Neighbours hate my autistic child

[Screechywah]

I have a seven year old severely autistic child with sensory issues and severe developmental delays, he is non verbal and functions on an 18 month old level. Special school is closed as is his respite, sen groups, activities, parks etc.

He's really struggling to cope now after seven weeks at home. He's shouting lots, self harming (head banging), kicking, hitting and struggling to sleep. I take him out in the car regularly for a drive and we go for a couple of walks every day but even on these walks now, he's having meltdowns because the park is shut. He's physically strong and I now struggle to keep him from running when he reaches crisis point.

The one thing he loves is being outdoors but my neighbours on one side are moaning about his loud shouting the last week, bouncing on the trampoline and throwing balls over their fence. They refuse to throw any sensory balls back over and instead pop them which is frustrating as they cost so much. I've offered to raise the height of the boundary (their fence which is only five foot) and they refuse. Today he threw part of his toast over the fence and they went ballistic at me. I was with him m when he did it but he's just so fast that I had no opportunity to prevent him.

I'm really not sure what to do. I watch him constantly but obviously have to go to the loo, answer the door/phone, cook and he unfortunately doesn't grasp the concept of not throwing. I'm on my own with him and his special school are only taking key worker children due to staffing.

They refuse to throw any sensory balls back over and instead pop them which is frustrating as they cost so much. I've offered to raise the height of the boundary (their fence which is only five foot) and they refuse

They hate things coming into their garden to the extent that they prefer to destroy rather than return them, but have refused a solution to this? What a pair of dicks.

I have a rebounder which he ignores, it's seeing the ball in the air that's the sensory trigger for him.

The problem is not your son. It's your ignorant neighbours. What a holes.
Exactly what utter twats popping the balls !! .
Ndn kid years ago who would kick the balls at my window . NDN utter twats anyway, I kept the balls until they asked for them back , I'd never pop them .
I'm raging on your behalf op they should have a bit more compassion.
As a parent on a child severely autistic you have to grow a thick skin . I'd explain to the twatty neighbours then leave it at that and tell them not to pop the balls again or you will invoice them .

I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's very hard in ordinary time let alone in these strained circumstances. Would something like this
work?

www.amazon.co.uk/Net-World-Sports-Premium-Quality/dp/B012BZSCII/ref=sr_1_11?dchild=1&keywords=fence+netting+balls&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1588613493&sr=8-11

or

purrfectfence.co.uk/products/existing-fencing-conversion-system?variant=10435096445043

You can't touch their fence, but you can erect whatever you like in your own garden.

Keep his balls in the house until you can put a net up.
Neighbours are awful, but they are stuck in too, and they must be at the end of their tether too.
If you attach the net to two posts away from their fence, you aren't touching their property.
Then go outside and enjoy yourselves.
If you get anymore visits from their sons, say you'll report for harrassment.

Can the ball based activities for the sensory diet be done inside rather than in the garden? Also you haven't said how long he is out there everyday?

I think the deliberately popping the sensory balls is theft? Check it out on legal and see if they are committing hate incidents.

I'm sorry to hear of the situation. I saw a mother with an older autistic boy in our park earlier, are you sure yours is closed as they were told to stay open? Maybe there is another nearby. I know they have kept some closed in Middlesbrough maybe you are there. I think they should keep all the parks open.

Jesus christ that link, what a price.
I was meaning a couple of pieces of wood with a cheap net attached

They can also be incredibly noisy (as in loudphone conversations in the front garden at 6 am and their hobby (building kit cars, revving engines regularly but I never would complain.

I don't think they can stop you putting up netting if it isn't on their side. Perhaps someone legal will come along to clarify.

I really feel for you. Lack of routine and structure are worst for a child with asd but prolonged lack of structure is awful.
I know everyone is feeling a bit fractious, probably including your neighbours. My mum was complaining to me about the children on the trampoline next door to her...I told her to get a grip as they are children and we made noise too.
Are your schools not allowed to take children with ehcpOr sen? as all the specialist schools in my area are open for this, I think mainly to take the pressure of parents. I would call and ask or call your social worker and explain that you need a break before you head butt your neighbour out of frustration
I hope you get answers and a bit of respite soon.

