HELP - Neighbour just threatened us.

[hunghome]

Hi there, I know this isn't an entirely AIBU but is somewhat...

We moved house 6 weeks ago. Next door is a house converted into two flats, with an old man at the bottom. He has lived in there 44 years (he says) and from our understanding, rents (long term tennant).

He doesn't maintain his garden, he has trees around 20 metres high that are blocking light into our garden. We sent a note (due to Covid) asking if we could trim the trees and if he could discuss with us. We said we would pay.

Today he comes over the fence and says that we are bullies and should have knocked. I said no, because of corona and his age.

He then said our new rescue dog woke him up - she did bark at a cat this morning, it is something causing us issues and she is new (we have heard her 6 weeks also). No other neighbour minds (or says they don't anyway). He bangs on the fence etc which often provokes them.

He threatened to go to my husband's work to report him, report his story to the papers, said that if I have a baby the dog will kill it (they aren't even slightly violent). Said my dog tried to attack him (during lockdown he came to my car window and she barked at him).

I then said I didn't want to cut down the other neighbours evergreen as it is a nice tree (it is - and doesn't block light) and he said see 'did you get that' (to no one - he lives alone) and said he's recording me for his solicitor. I said I was unaware of him recording and that we will no longer speak and I shut the door and walked away.

I am shaking. What do I do?

Is there a way to find out who the landlord is without going through him?
I am scared he will try to poison the dog as he made several comments about getting rid of her.

@Bluegrass absolutely!! Some of the replies here are incredulous and clearly a lot who have not read any of the thread just want to stick the boot in!!

Sorry but I’d be pretty annoyed too if some new neighbours came and asked me to chop my trees. He’s probably thinks If you’re not going to hold back saying things annoying about him/ his house he won’t be quiet if you’re annoying him either. (Or the dog).

His threatening response was out of proportion. The line between being annoyed and threatening is not as thin as you think it is.

YABVU. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t own the property. He’s lived there 44 years; it’s his home and that includes the garden.

It is extremely rude to move into a property and straight away contact the neighbours to try and get them to change their trees, especially so when you bought the house aware of the trees.

YANBU OP. Sounds like you were pleasant and reasonable and he is on a short fuse - probably for understandable reasons.

If people have trees in small urban/suburban spaces, they need to look after them. Regular attention from tree surgeons, keep them at a reasonable height so that they don't overgrow other people's gardens, generate massive leaf-drop every year and block light. That's just neighbourly good manners, like not playing your music too loud and training your dogs not to bark like lunatics.

Our neighbour has a gigantic elm - it's an old and lovely tree, one of a row that was planted when the houses were built in 1908. Everyone else in the street keeps their elm tree at about half the height and width that he does. Blasted thing makes our garden shady in the afternoons, drops seed-pods and vast numbers of leaves. Do you think he offers to help pick these up and dispose of them each autumn? Does he fuck.

We were just wondering about the trees as they have grown a lot and are over our side. We were hoping we could trim these?

To my reading, this isn't immediately clear which parts of the tree you want to trim. The branches in your side? The tops/reduce the height? Trim down the whole tree? Hes possibly working under the impression that you want to lop the entire top off his trees.

What kind of dog is your new dog? Some people have an aversion to different breeds for various reasons, as an example my mum is scared of little yappy-type dogs because she was badly attacked by one as a child leaving scars all down her leg.

I think you need to leave him alone for now and not push the issue, its only going to make the situation worse. You are within your rights to trim the branches on your side of the fence without permission but, again, maybe give it some time rather than pouring more fuel onto the fire by doing it now. If you want anything not overhanging your side trimmed (e.g., the height) then you'll need to find out details fi the landlord and ask them.

Why has Op got to apologize about her dogs behaviour. Perhaps if he wasn't banging on the fence tormenting him the dogs behaviour would be very different.
Do you seriously think he was banging on the fence to the dog BEFORE it drove him mad with the barking?

Look at it from his point of view. New people move in, their dog keeps barking and now his trees are in their way. He's thinking "bloody cheek!"

The note was probably a mistake, but I'd have done that too. I'd find it hard to just knock on the door and start a conversation.
Better to have spoken to him first and led with "I hope our new dog isn't too noisy as we're still training him", But now someone has to repair the situation and get back on track. You could be neighbours a long time.

He sounds like a nightmare OP and you have my sympathy. There are some ridiculous, overblown and over-exaggerated responses on this thread.
I can't work out if people are deliberately obtuse and belligerent for fun or if they are genuinely lacking in critical thinking skills. I suspect it's a combination of both.

Wow, this thread. Mob mentality to say the least.

OP you've done nothing wrong asking to trim the part of the trees that fall on your side of the fence. Yes, I would be frightened too, to have made this request, and be greeted with that reaction. If you can find a way to contact the landlord, I would do that. Try to avoid engaging with him. Recording is probably a threat, not real.

I'm sorry for your situation OP. I doubt any of his threats have any substance. All the best for, errr, your next move!

We have high conifers because our house is at the bottom of a hill. They are high on our side and much lower on the neighbouring side. We have arsey new neighbours so I did ring the Council about it. They told me that there is no law that says conifers must be below 6ft tall and it is a common misconception. It is fences etc where there is a restriction on height. That said, High Hedges legislation means they would look at the situation if it went that far for a fee. But they take into account the lie of the land etc balancing privacy and loss of light etc. It is not just cut and dried.

I think the problem is you have just moved in and the trees were there when you bought. People moving in and (as he sees it) starting to throw their weight around does tend to really, really piss people off. You must have seen them.

