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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

HELP - Neighbour just threatened us.

176 replies

hunghome · 06/05/2020 11:30

Hi there, I know this isn't an entirely AIBU but is somewhat...

We moved house 6 weeks ago. Next door is a house converted into two flats, with an old man at the bottom. He has lived in there 44 years (he says) and from our understanding, rents (long term tennant).

He doesn't maintain his garden, he has trees around 20 metres high that are blocking light into our garden. We sent a note (due to Covid) asking if we could trim the trees and if he could discuss with us. We said we would pay.

Today he comes over the fence and says that we are bullies and should have knocked. I said no, because of corona and his age.

He then said our new rescue dog woke him up - she did bark at a cat this morning, it is something causing us issues and she is new (we have heard her 6 weeks also). No other neighbour minds (or says they don't anyway). He bangs on the fence etc which often provokes them.

He threatened to go to my husband's work to report him, report his story to the papers, said that if I have a baby the dog will kill it (they aren't even slightly violent). Said my dog tried to attack him (during lockdown he came to my car window and she barked at him).

I then said I didn't want to cut down the other neighbours evergreen as it is a nice tree (it is - and doesn't block light) and he said see 'did you get that' (to no one - he lives alone) and said he's recording me for his solicitor. I said I was unaware of him recording and that we will no longer speak and I shut the door and walked away.

I am shaking. What do I do?

Is there a way to find out who the landlord is without going through him?
I am scared he will try to poison the dog as he made several comments about getting rid of her.

OP posts:
nevertrustaninja · 06/05/2020 12:12

'I have had to report to police as he threatened to kill the dog.'

I can't see this info in op's initial post - did I miss it? What exactly did he say?

madcatladyforever · 06/05/2020 12:12

He is an old man, don't get so upset about him.
I suspect he has early alzheimers which can make people a bit aggressive sometimes and cause personality changes.
Best just to leave him alone.

JamieLeeCurtains · 06/05/2020 12:16

A tree surgeon won't touch the trees in the nesting season anyway.

madcatladyforever · 06/05/2020 12:17

It is also INCREDIBLY irritating when new people move in and immediately start pestering you about your trees.
At my old house I three beautiful old ash trees that they were constantly on at me to cut back as it encroached on their light.
They knew the trees were there when they moved, in fact every garden had at least three mature trees in.
After about the 6th oi you over the fence I told them to bugger off and they never spoke to me again.
I made sure I got the trees protected before I moved.
You can't just buy a house next to trees and immediately expect your neighbours to have them cut down.

huntinthehornybacktoad · 06/05/2020 12:17

Look OP, everyone is stuck in their houses and gardens, everyone is taking comfort either in the continuity of the garden or in plans to change the garden.

And pretty much everyone is getting a bit crazy and overstepping the mark.

You wrote a note asking if there was anything he needed. Well, you now know that the trees mean a lot to this vulnerable old man so there is, in fact, something you can do for him, which is to leave the trees alone. Simple.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 06/05/2020 12:17

You have to be very careful about any tree work at the moment because it's bird nesting season. I too am bemused that only 6 weeks into a new property purchase your priority is a neighbour's trees. Is there nothing that needs doing in your house? I agree with PP that it's very early days to be asking a neighbour to make changes to their property. Build a relationship up with neighbours first before making requests like this.

Tableclothing · 06/05/2020 12:19

They're not even his trees.

Come off it - not in law, ok, but if he's lived there 44 years they will feel like his trees and you're being obtuse if you're refusing to see that.

Fwiw I believe you are legally entitled to lop off branches where they overhang your property. But if you do that be prepared for him to hate you forever.

You now know why the house was on the market.

Or maybe it was because the previous inhabitant, who had also lived there 44 years and was this blokes lifelong bestest friend, has just died, leaving him utterly alone in the world, with only the trees to remind him of many happy barbecues with their respective families. Who knows 🤷‍♀️

huntinthehornybacktoad · 06/05/2020 12:19

"I too am bemused that only 6 weeks into a new property purchase your priority is a neighbour's trees. Is there nothing that needs doing in your house"

this. don't take out your pent-up energy on an old man who treasures his home and the trees in it.

AgentProvocateur · 06/05/2020 12:21

You’ve not really been there long enough to start asking about cutting down trees? Have you introduced yourselves to him generally? Made small talk? Seen if he needs anything, given that he’ll be isolating due to his age? Or did you just go straight in and ask him if you could cut his trees?

huntinthehornybacktoad · 06/05/2020 12:22

"Seen if he needs anything, given that he’ll be isolating due to his age? "

if he reads at average speed, OP did that approximately 2 seconds before she told him her tree plans.... see her note upthread.

