To think 4 year olds just shouldn't be in school

[Belleende]

I will start by saying I know very little about educational theory, I just sent my DD off to school the term after she turned 4 as most parents do.
As the year has gone on she has begun to struggle. She hates the noise. She struggles with concentration. She is definitely taking her time tuning into the more social side of things.

We had been wondering if there was some kind of special need there. Now Covid has hit and we are the teachers. I have come to the conclusion there is nowt wrong with her, she is just too young to be in school.

She is a young 4 and summer born. She has the attention span of a gnat, and we have to fight to get her to do reading and writing . But she has a huge passion for knowledge and love of the outside, and her memory is amazing.

Not sure what to do when this is all over. Can't help thinking she would be better off home schooled until she is 6 or 7.

Anyone else rethinking the education of their kids?

4 is too young for formal education, they are great at my kids school it is a bit of learning with mostly free flow playing , but it would be great if we could be a bit more up to date and send them later.
For economical reasons though it isn't in the governments interests to change it as school is needed for childcare so we can work.

Well you didn’t have to send her this year at all. And if you are able and willing to home school then that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Personally I think my 4.5 year old will be more than ready to go to school in September and as we both work full time, home education would never be an option!

I'm in the same boat. My younger DS is an August baby and he really hasn't adjusted well to reception. His teachers were constantly asking me to do more with him, they are spending a lot of time trying to help him, but he basically refuses to read with me and I've not even tried writing. I've simply accepted help be behind for a few years. I am also thinking about taking him to GP as we have a lot of sleep and behaviour issues that have been ongoing since he was two.

I live in Scotland, school starts at 5 here. And I am so grateful for that. I think 4 is a bit early. Depends on the child of course but my DD would not have been anywhere near ready last year (she is a summer baby though).

I am treating this as an extra term of Montessori/nursery for my August born DS. He was actually doing pretty well in school. Not misbehaving (he can be a terror at home) really getting phonics but he didn’t really enjoy it (would still randomly get upset about having to go on a Monday; hated the uniform) and is really not interested in the social side (he refuses to talk to any of his classmates or other little friends at all despite offering frewuently

So we are doing 20-30 mins of phonics a day. And the rest is just playing. He is currently obsessed with screwing nails into wood. That and licking the spoon after making cake batter!

My daughter started when she was four and three months and I bitterly regret my decision not to defer her a year now as she struggles to keep up on class. I felt I was doing the right thing at the time but looking back it's a mistake.

My DD is an August-born four year old and she has thrived in reception. She is far better off being taught by someone qualified than by someone (me) who doesn’t know what they’re doing. Don’t generalise based on your own situation.

At that age it's all play based learning. I have an August born and he was more than ready for school. Seems a lot of parents defer for a year because of their anxiety which is silly really.

The problem with deferring is that in most areas they have to go into year 1 when they do start, so miss out on reception. In areas where they can go into reception at 5 it’s a much better option in my opinion.

Colour MeExhausted Kids can go to school at four in Scotland too.

Ok so I don't think school is too much for most 4 year olds although some even without SEN will struggle with it.

My now 4 year old started preschool at just under 3 (when her 15 hours funding kicked in). I'm a sahm so I only sent her because IMO it's too much to expect a child to go from being at home full time with Mum to start reception with no experience of a childcare or education setting.

We had the first term where she was unsettled, not unexpected. But as time went on, thanks to the experience and care of the staff at her very small preschool we realised that it wasn't just a child of a sahm being a bit clingy. She hated the noise, she found the other children so hard to deal with en masse, she struggled with transitions. She'd cry and cry. Not a traditional meltdown, she's never lashed out or been violent, just very anxious and distressed. She'd do other things too - like rise on her tiptoes when she was distressed. She loved learning (and does at home) but couldn't settle to it because she found things to unsettling unless she was 1-1 with an adult.

Anyway, we had her assessed. Took her to a private clinic initially and she was diagnosed with autism. Referred to the NHS, same diagnosis. By 3 and a half she'd been diagnosed. She's had 1-1 support in preschool since September and has flourished. Still finds it hard but we have lots of coping strategies in place and she's in the middle of an assessment for an EHCP ready for when she starts reception this September. We found that as she became more settled in preschool, the harder her behaviour became to manage at home. Her learning is shocking to be frank. She's well advanced in most academic areas (assessed at roughly age 5/6 at under 4) but socially and emotionally she's way behind. Assessed at around age 2. When you talk with her it's like speaking to a miniature adult.

