Neighbours son with autism and all-day verbal stimming.

[MonkeyJunk]

I know I am being unreasonable, but I am also slightly losing my mind.

Our neighbour has a son who has autism and who screams as part of this (I believe). He spends each day from around 7am until darkness in the garden doing this, and I think he does it when he is inside as well. Unfortunately any movement (us, children, animals) seems to be a trigger.

He does also do this in the house but because of the way our houses are designed and because they are the end of terrace house we cannot hear it (and nobody else can).

I get it is really, really, really shit for her, but it is now becoming relentless. All day, every day when the weather is good - it means our home is not very peaceful at all and we cannot enjoy our garden at all (he seems to go into a much more shrill scream when there's movement in our garden). We've stopped feeding the birds and are letting the dog out the front yard when it needs to go out.

I know lockdown is tough, and the mother must be finding it very difficult, but it's having a huge impact on us and our family life - particularly not being able to enjoy our garden, being woken up and the kids struggling to sleep at night (we've now moved them into the front bedroom to try and minimise this).

WIBU to ask if her son can please be inside by seven pm and for some hours during the day so we can go into and enjoy our garden?

It sounds like OP will help if she can. In that she will be so much more than the majority of people. It is seen and remembered and often helps when other people are less than kind.

@MonkeyJunk Are you not going to share what agreement (or lack of) that you've come to? After everyone has helped you in approaching her?

Please read my recent posts - I have shared what I am doing (looking into a fence, ordered head phones, plus some other things which I don't want to go into).

I hope you've reached an amicable resolution MonkeyJunk

The OP has no obligation to share what arrangement she has come to, especially if it compromises sensitive information regarding a child.

@barbieinamicrowave I feel very identified with you, I have almost every single trait you have described.

Unfortunately being in the spectrum does not mean I find being around other people in the spectrum easy, as every one of us has different ways of stimming/coping and most of us are not very tolerant of others' obsessions and ticks. Living at the other side of the fence of a child who screams non-stop would probably end up with me dead or running away from my home and end up homeless. Or in a mental health hospital suffering from a psychiatric crisis. I already find it hard to cope with some normal noises if they are unexpected and non-rhythmcal (I once was just about to move because some neighbours liked to party at random times and shouted). 14 hours of screaming per day? I'd be toast with just a 10th of that. It would become a screaming match between the autistic kid and her weirdo neighbour.

Not everyone is able to cope with loud noises.

The child by me seems happy to squeal back to my daughter but I do try and stop her and explain That the boy might not want her to do it back

My son does it too. He’s an adult now. It’s relentless. We have new neighbours, they don’t understand. He’s usually away boarding at college. It goes on all day and most of the night. I don’t really hear it anymore. Through this nice weather, we’ve pretty much kept all the doors and windows shut as we are aware it must annoy the neighbours. It’s been horrible for my other kids. They carry their keys around with them so they can let themselves out in the garden. I cannot wait for the schools and colleges to open! It’s been a nightmare!

We have an autistic cousin (but also I work with autistic kids) and I remember his sister looked after him for a while. Her partner - who is wonderful - commented that he started every day shouting at 5am - it was part of his “routine.” He said he understood what her father must be going through as the volume was so loud it would be hard to cope with. In this situation I think you have he understanding. Befriend your neighbour - find out how she copes. You are going to have to put up with the noise - sorry.

Feel for you and your family. I'd just move. You'll have years of this and honestly if you find it difficult to cope with loud noises or have misophonia, still all you'll get is a response that ultimately this person's child apparently comes first. That will become demoralising.

Moved in a few months ago and now complaining. Sounds like the type of person who’d move near an airport and then complain about the noise. Get a stereo to help.

Well that comment wins the thread. Ffs. 🙄

@newpapaguinea. Comparing an autistic child to an airport is hardly relevant. For a start autistic children do not appear in local authority searches...

Moved in a few months ago and now complaining. Sounds like the type of person who’d move near an airport and then complain about the noise. Get a stereo to help.

What an intelligent and well thought out contribution to the thread. Clap. Clap. Clap🙄

Moved in a few months ago and now complaining. Sounds like the type of person who’d move near an airport and then complain about the noise

Oh- I didnt realise, are autistic children now being listed on property information from estate agents?

So dim.

OP, it sounds like you’re handling this with compassion and resourcefulness.
Good on you.

Shows how much research people don’t conduct themselves when buying a house. People probably spend longer researching sofas.

And this is AIBU, works both ways 😂

Shows how much research people don’t conduct themselves when buying a house. People probably spend longer researching sofas

I am cringing with embarrassment on your behalf.

Oh dear.

@NewPapaGuinea are you feeling ok?

Most people believe they are tolerant so even if the knew beforehand would probably believe it’s fine. Unfortunately reality can be a different thing. There is so much autism awareness but actually very little on those with severe learning difficulties and even less with violent behaviour to themselves or others. People comment on stimming like it can be trained out of them. But children like my son stim when happy, sad, angry or just because. If your child was biting himself to the point of blood or banging his head on a brick wall just to go in the garden, what would you do? I try to minimise the impact, he sleeps downstairs with me, i have soundproofing on walls, I take him for long walks but that needs two adults and I do limit his time in the garden. But even that does not stop the one neighbour complaining. They do not see all the effort it has took just to get to this point. To make it worse the family on the other side of them who have just moved in also have a loud disabled child.

Agreed Boulshired " Autism awareness " generally doesn't cover those who also have severe learning disabilities my non verbal child hates loud noises but can be one of the loudest people I know ,he does seem to have stopped the sudden intense screaming though ,which he used to do just because

They do not see all the effort it has took just to get to this point this is the bit that’s hard. The work load is beyond anything you could imagine, the isolation and hopelessness of the situation also beyond most, and yet there is a general attitude of “you could do a bit more, this is impacting me now”. .

I suppose not so long ago many of these young people would have had access to some sort of residential accommodation and education. Probably that’s become less popular over the last thirty years but the strain is being felt not only by families but by neighbours also.

I had friends who moved house and gave up their dream home because of this.
The parents are awful and openly bragged that the child refuses medication ergo they can't stop the screaming all day and night and being threatening to small children.