Our new neighbours decided to chop into our hedging (where it is fairly low) and actually cut a huge hole right through. He told us he got carried away, but I think he was testing the water to see what our reaction was and gauge how far he could go because he is a bully as is his wife.

We were right and they have had massive fall outs with three families now and I overheard her rowing with someone else only a week or so ago.

I think going over his head to the landlord to get your own way would make neighbourly relations even worse and believe me, you do not want a feud.

I had this with an elderly male neighbour who complained about us being noisy. We were not but we all lived in a creaky Victorian terrace and sound carried. One night he went ballistic at us. Shouting screaming and tried to barge into the flat. He could hear the TV on. It was around 8pm. He just absolutely lost it.
We called the non emergency line, the police came to do a welfare check. The poor guy was absolutely shocked that the police came and we wrote to check on him and try to find a way forwards. Eventually he spoke to us and told us that he hadn't been the same since his wife died, and that he was very sorry. We moved our entire lounge (!) swapped with a bedroom and we became friends - in fact he still sends me a christmas card!
So my advice is to remember - he is not being reasonable. He is being emotional, so are you! There will be a way to fix this and outs probably to wait and then approach with some sort of cake!!!

@saraclara With respect....we haven’t seen the note. We only have the OP’s explanation.

The note is at Wed 06-May-20 12:11:26

They're not even his trees.

Hmmm... And did that attitude bleed through at all in your real-life conversation? Or when you sent your note? Would you have taken a bit more care to prepare the ground before you made your request to trim the trees if he was a fellow homeowner? When it comes to notes through the door, past threads on MN have shown that some people will find even the most polite notes "passive aggressive" so you have to be very cautious with sending them to strangers.

Sounds like he is not a particularly laid-back person, to put it mildly, and he has been silently stewing over your barking dog for a while but he's too apprehensive to speak to you about it. He's been banging on the fence at it instead. Your note about the trees made him angry enough to get past the fear, and them speak to you about it. Of course, the anger that powered him through confronting you about the note also made him impossible to have a rational conversation with. Many neighbour disputes have started exactly like this.

The phrase "six of one, half a dozen of the other" comes to mind.

You have to live next door to him. Decide whether you want to:
a) sell up,
b) have a raging neighbour dispute,
c) try to salvage the situation.

Did you bother to introduce yourself first, from a distance, when you moved in, or did you go straight with a note making demands?

If the latter, you probaby started on the wrong footing. Not very nice way to find out about the new neighbour. Add to that an annoying dog, it doesn't look good. The poor man is probably gutted to gave you as new neighbours.

Just reminding myself what the note actually said:

“Hi X,

Hope you are safe and well. Please let us know if you need anything that we can help with.

We were just wondering about the trees as they have grown a lot and are over our side. We were hoping we could trim these? We would pay for a tree surgeon to ensure it is done correctly.

Let me know if you would like to discuss'”

If anyone thinks this represents, in the slightest way, a demand to cut trees, or some sort of harassment by the OP then there’s just no where to go with that!

These will be the same people who say “she screamed at me” when what they really mean is “she refused to do what I want and that made me feel very angry”!

The note is absolutely fine and it deserves a very reasonable response (one which I would have begun with “thank you for your kind note.”).

The OP says she introduced herself verbally straight away.

Don't understand how he knows where her husband works though.

@ravenmum @Bluegrass

We haven't seen the note. We have only seen what the OP tells us is in the note...

What's with people telling her to ask the landlord first!

This is is home for which he pays rent. You don't go over his head to a LL unless there is something actually dangerous to be dealt with.

Not sure why the OP is getting such a hard time here.

@Footywife - that’s sort of how MN works, people say things, they don’t submit evidence. Generally speaking you just have to take things at face value otherwise what is the point of any of this, we might as well spend our entire time accusing each other of being liars.

Of course we all know in reality a set of caveats apply to that default position, depending on whether the OP is a MIL in conflict with a DIL, a man in conflict with a woman, whether they seem wealthy and insufficiently apologetic about it (ie “a bit above themselves”) etc. In those cases you seem to have to treat them like they’re the accused and you’re the prosecuting barrister searching for the flaw in their evidence!

I really feel for you, op. This is such a difficult situation. Perhaps just leave it for now? You can cut bits over your side. Tell your neighbour you are not going to do anything at the moment and he'll calm down. Everyone is vulnerable right now, we have to tread gently. You've done nothing wrong at all by your suggestion but he obviously feels threatened, he can't help how he feels any more than any of us can.

Thank you to those who saw me being reasonable and who read the whole thread!

He actually put a note in the door on day 2 (day 1 of having the dog) complaining about her. He was passive aggressive from the get go.

When we introduced ourselves on day 1, he asked where DP worked and as he is a member of the community and key worker, he said. It's easy to now find where exactly he works.

We've been trying with the dog a lot but she is 7 and badly abused. I am really really struggling.

YANBU OP, and I would suggest contacting the Landlord as it is his decision about the trees, not his tenant's as he does not own the property.

new neighbours with a barking dog would piss me off too, and I tend to tell bad dog owners truths they don't want to hear. (BTW dogs can and do kill children although not relevant as you don't have a kid).

while his reaction is OTT, dogs are fucking annoying for people to have to hear. And yes, you bought the place with the huge trees next door and should not have assumed that they can be cut.

if the dog is beyond help (and it may be) then do the kind thing for all concerned. (and any MN sillybitch who comes up with the 'would you do that to a kid?' is an oxygen waster, IT IS A DOG)