Would you be offended by this?

[circuscat]

A man I know said I was big built and have broad shoulders. No one had ever said this to me before and tbh it's made me feel quite unfeminine and bad about myself.

I am not a skinny woman by any means - size 10, around 5'3. But saying a woman is broad makes me think maybe I must look masculine and unattractive.

I actually do have broad shoulders but I would still be offended by how he worded that.

That description to me wouldn't necessarily mean fat or unfeminine.

Big built is how the body shape of myself and the women in my family describe ourselves; our family ancestry has been farm working so we are all quite strongly built with larger leg muscles and broader backs/shoulders. It's more of a physique thing than a fat thing.

@MikeUniformMike I am sorry but I am massively confused. You can't physically be 70cm (32) under chest if you are clothes uk size 34-36?😱

That was a compliment. That is why women used shoulder-pads to look more broad-shouldered.

"A man I know said I was big built and have broad shoulders."
In what context did he say this? Because I can't imagine any man I know saying this to me! And frankly, as a 5'3" size 10 you are definitely not big built - quite the opposite. I was that size once (sigh) and am your height so I do feel that I know what I'm talking about here .

And as for broad shoulders - Sharon Davies the swimmer could be described as having broad shoulders and is VERY feminine.

You're big built if you can put your thumb and forefinger around your wrist and not have them touch.
If they easily touch or overlap, you are not big built.
It is nothing to do with the amount of fat you may or may not be carrying.

I see the Op hasn't been back to clarify the context then, good show Op

I wouldn't be offended at all, and it was probably not a derogatory comment anyway., people say all manner of things to others. You know what you look like, so that's all that matters.

What do you think OP?

OP the context of this comment really matters but you seem to be ignoring posting asking that.

I don’t agree that if it’s true then you shouldn’t be offended. I think it’s very relevant why this man said this to you and this might impact on why I am offended eg if he is my tailor and we are talking about fitting an item of clothing then I probably wouldn’t be offended but if it was my local pharmacist who just happened to share that view with me then I might be offended, whther it’s true or not (it’s not).

Why did he even comment on this at all? I don’t understand how this would ever randomly crop up in conversation. You wouldn’t walk up to someone and say ‘hey Derek, did you know your ears are really big and hairy?’.

"What does it matter whether it is true or not, as previous posters have asked. It's just out of order."

Why? If someone is tall, why can't it be mentioned unless you're making fun of the person. Really silly to have so many rules on things that can't be said.

I have broad shoulders. I don't think it's particularly feminine and I would avoid too much swimming for fear of making it worse. However, there are pluses as well - I think they balance out the hips, for example.

" as a society we rarely comment on men's bodies unless we know them well enough to do so. "

I TOTALLY disagree with that. We're more likely to comment on men's bodies because they're less sensitive about it.

I find anyone that feels the need to comment/point out someone’s physical attributes offensive.
However, do you find it offensive too OP? Or is it just that he pointed out a fact that you don’t like? Would you be as offended if he had said, ‘my, what a lovely round and pert arse you have’?

Why have you let a random man's random comments make you feel bad?

"Sharon Davies the swimmer could be described as having broad shoulders and is VERY feminine."

With no offence to Sharon Davies, I don't think that figure is VERY feminine at all. That V-shape that swimmers have is pretty masculine.
I'm sure Sharon doesn't care at all what I think though.

@OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow, I am a EU 34 or 26. Usually 8 or 10 in the UK.

I am slightly taller than the OP but probably quite similar.
I am on the lower end of the BMI normal range.

I get comments about my weight all the time. My weight is fairly stable.

Why people feel the need to remark is beyond me.

If all the comments I've heard were put together, I'd look even weirder than I do. The broad shoulders, massive tits, big bum, child-bearing hips, thighs thinner than my calves etc.

Despite my unfeasibly short legs, I rarely need to hem jeans. I'm a bit worried that I've been buying bermuda shorts by mistake.

I must have gorilla like arms, because 3/4 length sleeves are just that.

I'm tempted to post a photo but I'd probably be scouted by a freak show.

Well, if it’s any comfort, a bloke once asked me why I was wearing shoulder pads as they went out of fashion in the 80’s ... I wasn’t

"would you say to someone with bad acne or eczema, oh, you’ve got bad acne / eczema etc?"

No, because it might upset them. Broad shoulders is hardly the same.

We're more likely to comment on men's bodies because they're less sensitive about it.

*Because they are conditioned not to show feelings about it...

Imagine if a guy came here and said some woman commented on his belly and he was upset...

I forgot to add (it might out me) that I have been the butt of dumb blonde jokes and had ginger jibes. I have mousy undyed hair.

@mikeuniformmike I thought you meant EU because they would make sense. I just got lost with that obese comment so went with uk size

Oh yeah and just so no one thinks it’s just males who make a faux pas, a woman once told me that she was sure she could guess the sport I played on account of my huge shoulders I am actually laughing now! Wasn’t then but hey ho!

It is always rude to comment on someone else’s body, unless you are being complimentary, unless you are very close. BFF or family sort of close.

It is an insidious sort of sexism, which makes it more socially acceptable to comment on women’s bodies than men’s.

You are not being unreasonable nor too sensitive.

I would be thrilled personally. But there again I've worked bloody hard to get exactly that look.

I did actually have a comment made in my hearing, not to me but about me. Some lad to his girlfriend in the gym..."you don't want to use the heavy weights, you don't want shoulders like that"
I did actually quip back, "don't worry, you don't get shoulders like this lifting those little weights for 5min, takes me 2hr a week using 10x that weight"