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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have not called my sister to check it was OK to call

295 replies

surprisinglyordinary · 02/05/2020 17:11

My sister moved to Australia a few years ago. Speaking on the phone is more complicated due to the time difference and we've never managed to be in at the same time unless it's prearranged. So now we prearrange calls via email/ whatsapp. We have been speaking perhaps every 4 months.

She had an op in November. relatively major but all went well. We had arranged a phone call for about 2 weeks after he op. She was at home after about 3 days, but obviously it's very tiring to have major surgery and she also was sometimes experiencing pain so she was far from fully recovered. Phone call was 'booked' for a Monday morning. She asked if I could whatsapp her on the Saturday to check she was still on for our phone call on Monday. I said I couldn't as I was away for the weekend with my OH. We go away once a year, to spa hotel for the weekend and as we have no family support it is the only time all year we get time away from the kids (I do a swop with a friend who is in the same position as us to make this happen). I said I would just call on the Monday and if she was free we could talk and if she could not pick up because she was tired or did not feel up to it we would just rearrange.

The call did not go ahead (she cancelled it) and she has blanked me ever since (cancelled every phone call I tried to book since and not initiated contact with me at all). When I contacted her to talk about this she said she was put out that I'd not been happy to whatsapp her on the Saturday. She has not contacted me at all in the last 6 months now and as far as she's saying, this is the only reason why.

Was I being unreasonable in saying I wouldn't whatsapp on the Sat to see if we could still talk on the Monday? I don't think so but I would like to hear other's views in case I need to wobble my head.

OP posts:
PippaPegg · 02/05/2020 17:29

This all sounds exhaustingly formal.

It's your sister just ring her. If she doesn't answer send a whatsapp saying hey call back when you're free. Surely Confused

ImDillDandin · 02/05/2020 17:30

She's being ridiculous. You didn't send a message so she cancelled the call and is now blanking you? How petty. Sound's like you do all the running in this relationship and when you failed to tiptoe around her she felt she had to punish you. Leave her to it, sounds like she enjoys taking offence and people like that are best avoided.

saraclara · 02/05/2020 17:30

I can't think for a minute why you didn't just say "sure, I'll try to remember" rather than "I can't because ( my weekend away is to important for me to be arsed to spend ten seconds sending you a message)"

Was that worth her not speaking to you for six months? No.
Could you have been more tactful and just sent that message if you remembered? Yes.

MangoHat · 02/05/2020 17:31

I think having to check with someone 48hours in advance about whether they would be well enough is ridiculous.

If it had not been a spa weekend I might have said you could have made more effort. But I assume you were planning to be in a pool / jacuzzi / treatment room and might not have wanted or even been allowed your phone in the spa. I wouldn’t have been keen to leave the pool, dry off and go and find my phone in my locker or my room list to send this ridiculous message.

She sounds like hard work and someone who likes an excuse for drama and fallings-out.

JKScot4 · 02/05/2020 17:31

Christ what a pair of drama queens!
You’re an adult and ‘oh my memory’ set an alarm on your phone and send her a msg, that would’ve been simple!
Also does your sister think she’s the Queen who must only be approached by appointment?

Floralnomad · 02/05/2020 17:31

All sounds like a drama over nothing , moving forward I’d probably WhatsApp just to say how are you and yours doing and then leave it if she doesn’t respond . It really doesn’t seem worth the bother .

WeakAndWeary · 02/05/2020 17:33

What a load of hooey about bugger all. You should have Whatsapp'd her as requested. She shouldn't be a dick because you didn't. Just leave her to stew. Or don't. There's real shit going down in the world right now so I imagine you can find something more interesting to fret about?

ScarletFever · 02/05/2020 17:34

what? she wanted you to check it would be ok to call her?

what fucking madness is this? this has to be a wind up? how would she know on Sat if she would be well enough to speak with you on Monday? surely she could tell you on the fucking Monday if she was up to it or not?

is this normal to you? because its not to the rest of us! this is really fucking weird and attention seeking

Dieu · 02/05/2020 17:34

Jeez oh, relationships should not be that much hard work!
It all sounds rather forced and unnatural to me, even taking the distance into account.

JKScot4 · 02/05/2020 17:35

I bet OPs sister doesn’t answer her front door either 🤣

Pipandmum · 02/05/2020 17:35

You have this handy thing on your phone called an alarm. You could have just set it to remind you to take 10 secs to WhatsApp her, or you could have just asked her to WhatsApp you on the monday to say whether she was up for a call or not. Not sure why you had to WhatsApp her for her to tell you if she was going ahead with a call!
Either way she is being totally unreasonable to not speak to you for six months.

ScarletFever · 02/05/2020 17:35

You should have Whatsapp'd her as requested.

but why??? how is this even a thing? you dont 'pre call' family to see if they are ok with a call???

Shoppingwithmother · 02/05/2020 17:36

I think she’s being ridiculous. Tbh if it was me I’d just leave the ball in her court now. But not everyone is like me (fortunately?!!)

Yes you could have said “I’ll try to remember to text you but I’m away so might forget” but the whole arranging calls thing sounds such a ridiculous palaver anyway.

Notonthestairs · 02/05/2020 17:36

Her reaction is over the top. But she'd had major surgery and was in a lot of pain. Probably feeling quite vulnerable. Any niggles tend to get amplified.

In those circumstances i'd look at the bigger picture and smooth things over rather look for a reason to be in the right.

WeakAndWeary · 02/05/2020 17:37

you dont 'pre call' family to see if they are ok with a call???

Well no. Normal people don't. It's not something I've ever heard of but clearly these two are operating in a parallel dimension so I assume the OP is familiar with her sister's weirdness.

Dishwashersaurous · 02/05/2020 17:38

Clearly she wanted you to check in after her op to see if she was ok.

You telling her that you couldn’t take one minute out of a weekend to think about her probably makes it seem that you couldn’t care less about her

BacklashStarts · 02/05/2020 17:38

Yabu BUT she has way over reacted. So 50:50

bettybattenburg · 02/05/2020 17:38

She's your sister, surely you could make time to WhatsApp her?

SachaStark · 02/05/2020 17:39

There’s a level of preciousness here that is just unrecognisable to me.

She needs to stop this bizarre system of pre-arranging and pre-approving phone calls from family.

You need to start keeping a daily to do list.

You’re both being unreasonable.

Chiyo666 · 02/05/2020 17:39

You both sound fucking nuts.

User67890 · 02/05/2020 17:40

I don't understand why she couldn't have been the one to message you about whether she was feeling up to it or not.
But equally she'd just had surgery and maybe wanted to know you were there for her. You both sound difficult.

AldiAisleOfCrap · 02/05/2020 17:40

You should have set an alarm to what’s app her.

FizzyGreenWater · 02/05/2020 17:41

She is making a point because she feels that you were making a point.

Looks like it doesn't matter that much if you're not close anyway.

Intelinside57 · 02/05/2020 17:44

I think she was making everything overly complicated, but that you could easily have set the alarm on your phone and sent a brief WhatsApp message. So both of you dealt with this in a rather strange way.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 02/05/2020 17:44

I think you are both a bit u. You could have just what whatsapped it would have taken 5secs
But then why couldn't she just WhatsApp you on the sat and told you? I'd let her get on with it.

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