Pinkdelight3 · 06/05/2020 12:23

You and the dog are probably enough change for him to handle right now without starting on his trees (and I agree you're being obtuse saying they're not his. He's been there 44 years, you've been there 6 weeks, but I suppose you're more important than him because you own and he rents??). Leave him alone, keep your dog quiet and live and let live until you're well established there and things are less fraught. At the moment, any continuity is good. Change is hard at his age and you don't want to be getting into these situations when you end up shaking either.

ravenmum · 06/05/2020 12:23

he said see 'did you get that' (to no one - he lives alone) and said he's recording me for his solicitor
If I understand this right, it sounds like he is either scared of something (for whatever private reason) and acting tough, pretending to have a solicitor to put you off - or he could even have mental health issues and be imgaining this solicitor and recording device. The stuff about the dog killing babies also makes it sound like his thought processes are confused.

You know that the threats about going to his solicitor are just nonsense - what would he achieve? Don't let the dog out unsupervised or early in the morning; check for "dog treats" he might throw over the fence in case he's unwell enough to actually carry it through. But it is very likely to be the confused bluster of a weird old bloke who's unsettled by new neighbours.

Pinkdelight3 · 06/05/2020 12:25

"if he reads at average speed, OP did that approximately 2 seconds before she told him her tree plans.... see her note upthread."

But I agree the answer is that he needs her to leave his trees alone and keep her dog quiet. It's not the nice "please get me a pint of milk" that would have been the easy answer for the OP, but it's still the answer.

huntinthehornybacktoad · 06/05/2020 12:27

"You know that the threats about going to his solicitor are just nonsense"

which is a pity because a good high street solicitor would work wonders here....

SusieOwl4 · 06/05/2020 12:27

I can’t see she is asking to cut the trees down ? Only trim the bits in her side ? So it was the polite thing to do ?

And yes if he is threatening to kill your dog then report .

wheretonow123 · 06/05/2020 12:28

If you are saying that he does not own the trees then why approach him in the first place?

Also, I thought that people could cut branches overhanging into their gardens but just had to offer these branches back to the tree owner.

Miscella · 06/05/2020 12:29

The Op asked about TRIMMING trees not chopping them down, trees need to be maintained Iike any other plant. Op also was clear that she would bear the cost of this - any tree surgeon will surely know when it is legal/appropriate to complete work on trees.

Original poster
hunghome · 06/05/2020 12:31

So for more information - he is a nightmare neighbour to the tenant above him. They have had to complain as he harasses them. They contacted me on facebook.

The garden is shared as it is a split house. The trees are not purposeful, they seem like they have grown from lack of maintenance.

I understand we just moved in, I never really considered that it would look bad. The house needs nothing doing to it at all, we just want to trim the sycamores as they're a bit of a nuisance.

We introduced ourselves within 1 minute of getting the keys, he was watching us out his window (he watches us every day). He wasn't very nice then but we just let it be.

We only ASKED and were fine with being told no, didn't think it would harm anyone. Instead, he threatened to report DH to his workplace (in his line of work any complaint would result in being investigated as it has to be)

Regarding the dog (one of two, other is quiet), he said 'about this dog, I can hear it when the post comes as we share a hallway, it's a nuisance. So either I can call the RSPCA to get her removed, or I can do it myself when you're not looking' I asked what he meant and he said 'well you'll see'.

It doesn't matter how attached to some trees that will grow back you are, he immediately treated us disrespectfully with anger.

OP posts:
FlamingoAndJohn · 06/05/2020 12:33

The trees won't have grown that much in the last 6 weeks.
Also no tree surgeon will touch a tree at this time of year.

Original poster
hunghome · 06/05/2020 12:34

The trees don't need to be cut now, just in future, I am not in a rush- we just enquired!

OP posts:
ambereeree · 06/05/2020 12:34

Speak to the landlord. You know he's a Tennant why are you bothering him?

Unravellingslowly · 06/05/2020 12:35

So your dogs barking annoys him, you’ve upset him by wanting to cut his trees down and now he’s going to have the police knocking on his door, which will make him more irate, all in 6 weeks!

I don’t think this is going to be a happy move OP, neighbourhood wars have started over less. Good luck!

Rosehip10 · 06/05/2020 12:37

Noisy dogs are awful OP - you are probably pissing off more than one neighbour with their barking.

Xiqu · 06/05/2020 12:37

You don't actually need t9 ask to trim your side of the trees and you can chuck the cuttings over the fence although I wouldn't now to avoid further upset.
The OP was being polite by asking. If he's said yes his trees would have been professionally trimmed back for free (for him) now the OP van go ahead and legally trim the overhang.
He obviously has issues. OP your letter sounds nice and neighbourly. I don't understand why you're getting so much abuse.

GabriellaMontez · 06/05/2020 12:39

How many dogs do you have?

Why are they out of control? Running to his car barking? How often do they bark?

He doesnt care if they're rescue dogs. Train them like a responsible owner.