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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 4 year olds just shouldn't be in school

208 replies

Belleende · 02/05/2020 19:45

I will start by saying I know very little about educational theory, I just sent my DD off to school the term after she turned 4 as most parents do.
As the year has gone on she has begun to struggle. She hates the noise. She struggles with concentration. She is definitely taking her time tuning into the more social side of things.

We had been wondering if there was some kind of special need there. Now Covid has hit and we are the teachers. I have come to the conclusion there is nowt wrong with her, she is just too young to be in school.

She is a young 4 and summer born. She has the attention span of a gnat, and we have to fight to get her to do reading and writing . But she has a huge passion for knowledge and love of the outside, and her memory is amazing.

Not sure what to do when this is all over. Can't help thinking she would be better off home schooled until she is 6 or 7.

Anyone else rethinking the education of their kids?

OP posts:
TankGirl97 · 02/05/2020 20:19

My dc are autumn born and loved school from day one. However if I'd had a summer born I absolutely would have considered part time school until they were five, friends have done it and it worked well. Really depends on the dc.

Bookoffacts · 02/05/2020 20:19

You don't have you start children in UK until year 1.
Not well advertised but it's the law.
September after they turn 5.

Reception is optional!

scunner · 02/05/2020 20:20

We lived in Scotland and I kept my daughter at home until she was 5. She had a place at the local primary school at age 4, but I knew she would benefit from attending nursery a couple of mornings a week and going to school at five. No regrets.

Chillipeanuts · 02/05/2020 20:22

We sent ours in part-time for the first term, mornings only, building up to mornings and lunch. It made the transition much easier for them. Made no difference educationally, both did very well indeed and were ready to learn by the time they went full-time.

QuestionMarkNow · 02/05/2020 20:24

YABU because not all kids are the same!!

Your dc might be struggling. Others don’t.

Redskylark · 02/05/2020 20:33

My 4yo was definitely ready and shes flying! Shes 3rd youngest in the class and youngest girl and school has been amazing for her, even now she enjoys working at home and blows me away with how clever she is, god knows who she gets it from. It's a very individual thing, you didnt have to send your child then though

LikeDuhWhatever · 02/05/2020 20:35

All the British people will tell you it’s fine to send children under the age of 6 to school because that’s what they are used to. In reality it’s bollox. I am not saying it does any damage but it is school at the end of the day, even if it is play-based. In fact British children are not any smarter than kids from abroad who start going to school at age 6-7.

GreenTulips · 02/05/2020 20:39

She may be dyslexic

The noise, concentration, lacks internet in reading and writing etc

Worth a look

Chickoletta · 02/05/2020 20:39

YABU - it depends totally on the child and their previous experience. I’m a teacher and have 2 summer-born DCs, one in August and the other June 3 yrs apart.I went back to work part time when they were 10 months old ish and they went into a busy nursery environment 3 days per week.

When they turned 3, both joined our prep school nursery 3 days per week - long days, school environment (although play based), wore uniform. Both thrived and wanted to do more from a few weeks in. Both then transitioned easily into reception and have loved school ever since.

I don’t think your experience is unusual but it’s certainly not universal. We all need to do what’s right for our children.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2020 20:39

My dd would have hated to be held back. It wasn’t an option at the time. She’s summer born and did just fine. Of course there was a big difference between her and the children almost a year older than her.

user3274826 · 02/05/2020 20:39

All research says children are better learning through play and delaying formal academic learning until 7. It angers me that the national curriculum isn't in line with this research. I have had two summer borns who have coped in reception and then sunk in year 1 when all the play entirely disappeared and they were a mere 5 years old. Now I know what I know, I'd say it was verging on child abuse to force them into constant failure and repetitively doing things they weren't developmentally ready for. Both were bottom of the class and it affected their social development and self esteem for most of primary, and then caught up around year 6 and ended up above average. What a world of difference starting at 7 would have been. Yes some summer borns are fine, but even they would benefit from developmentally appropriate play based learning for longer.

myohmywhatawonderfulday · 02/05/2020 20:40

It was too much for my summer born. He went from being happy to aggressive and non-complient. I was able to recognise this as signs of distress and arranged for him to go to school part time.

This worked well for us.
I do think its dependent on the child though because with lockdown my ds2 (who is now 7) is thriving not being at school. My older son just wants to go back yesterday.

CorianderLord · 02/05/2020 20:40

Depends on the child surely? I could read well by three and my mum says I calmed down when I went to school as it challenged me.

