Neighbours hate my autistic child

[Screechywah]

I have a seven year old severely autistic child with sensory issues and severe developmental delays, he is non verbal and functions on an 18 month old level. Special school is closed as is his respite, sen groups, activities, parks etc.

He's really struggling to cope now after seven weeks at home. He's shouting lots, self harming (head banging), kicking, hitting and struggling to sleep. I take him out in the car regularly for a drive and we go for a couple of walks every day but even on these walks now, he's having meltdowns because the park is shut. He's physically strong and I now struggle to keep him from running when he reaches crisis point.

The one thing he loves is being outdoors but my neighbours on one side are moaning about his loud shouting the last week, bouncing on the trampoline and throwing balls over their fence. They refuse to throw any sensory balls back over and instead pop them which is frustrating as they cost so much. I've offered to raise the height of the boundary (their fence which is only five foot) and they refuse. Today he threw part of his toast over the fence and they went ballistic at me. I was with him m when he did it but he's just so fast that I had no opportunity to prevent him.

I'm really not sure what to do. I watch him constantly but obviously have to go to the loo, answer the door/phone, cook and he unfortunately doesn't grasp the concept of not throwing. I'm on my own with him and his special school are only taking key worker children due to staffing.

Sorry if this has been said I skimmed thread what about putting a fence up in your boundary so a double fence basically?as long as it was a normal fence height there is nothing the neighbours could do!
Tbh they sound like they will moan at anything you try to do to help the situation.

Speak to the relevant department at your council re boundaries and what you can do. Putting up a high mesh fence on your own property shouldn't be a problem.

I also have an ASD child who flings items and can completely identify with the stress. I have had to bring him in so many times because he wants to throw items over the high fence.

Unfortunately, I was just about to get my garden re-done before CV19 happened. I'm planning to have a climbing frame and trampoline, but no other toys outside so he can't throw anything.

So far so good with my neighbours. Actually, I'm constantly chucking footballs back over one wall for their kids.

I don't think you should accede to your nasty neighbours demands. You can't choose who you live next door to in most cases, and you sound much more sensitive and caring of others' comfort than they do.

That sounds really hard for you, you have my
absolute respect as I can’t think of anything more mentally demanding. Our neighbours about 6 doors down have a SEN child, I don’t know them enough for this to be confirmed but it’s pretty obvious there’s an issue, as if she can’t seem to be outside for very long at all without having some kind of meltdown, poor thing, pretty obvious when the weather is nice too and not really an issue in the winter. I have heard the other neighbours complaining though, shouting back at her to shut up etc, which ain’t really gonna help and probably makes her worse

'If your son has his ECHP, he can still go to school.'
This is what is puzzling me .

The Coronavirus Act 2020 gives the Secretary of State powers to direct educational providers to temporarily remain open, or to close.

The Act also gives the Secretary of State powers to issue a notice to temporarily disapply certain educational requirements, which are usually required by law.

This includes requirements on local authorities to secure education and health care provision under an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) for those who need more support. If a notice is made, the duty is still fulfilled if authorities have made ‘reasonable endeavours’ to fulfil these requirements.

My 4 year old is autistic and screams and roars yes it is embarrassing but what can I do and if I had neighbours doing that to my sons toys I wouldn’t be holding back some people are just ignorant nasty cunts

If you did want to go higher fence, this bamboo screening stuff is cheap as chips. I’m not sure it’s robust enough, but worth considering.

www.diy.com/departments/bamboo-screening-roll-h-2m-w-4-m/255193_BQ.prd

Speak to the relevant department at your council re boundaries and what you can do. Putting up a high mesh fence on your own property shouldn't be a problem.

Definitely worth a try. The worst that could happen is that you may need to apply for planning permission if it is over 2m and they would help you with that. It is probably also likely to be temporary.

Oops didn't see that you'd offered to put up a fence and they had refused this

I am unimpressed by their declining of your offer

What knobs.

My upstairs neighbour has an autistic son. He screams a lot and runs up and down the hall for hours at a time so I understand how it can be frustrating as a neighbour. But popping his balls?! What sickos.

Would something like this work to meet his sensory/ slimming needs and love of balls?

https://www.ebay.co.uk/i/233553248131?chn=ps&ulref=https%253A%252F%252Frover.ebay.com%252Frover%252F1%252F710-153316-527457-8%252F2%253Fmpre%253Dhttp%25253A%25252F%25252Fwww.ebay.co.uk%25252Fi%25252F233553248131%25253Fchn%25253Dps%2526itemid%253D233553248131%2526targetid%253D4585513247727125%2526device%253Dm%2526adtype%253D%2526googleloc%253D%2526poi%253D%2526campaignid%253D352035895%2526adgroupid%253D1310618085202654%2526rlsatarget%253Dpla-4585513247727125%2526abcId%253D1140256%2526merchantid%253D87779%2526query%253Dswingball%2526msclkid%253D4dee08b11ff817f6defb5601440f7071%2526srcrot%253D710-153316-527457-8%2526rvrrid%253D2408329245903%2526rvrts%253De0e7737c1710a9c531e10c6dff98b5a4

A cheap fix would be to buy some cheap badminton nets and put them all along the perimeter to stop the balls going over - we had to do that. I would also be thinking of planting all around the edge to keep your son away from the boundaries. In the longer term you could put up your own better screening... which you really need to do. It's miserable and they shouldn't pop the balls, really dreadful behaviour.

