To not have much sympathy for DH or am I being harsh?

[hermionegrange]

DH keeps waking up feeling nauseous. He has been to dentist and doctor about it over the last five weeks but both have said nothing is wrong, drink plenty of water.

We have a 2.5 year old and a 7 week old.
DH likens the nausea to morning sickness - any thing to do with bins, nappies, dirty plates, crumbs on the counter etc make him feel sick.
Nausea also seems to come on worse in night and in morning. He has been diagnosed with IBS years ago and has flare ups sometimes.

My issue is I am struggling to find any sympathy to give him as he is just whining about it and talking about it CONSTANTLY.

I am utterly exhausted- doing all nappies, potty training, sicky outfit changes for baby, emptying bins, loading dishwasher, cleaning kitchen... plus as breastfeeding all of the night feeds, and night nappies, and night burps (which take the longest). Just so so tired.

I woke DH at 5 this morning and asked if he would hold the baby for an hour to let me get at least an hours sleep as he had been feeding/on me almost all night. DH rolled over to face me and said 'sorry bad news I feel nauseous again' and 'need to sleep it off'

I feel mean for having no sympathy anymore but it's going on soooooooooo long. I feel bloody nauseous from lack of sleep!

He needs to find the cause. It's not normal. There is are condition that make people feel nauseous all the time. His GP needs to carry out more tests.

Sometimes being tired makes me nauseous when faced with things like dirty nappies or dirty littler boxes.

Does he get enough sleep?

Unless he’s actually vomming, he needs to do his share-unless he took on 100% of household and childcare when you actually had morning sickness/were recovering from birth/carried a baby in your body, tap dancing on your bladder and elbowing you in the guts. If he did, then he gets to suffer in peace now!

He sleeps 12-7 most days, I very very rarely ask for help in the night.

He’s probably milking it to do absolutely fuck all. He’s probably got a minor food intolerance.

When up to my neck in morning sickness and vomming 15-20 times a day, I still managed to pull my weight at home. Even though my H wanted me to lie down.

You're a better person than me as I would have replied 'Worse news: tough'. Do you think he's milking it a bit?!

I think it's one of those things where we have presumably you don't have the luxury of feeling ill absolving you of all our responsibilities, so why does he? Of course feeling nauseous isn't nice, but neither is having to do everything yourself. If you were feeling nauseous, I'm sure you'd just have to get up and get on with things.

YANBU to have little sympathy. If it's so severe and ongoing that for 6 weeks he has been able to do little then frankly, he needs to be seeking more significant help. If doctors are convinced it's not physical, he should seek counselling to see if it's in his head.

This really is not acceptable. And frankly, feeling nauseous is unpleasant, but it's hardly the end of he world. He can certainly hold a baby while feeling nauseous. I'm actually feelinng really annoyed about this on your behalf.

oh, and yes, if it's not in his head he should be making more effort ro figure it out. Food diaries, food elimination diets etc.

Nothing irritates me more than people whinging about an illness that means they can do nothing but then making no effort to fix it. Either get on with it, or find a solution.

Convenient to feel nauseous when there are lots of mucky jobs need doing. Sure he isn't faking it?

Sorry that message was a typo fest.

I think it's one of those things where presumably you don't have the luxury of feeling ill absolving you of all your responsibilities, so why does he? *

I notice this among some of my friends. When they are ill, they just have to get on with things. When their husbands are ill, they take to bed and can't possibly contribute to family life

Sorry, I'm spamming you now.

Personally, I'm not convinced it's real. But if it is, has he checked for something as simple as acid reflex. The reality is that he doesn't sound like he wants to get better, but acid reflux can be worse after meals or when lying down. Get him some gaviscon to start!?

He needs to call the doctor, explain that he's still having problems with nausea, and request a prescription for anti nausea medication. Then he needs to take it, get up and pull his weight. Convenient that his nausea gets him out of doing all the yucky jobs.

Has the dressing gown of doom been brought out?
He can cook, wash dishes, do laundry, tidy up, lots of jobs that won’t make him nauseous.

Sounds like he's taking the piss to me.

YANBU. He needs to find out what the cause is and pull his weight regardless.

Yes you can be sympathetic as nausea is shit but it’s not a get out of jail free card for all the jobs you can’t be arsed doing.

What's he eating? If he can't really eat anything I'd have more sympathy than if he's packing away a curry and beer every night v

Is he taking tablets from the doctor? I get random nausea and got some prescribed. They are different to the morning sickness tablets. I suffered with HG as well.

My oh has advanced ovarian cancer and one of the early symptoms was nausea. He needs to get checked out by Dr

I agree he needs anti nausea medication. You can buy pink migraleive OTC and it's basically just cocodamol and an anti nasuea drug mixed in. Get him to buy some and try some while he waits for a gp spot to get something prescribed.

If he's genuinely ill, it's a shame for him, but how often have you got on with stuff whilst feeling ill? Having a 7 week old is no picnic, having a potty training toddler and a 7 week old, well, that's bloody tough. He needs to get it sorted and if he won't he needs to get on with the shitty jobs.

Neither of you are UR, but a solution needs to be found.

The question is how would you feel if you had the same symptoms he has and received the same response.
Some of the responses on here will automatically assume he is skiving, its a natural bias on here, but he maybe actually suffering.
I would say that if he cant do certain jobs than he should make up with it by doing other tasks. You sound exhausted and I think maybe that wont help with your sympathy levels.

I regularly wake up feeling nauseous because I have a hiatus hernia. I also hate strong smells but it doesn’t stop me from getting on with my day. Being upright would help his nausea to settle.
Sounds to me as if he’s rather precious.
Hand him the baby and go down stairs. He’s being ridiculous.

He should go back to gp asap to get blood tests especially liver function.

I felt queasy with my IBS but still had to hold down a full time job, move house etc. I had no choice but to continue. I found it worse if I needed the loo.

So whilst I have sympathy for him having suffered similarly, he has to find a way to adapt to be supportive of others too.

Fuck knows about the nausea thing but why the hell are you doing everything? Knock that on the head.

He needs to find out why, however feeling nauseous is NOT an excuse do what he wants. I have crohns and a genetic liver condition. I have 2 children one with autism. My hubby was often away with the army when they were little and I had no help.
Guess what I did everything they needed because it is entirely possible to carry on through the nauseous feelings. It possible to carry on even if you actually are sick. He appears to be using it as an excuse to only do the things he wants to do. This is unfair, especially if he isn’t going to try and get to the bottom of it. If you carry on doing everything you will end up becoming ill yourself.