So, IMO, most children at 4 are fine to be in school. Struggling with it isn't uncommon and doesn't necessarily mean there's SEN. But what I will say is since lockdown she's been amazing. So different. Because the social pressures are off of her entirely. It's just me, her Dad and sister. She's in her safe space all the time.

In hindsight though, there were lots of pointers towards autism right from when she was a baby. Does your daughter have any other traits that point towards additional needs?

I am in Scotland too and my child started school aged 4.

I think it was too young and wish I had of been able to keep her back but because of where her birthday fell she had to attend.

To the previous poster also in Scotland, how come you were able to wait until ages 5?

I will also add to that that I wouldn't even consider home schooling my child. Because she's already at a massive disadvantage socially having to cope with autism. I wouldn't make that disadvantage worse by not giving her the tools to learn how to deal with that. But that's just my personal opinion for my child, and I know lots of parents of children with SEN feel differently.

It is young. I wish it was different.

YANBU my just turned 4 year old dd started school this sept too and if I could go back I would have kept her in nursery another year. Her teacher on parents evening also said she is hugely behind in comparison to the 5 year olds (obviously not concerning at this age) but I still feel it’s a shame for her and she wasn’t properly “ready”.

Move to Scotland. Mine didn't/won't start til 5 and a half.

Depends on the child. I’m a May birthday and had tantrums that have passed into family legend when collected from school at lunchtime in my first term (children born earlier in the year got to stay the whole day) because I adored it. And another when we walked past school on a Saturday and the PTA was in and I wasn’t.

DS2 is just 4 and is beyond ready. We have foam letters in the bath and his current favourite bath game is to make us pronounce the random letters he puts together.

But equally, I remember being really pleased that the reception class at DS1’s school had a ‘nap area’ for those who needed one.

It depends on the 4 year old, both in terms of just turned 4 vs nearly 5 and individual differences.

My DD1 was nearly 5 when she started school and would have been fine starting school at nearly 4, she was way more ready than some of the children who started school the year before she started. The last year of nursery wasn't ideal for her as she was not mixing with older children and she spent a lot of the time talking to the staff (who were brilliant). She absolutely flew when she started school, learnt to read quickly. Delaying her starting school until a year later would have bored her.

DD2 was 4 years 8 months. She wouldn't have been ready at 3 years 8 months, but was definitely ready when she did start school. It has been quite noticeable that some of her peers were not ready for school and, for some, the impact of them starting before they were ready has been bad for them and their classmates.

I wonder if some children will never really be ready for the model of school we have - 30+ in a classroom, intense curriculum, often poorly resourced/cheap.

So I don't doubt that some children would benefit from a delayed start, but it wouldn't be beneficial to all and isn't a panacea.

My daughter was ready for school long before it started and by 4 my son was too. I think it's very individual re: when your kids are ready. Reception is a very small step from nursery, they don't go in all guns blazing.

Completely agree, which is why we chose to defer our son. He will be starting this september at 5years 2months. Also to clear up any misinformation, schools are not allowed a blanket policy where by the child misses reception if deferred. There's an excellent group on Facebook called 'Flexible school admissions for summerborns' which is all about how to defer your child's RECEPTION start.

I completely agree, unfortunately I think the majority of Brits have been almost brainwashed into the idea that the earlier the formal education the better.

A brief look at how education is carried out elsewhere/accross different time periods shows this to be patently false.

Whilst I'm on it I'm always astonished at the percentage of people who agree with strict school uniform policies - because those countries who don't enforce all children all wearing the same clothes just don't manage to control or educate their children.

I really detest the backward British education system and I say that as a fully born and bred Brit.

Reception year has long hours for children who aren’t ready for school.

I ended up home teaching my eldest two children as they were July and August babies and my son in particular wasn’t ready for school. My daughter would have managed. However there wasn’t the option of deferring a year then it was simply miss reception and straight into Y1 which would have been harder.

My younger two started at nearly 5 as they still did staggered term entry when they were small.

DS is 4 in July and is going to school from September.

Our nursery said to us not to hold him back as they think he's really intelligent and would get bored doing another year at nursery.

I was born in August and went to school at 4. According to my family, I didn't have any issues settling in.

My point is really that all kids are different, which is why you have the option to defer for a year, and I think the current system is fine.

I work in a school and its not really the step from preschool to reception that's hard, as it's still very play-based, it's the huge jump to year one with the 'bums on seats and working' mentality that many summerborns struggle with.