near future. The owner could sell up or the tenant may move. He may be unwell and this behaviour may be symptomatic of this.

In view of the threats, I also think it is a good idea to put some cameras monitoring your property. Discretely and only viewing on your own property.

YABU to ask him to trim the trees

@randomguy12 she didn't ask him to trim the trees. She was going to arrange to do so, and pay for it.

Rubbish doesn't grow.

It does if you’re a hoarder.

Are they mature sycamores? You should hopefully have some decent wildlife to watch. One thing I’ve really come to appreciate in lockdown is the sound of bird song.
🍁🦉🐿🦋🐥

I wouldn't be telling people on the facebook group about your problems with him, all it takes is for her to print out the conversation and post it through his door, then world war 3 will erupt.

As for your rescue dog, I feel for you, Dont let the dogs in the garden without you in case he does put poisoned food down.

Ignore the tree issue for now.

If he was recording you, he was also recording his own idiot rant. "If you have a baby, your dog will kill it!" ???

So doubt he was really recording...

Just document to death - every interaction to date -and have a glass of wine. He's in the wrong.

I think you're getting a hard time here, OP, your neighbour sounds like a miserable git that's set in his ways and refuses to change. Threatening to kill your dog is something that I would take seriously. Sounds like he's had his bullying way for some time.

YANBU but the mob are out in force.

Easier said than done, but I'd try and get a video of him banging on the walls to provoke the dog barking. He might be deliberately provoking them to build evidence that your dog is a nuisance.

I'm not sure that whether OP has been reasonable or not is the point. Lots of people have issues with neighbours over noise, boundaries etc but they don't respond like this man did. He could be mentally Ill, suffering with dementia or feeling threatened. Or he could be a really nasty piece of work. We don't know.

The amount of awful neighbour disputes are really increasing lately on here. A few involving trees too. So many with the same problems of tree issues and threatening neighbours.

Must be due to lockdown that these neighbours don't have anything better to do.

I don't see how he threatened you .He can perceive your note as harassment if he wants to but you know you didn't mean to harass him.
You've reported him to the police re threats against the dog, he'll say you harassed him.It's not a great start to put it mildly.

I swear this thread is the rudest, nastiest thing I've read on here in such a long time! What the hell has brought out this poor attitude in everyone that thinks it's ok to be so inflammatory? Some of the replies from some of you are not ok at all!

OP you can trim the overhang into your garden, but I wouldn't do it now as it's nesting season, maybe he read your note and thought you wanted him to cut the trees down entirely and has taken offence? FWIW he doesn't sound like the easiest of people to get along with, but who knows what he's got going on, the world is a scary place right now and a lot for people to deal with. Maybe leave it a while and then try and get back on the right footing and go from there