You social worker need to have another word, is there a local sen spokesperson or activist who could act as a go between educating these nasty gob shites, maybe send them a tube link address ?

I can't believe the sympathy for the neighbours. I'd get it if it was heavy objects causing damage like the poster above, but toast and sensory balls?! It sounds much easier to deal with than cat shit.

Noise is noise, and while I get that they may not be happy with it, there's nothing that can be done. All children make noise anyway, lots of NT kids are natural shriekers.

*You find your child hard to manage and hard to live with, and you chose to have a child.

THEY find your child hard to live next door to... they did not choose that.*

No one chooses to have an ASD kid. But the neighbours have chosen to live in a place with neighbours, and that means noise. Ultimately if they were that unhappy they could a) allow the OP to change the fence, or b) move. The OP and her son can't choose to switch off the autism.

You are so nice OP! I would be out of my mind at such ignorant bellends.

Are you able to post a heartfelt letter through all neighbours doors fully explaining your sons needs and why he is the way he is, not because you don't control him enough? And how much it upsets you that they are all not understanding?

Also if you attach a net on YOUR SIDE of the fence can they really complain? Technically it's on your side of the property?

@Gimmecaffeine

Totally agree. 30% of people on here are as Cunty as your neighbours.

I’m so sorry OP - sounds like a very difficult situation.

Hi OP

In my opinion it would be worth the slight loss of garden to erect a 2m fence within your boundary - nothing they can do and they are bitching about you already so unless you are planning to move soon, I would be inclined to protect your own privacy with new fencing that you can do what you want with.

If yours is a detached house, your child can only be heard from the garden
This is not always the case. Mum lives in a detached house, and she can hear the kids inside their home- screaming, banging, running from one to the other! If OP's child is screaming/banging inside, I can guarantee that the neighbours can likely hear this also!

Maybe I'm missing something, but does he need this particular ball outside? Could he use a swing ball? Can he play with it in his room or a safe space inside? Could you attach elastic to it and tether to his wrist, ankle or swing ball pole, so it comes back and isn't punched to the height of the building and over the fence?

I would contact the counsel and find out exactly what the rules are for putting up a barrier. Don’t trust the neighbors on this one. I would ask about fencing, a net barrier, and also about putting in something like a golf practice cage.

My parents live next door to a similar child with severe autism, the child is also non verbal. Their lives have been made an absolute misery, during this lockdown. However they have never burst a ball, as tempted as they may have been. They now put it all in a box and return the items every couple of days.

Sat in the garden on a FaceTime call to me when a Lego house flew over the fence and smashed into the table breaking the glass outdoor candle holder thing.

Things constantly being thrown over the fence, balls, Lego, plastic cups full of water, a bucket to name a few. They now have an assortment of toys on their Conservatory roof. And also the child had also managed to break some glass windows in their summer house.

The noise is absolutely insane, shrieking which goes on for ages.

Also inside the house, the child sit and bangs the door or their feet against the door so they get no respite from it.

As soon as lockdown is over they have decided they are going to move, they can’t cope with it anymore, sad that they have lived in that house for 36 years, but now want something detached, and away from it all.

While I do have absolute sympathy for you OP, it sounds like you have done as much as you can, I also think you’ve done a great job so far trying to engage with them about it, but I also see it from the neighbours point of view as well (I do think they are twats for popping balls) and I do think they should be more willing to allow you to put up a higher fence. Sadly tempers are now being frayed with lockdown.

Sorry not much help really.

Would a swing ball work? Like one of they have valley ball ones

I would go round there. Say you will be looking at some netting on your side. (Not on their fence however.) That you will try to stop him throwing balls, and say although you aknowledge it,s too much to constantly be throwing balls back, can they not destroy them if they find them. (I wouldn,t let him have expensive balls in the garden if throwing them over the fence any way.). Say you appreciate that it,s tough at the moment but you want to work together. It would be better if you went their rather then letting them come to you.

I'd call the police about the ball popping.

It's your neighbours who are the problem. I would get a net though. If only to save your dc balls.

My neighbours disable dc used to wake us all up every morning grunting and groaning really loudly and our walks were paper thin.
I used think that poor family what they went through. My neighbour tried to apologised and I used to pretend we couldn't hear. The boy was lovely as well.
Disgusting people can't think for a second about what others have to live through.

Walls not walks

I think you need to take steps to stop your son doing some of the things that annoy your neighbours like throwing or kicking things over - why is he eating toast in the garden for example? Surely you should be trying to teach him to eat at the table? Ball games may need to be limited to open spaces elsewhere. But trampolining and a certain amount of noise are to be expected from any children (and preferable to non-stop barking dogs IMO). Just be polite and conciliatory to neighbours and explain you are doing your best in very difficult circumstances.