If it's seeing things in the air that is the sensory need could you try things like balloons or paper i.e things that don't fly so far? Of course popping balloons would be another issue!

Please complain. Open your window and tell them it's illegal so early in the morning.
What arseholes. Go and pop his tyres when he's too loud.

I think you need to put a net over your garden to stop the balls going over - if it's in your boundary then it's nothing to do with them and not their business.

But it can't be nice to sit in your garden and have balls, dirt and food flying over the fence. I think you need to do all you can to stop it happening - what about the mesh/net that can be used in squash courts etc. to stop the balls getting lost? Like this (hopefully the photo attaches).

People who are expecting things to be thrown back, I wouldn't want to be throwing back things that had been played with by a child with sensory issues who i very much doubt practices scrupulous hand hygiene at the best of times. Popping them is not helpful though.

I have offered to raise the fence with trellis or attach a net as has his social worker but they refuse and threaten action if I do so. He isn't usually in the garden that much as he has respite, sensory groups, swimming etc and I take him out most days. However all of these have stopped and are unlikely to reopen for some time.

I'm confused though, is he kicking and throwing balls whilst on the trampoline? If this is the case, surely its completely enclosed with netting so balls cannot get out of it?

As mentioned earlier, my mums neighbour has 2 kids living next door. In the garden they scream, yell and throw/kick balls over her fence. She has been hit on the head more than once whilst gardening. She now wont go in her own garden if the kids are out, due to the noise. How long does he stay outside? I agree that it needs to go both ways, and you need to do what you CAN do to help.

My ds is exactly how you describe, few months off 7 too so I totally get it. Have you told them he’s got severe autism? I know it’s probably pretty obvious but I’d just say something along the lines of “he’s severely autistic, sorry but he has every right to be outside as you” and leave it at that. As for popping the balls I think I’d lose my temper to be honest. Has he got a social worker or can you message the school to tell them the problems you’re having? My local Carers centre did a visit and told me they could fund a few bits like an alarm on the bathroom door and he tends to go in and turn bath taps on, etc. Could they possibly help with the fence and have a letter to tell the neighbours it’s for his own safety. Also if they do it again I’d log it with the police. We had huge trouble with a neighbour abusing us and honking her horn every time we tried to get ds in his school transport every morning as it would take about 1 minuet. Police gave her a call round and it never happened again.

You don't need to attach a trellis/netting to their fence though! You can get many freestanding ones dig into the ground!

Awful for you, but also awful for your neighbours.

I think you should make an effort to keep his outside time to reasonable set times - and let your neighbours know. You also need to do something about stopping him from kicking over the balls. The neighbours popping them is just unkind, but maybe they would be nicer if they see you are trying to lessen the impact your son is having on their enjoyment of their garden.

I have offered to raise the fence with trellis or attach a net as has his social worker but they refuse and threaten action if I do so.

They can't do anything if you do it within your boundary. Get some metal poles or wooden fence posts and attach it to those and then to your house somehow.

You have my complete sympathy. My son is such a noisy stimmer and stims constantly, there is nothing that I can do about it! We are very lucky to have tolerant neighbours.

Very difficult to know what to suggest as it really isn’t your son’s fault or yours, they are just deeply unpleasant people! Could it be worth limiting sensory balls to on the trampoline and getting a net to make a ceiling for the trampoline surround?

The only other thing we have had success with is trying to work out exactly what DS is getting from the stim and replacing it with a more appropriate behaviour eg he went through a phase of lobbing gravel everywhere and we managed to swap it to throwing dry rice into a tray on the grass

If I were you I would write a letter to every neighbour explaining the situation and in the letter specifically call your neighbour out for popping his expensive sensory balls and shouting at you (thus making his behaviour worse). My neighbour had to do this for his autistic son as the neighbour next to him would chuck his sensory dolls thus making his behaviour worse - it wasn’t long before the dodgy neighbour moved.