Would you be offended by this?

[circuscat]

A man I know said I was big built and have broad shoulders. No one had ever said this to me before and tbh it's made me feel quite unfeminine and bad about myself.

I am not a skinny woman by any means - size 10, around 5'3. But saying a woman is broad makes me think maybe I must look masculine and unattractive.

"It is always rude to comment on someone else’s body, unless you are being complimentary, unless you are very close. BFF or family sort of close."

In your opinion.

"It is an insidious sort of sexism, which makes it more socially acceptable to comment on women’s bodies than men’s."

I think people are more likely to comment on men's bodies actually.

It really depends on the context.

But in general, no it wouldn’t offend me. It might have done twenty years ago but not now.

"*Because they are conditioned not to show feelings about it...

Imagine if a guy came here and said some woman commented on his belly and he was upset..."

You're imagining an insulting comment it seems, a man being teased about a beer belly, maybe. The comment here wasn't insulting. More equivalent to commenting on a man's height.

I'm a swimmer and my ex once commented on my shoulders and how they were broader than his. I could have responded by telling him he had the shoulders of a 16 year old boy (He was very slim) but obviously didnt because that would be nasty and cruel. It's one of the reasons he's now my ex! What a dick

It would make me feel insecure and bad, yes.

@Gwenhwyfar I agree the comment here wasn't insulting (most likely, who knows since OP guides the secret of context of that conversation better than Smaug guarded his treasure🙄).

Gwenhyffar of course it’s my opinion, this is nearly all opinion, with a smattering of facts. This is AIBU, therefore soliciting opinions.

Why do you have an issue with someone expressing an opinion on AIBU?

AIBU to get annoyed when someone starts a thread with vital information missing and then fucks off while everyone else speculates as to the inner meaning of some unknown person's random comment?

Understanding the context and intent would be very helpful in understanding his comments.

I've had the padded shoulder comments too.

These people have verbal diarrhoea. The crap they come out of is intended as a compliment, insulting or they are just weird.

Ignore them OP.

Some of these comments

A size 10 isn't obese don't be ridiculous!

@lozster not to be horrible but that did make me laugh! I have broad shoulders too.

Yeah doesn't sound like he was talking in a complimentary way. Thoughtless. One of those moments you wish you'd had a perfect comeback. Like, that's only next to your delicate frame. Unasked for 'honesty' is just rudeness.

I am a UK size 10 and 5"3' funnily enough. I wouldn't want to be any slimmer, I was when I was younger and used to get teased for being too skinny and I've been smaller after recovering from sugery and looked really ill.

I also have relatively broad shoulders for my size, people who do comment tell me I look athletic and I admit it doesn't take much work for me to get into good shape.

You're big built if you can put your thumb and forefinger around your wrist and not have them touch.

What? Or it can just mean you have very small hands. I have very slender wrists but my thumb and forefinger certainly don't touch. My glove size is 6.

I'm more offended at your comment that a size 10 is t skinny actually! I must be a hippo compared to you then if I'm a size 12.

Likewise MrsD. The comments are uncalled for and ridiculous.

Men can be very touchy.

The response you give, is to thank them if it was meant as an insult, or to throw it back at them, like in amber's pp. Or you could ask them what they mean or even if they meant to be rude.

In what context did he say this

You're big built if you can put your thumb and forefinger around your wrist and not have them touch.

When I buy jewellery I have to get a child’s sized bracelet or have it resized much smaller. I’m always told I have tiny wrists.

My forefinger and thumb don’t touch!

ElectricTonight

@lozster not to be horrible but that did make me laugh! I have broad shoulders too.

Yeah and just to add to the picture, he did actually poke me on the ‘shoulder pads’ as he made that comment! I’m actually laughing now but I did remember this 20 years later!

On the positive side, a female friend once said to me whilst trying on ball gowns, ‘well it’s ok for you with these strapless dresses as you actually have shoulders!’ So there you go!

Depends on context (as so many have said), but objectively speaking, there's nothing wrong with having broad shoulders. I like to think my broad shoulders make me look strong and capable. Women (like men) come in all shapes and sizes.

Maybe he meant it as a compliment. If not, I'd either give him a sharp answer back next time he insulted me or cut him out altogether.

Depending on who said it and under what circumstances, I might be annoyed at their commenting on my appearance at all. But the specific comment wouldn't offend or upset me. There is nothing wrong or unattractive about being broad-shouldered and well-built. In fact, the 'broad shoulders' part makes the comment better, as it makes it unlikely that the person is using 'big build' as a euphemism for 'fat'.

It was a general conversation bout family - he said his twin sister is somehow much bigger than him and bigger built. He went on to say she probably has similar problems to me. I asked what he meant by that and he said I am big built. I said I have never been told that before in my life, so he said I have big broad shoulders compared to a lot of women.

Is he a prospective boyfriend? If he is, expect more of this, otherwise ignore him, he's a dick.

I have broad shoulders and wouldn't be offended by anyone commenting on them. They do make it difficult to find well- fitting tops or dresses with set-in sleeves - and that is the ONLY context in which I would describe them as a problem.

It sounds as if DP feels rather a weakling, perhaps he's insecure. I once had a date comment on how my arms were hairier than his, and told him he might want to keep that quiet as men are supposed to be hairy.

Did I miss where it said who the man was? And how/why it was said? Without all the info it’s hard to even guess at the motives, let alone say if it was unreasonable or not.