I was a spring baby though so I do think summer borns get a bad deal

WaxOnFeckOff · 02/05/2020 20:41

I think it was too young and wish I had of been able to keep her back but because of where her birthday fell she had to attend.

No, legally your child doesn't have to start school until they are 5 but it can be difficult to get funding for a nursery place if their birthday means that they should start.

No child should start in Scotland until they are around 4.5 as our cut of is end Feb/1st March, deferrals of those who only turn 4 in Jan/Feb are very easy to attain, deferrals for those who turned 4 in Nov and Dec as relatively ok now I believe. I've never heard of anyone getting a deferral for a child who would be turning 5 shortly after the school year starts (Sept/Oct) but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

I think just turned 4 is far too young and 4.5 is too young for a lot of children as well.

ConnieDoodle · 02/05/2020 20:42

My nephew is 3 and starts school this time. He is really not ready.

ludothedog · 02/05/2020 20:42

Obviously it depends on the child doesn't it. Can I ask if your child went to anti and pre-school? The idea of those two nursery years is to help your child prepare for school and build on their social and emotional learning as well as early reading and writing skills.

I do wonder if there is a link between children who have stayed at home with parents and ability to settle. DD went to nursery from the age of one. I guess at an early age she had to learn to adapt to a class room like environment. She adapted no problem to P1 and her peers from nursery all seemed to settle in no problem. In fact I would say she was bored in the beginning. Coming home at lunch time during the settling in period was confusing. She was only just getting in to things when it was time to come home..

She was 4 years old, like most of her school year (also Scotland)

Gunpowder · 02/05/2020 20:44

Op I too wish I’d held back my May born DD2 who is in reception. She’s bright and likes learning but her motor skills aren’t developed anywhere near enough and she is painfully shy. I’m tempted to ask if she can repeat reception but she would really miss her friends! On the other hand my September born DD1 would have benefited from going to school a whole year earlier. I feel like you should be able to send them between 4 and 6 depending on where they are developmentally and there should be fantastic state nursery provision in place for those who delay it a bit.

Bumsmet · 02/05/2020 20:52

Far too early! Yes it depends on the child, but why start early at the detriment of the ones who aren’t ready?

I live in Switzerland. Here children start Kindergarten in the August of the year they turn 5, every weekday morning. Full time school starts the August of the year they turn 7. Society here seems to function just fine without the need for children to be in a formal learning environment at a very young age.

I know my DS would have been one of the ones not ready to start school so young and I am so thankful that we don’t live in the UK

Incrediblytired · 02/05/2020 20:52

I really don’t understand why they start so early. It’s against all the research.

Year 1 sounds worse than reception. Bums on seats 🤮

I say this as a very conformist professional whose mum was a teacher.

I’m tempted to delay my daughter starting.

oakleaffy · 02/05/2020 20:54

OP, My son, born end of July, went to school at 4. In retrospect, I'd have had him start at 5!..He could concentrate, but being the youngest, and a late developer physically made him look 'tiny' {as he called it} as he was almost a year younger than some the others. grew to be over 6 foot , but maybe hold back a year?..

angelopal · 02/05/2020 20:55

I am in Scotland and DD was 5 when she started. Her birthday is February so we could have sent her at 4. But chose to wait and think it was the right decision.

If birthday is January or February parents make the choice to defer or not.

nauseaandnipples · 02/05/2020 20:57

I'm in Scotland, the youngest child starting here is 4.5 and a lot of parents defer them until the next year if they're 4.

Poetryinaction · 02/05/2020 20:58

4 was ideal for my January born boy. He loved school. My November born girl is 4 now and it feels like she's been ready for a long time.

Drivingdownthe101 · 02/05/2020 20:58

Depends on the 4 year old I guess. My August born 4 year old absolutely loves school. She can read fluently, writes stories, has got lots of friends... she’s really really missing it at the moment.
My older child is autumn born so started when she was nearly 5. She could read well before starting school, was bored at pre school and was so ready to go.

Peapod29 · 02/05/2020 20:58

Absolutely too young for any kind of formal education. Good schools know this though. Our teacher callled last week and she said if they can get them to concentrate on task for 15 mins they were doing well. I think child led learning is the best approach to take with them at home. I don’t want anything to become a chore for them at this age and squash their enthusiasm for learning, although I need to remember this more often as I’ve been battling with mine to write sentences.