To not have much sympathy for DH or am I being harsh?

[hermionegrange]

DH keeps waking up feeling nauseous. He has been to dentist and doctor about it over the last five weeks but both have said nothing is wrong, drink plenty of water.

We have a 2.5 year old and a 7 week old.
DH likens the nausea to morning sickness - any thing to do with bins, nappies, dirty plates, crumbs on the counter etc make him feel sick.
Nausea also seems to come on worse in night and in morning. He has been diagnosed with IBS years ago and has flare ups sometimes.

My issue is I am struggling to find any sympathy to give him as he is just whining about it and talking about it CONSTANTLY.

I am utterly exhausted- doing all nappies, potty training, sicky outfit changes for baby, emptying bins, loading dishwasher, cleaning kitchen... plus as breastfeeding all of the night feeds, and night nappies, and night burps (which take the longest). Just so so tired.

I woke DH at 5 this morning and asked if he would hold the baby for an hour to let me get at least an hours sleep as he had been feeding/on me almost all night. DH rolled over to face me and said 'sorry bad news I feel nauseous again' and 'need to sleep it off'

I feel mean for having no sympathy anymore but it's going on soooooooooo long. I feel bloody nauseous from lack of sleep!

Next time don't ask him for help - tell him.

I felt seriously nauseated for 2.5 yrs. It ruined my life. No reason for it. I remember the exact moment it started.
I had to raise children, work, travel etc. It was awful. Having emetophobia made it worse.
I do feel sorry for your husband, he does need to be an adult though. Can't exclude yourself from life, it'll pass you by

I bet when you actually had morning sickness with your babies you grit your teeth and got everything done that needed to be done. He needs to do the same! I would be livid.

My oh has advanced ovarian cancer and one of the early symptoms was nausea. He needs to get checked out by Dr Men don't have ovaries so that's not the issue here.

Is he interested in keeping a food diary?

When I’m over tired I suffer with nausea and motion sickness, I also have a 7 week old who is EBF so sympathise.
I think you need to start taking the ‘I’m exhausted and feel unwell also’ stance as it seems like he’s just holding his hands up and saying ‘sorry can’t, I feel sick’ and leaving you to deal with everything regardless of how you feel.

Unfortunately having children means not being able to decide you’re unwell and therefore not going to provide basic care for them. I couldn’t walk for 2 weeks after my birth but DS still needed his nappy changing 👍🏻

Probably stress. Just because he feels nauseous doesn't mean he can't look after a baby. What if you both felt nauseous?

FWIW my friend had to juggle morning sickness with a 2yo and had to keep a bucket beside the changing table to vomit in whilst changing his nappies.

I suffered hyperemesis until 30 weeks but didn’t cease to exist or function. I used to have sick bags in my handbag whenever I left the house but life continued x

Some of the responses on here will automatically assume he is skiving, its a natural bias on here, but he maybe actually suffering.
He might be. But if it were my husband I’d point out I had to take anti nausea tablets to get out of bed when pregnant and he went off to work and I got our toddler ready and took him to childcare before going to work (he did pick up, want a total loss). Yes he might be suffering but he’s not suffering enough to do anything about it. He can change nappies and take the baby for an hour until he is miserable enough to go back to the gp.

DH likens the nausea to morning sickness - any thing to do with bins, nappies, dirty plates, crumbs on the counter etc make him feel sick.

So all the shit jobs then, conveniently for him

Eliminate gluten (I mean, get him to do, you certainly shouldn’t be doing anything!) and he can see how that works. Next time he tries to get out of doing stuff, tell him ‘Yeah, me too, from lack of sleep. You have to help’ and give him the baby or whatever chore he needs to do.

My sister has nausea for several weeks. So much so that she thought she was pregnant . About 2 months later she was diagnosed with a rate form of cancer and died two weeks later . Her only symptoms were nausea and sickness and some tiredness. I know this is probably very very rare but I really would not ignore unexplained nausea

Also, like I’m sure many other women with hyperemesis, my then 2yo would play vomiting in the toilet as that’s what he saw mummy do. While parenting. I have less than zero sympathy for this guy given his less than zero sympathy for his partner who is doing everything!

Lots of people feel sick when dealing with shitwork. They still get on with it.

I don’t think it’s coincidence that he has been feeling this way basically ever since baby was born.
I’d tell him that unless he is physically vomiting, he pulls his weight.

Is he actually being sick?
I feel nauseous at shitty nappies and sicky clothes, who doesn't.
If he's not being sick then he needs to get on with it. He's found the perfect excuse to get out of all the crap jobs

Fucking man flu suffering skiving bastard. Men don't get ill they just fake it. LTB it will only get worse.

It sucks for him but when you are a parent you have to crack on and get on with it. I’m sure you’ve been ill plenty of times and still cared for your children.

My DH has had nausea for years on and off. Had an insane amount of tests. It’s basically stress and acid reflux. Neither of which he bothers to be proactive about so my sympathy is limited.

Any chance he’s having mental health problems but doesn’t feel able to say so is just saying ‘nausea’ when he’s in the horrors?

Not making excuses for him jury trying to think of anything else might be going on.

Does he seem to feel better when doing something he actually enjoys? If so I’d say he’s taking the piss.

If not and you can see he’s affected in other ways then he really must chase up with his GP. But from what you’ve put, I’m erring on the side of piss taking. I feel nauseous a lot (especially first thing if I haven’t had enough water the day before) but I still have to get up and get stuck in on the gross jobs and non-gross jobs! I was sill cleaning up after my cats (two elderly with bowel problems) when pregnant with my twins and suffering massively with sickness. I was careful to wear gloves and what have you, but my sense of smell was heightened too, wretched my way through it every time, but it had to be sorted - so I did it!

If it’s psychosomatic then, again, he needs to address it with his GP. Sorry you’re struggling OP

It is a bit too convenient that it is all the shit jobs that make him nauseous. I had bad nausea a few years ago that went on for about 2 months before going to g.p, I couldn't eat much as I felt sick all the time and food made it worse. I lost quite a bit of weight and was an emotional mess by the time I went to g.p. turned out I had heliobacter(s.p) bacteria in the gut that irritates stomach lining and causes ulcers, course of antibiotics and sorted in a couple weeks.

However, I still carried on with every day life and work no matter how ill I felt.

Yanbu, tell him to buck up and continue going to g.p to get to the bottom of it.

Next time you give him the baby just request he tries not to vomit on her and walk away.

I would assume it's the food you're making him so just cook simple things for you and the toddler,that will save you time.

You don't 'sleep off' nausea - thats bollocks. Who feels like sleeping when they feel sick? Nonsense, he's milking it. Wanker

"Some of the responses on here will automatically assume he is skiving, its a natural bias on here, but he maybe actually suffering."

And what about women who already have children and are pregnant and nauseous? Who says "oh poor her, she's really suffering, I'lldo the bins and the nappies"?

Fucking nobody that's who because we just get on with it.

I had this for a while and it always helped to get up and eat something light to start the day. As a pp says, sleeping off nausea is not a thing. He's taking the piss and YANBU at all.