Would you be offended by this?

[circuscat]

A man I know said I was big built and have broad shoulders. No one had ever said this to me before and tbh it's made me feel quite unfeminine and bad about myself.

I am not a skinny woman by any means - size 10, around 5'3. But saying a woman is broad makes me think maybe I must look masculine and unattractive.

He sounds rude and sexist: men often feel they have the right to describe women’s bodies to their faces

OP it would piss me off that he felt such leeway, the dynamic is very oppressive. He sounds like a dick.

Context is everything. Having a bike fitting? Absolutely fine. Random observation in the office? Dick move.

I don’t think it’s appropriate to say. We shouldn’t be openly commenting on people’s physiques.

Size 10 wouldn’t equal “big built” to me (and it’s a size 6 in the US, nowhere near obesity )

Could he have been negging you OP? Sounds exactly like the sort of comment designed by a man to make a woman feel insecure.

I cannot see how “big build” could ever be seen as a compliment towards a woman.

I'm a size 10 in the UK which is a size 14 in the US. She is 5 foot 3 as I am....We are not slim by any means of the imagination. In fact we are very close to being obese...Very,very close
No way is size 10 UK with 160cm hight near obese

It would depend on if you actually do have broad shoulders. I don't have broad shoulders but my hips are wide - I would consider myself pear shaped. It's a fact and I wouldn't be offended if someone said that.

I'd be offended that he thought it was his business to comment, not by the description (though the description sounds inaccurate as you're below average height and clothing size).

Why, exactly, did he think it was appropriate to inform you what he thought your build was?

He sounds like a dunderhead to me.

And I bet he's got a face like a rhino's arse.

Size 10 at 5ft 3 is not 'big built' Ii'm 5ft 1 and 10/12 but I can't imagine anyone describing my build as 'big'! He's being ridiculous.

He was wrong to say this, I hate it when people comment on someone else’s appearance. I don’t do it unless it’s positive. It’s rude & offensive!

Also, broad shoulders on women are attractive. I have broad shoulders, I’m a size 10 & I’m 5foot5. My OH says I look attractive with broad shoulders, go on google and look at women with broad shoulders, it’s actually a good thing to have Op

I used to go abroad with my sister quite a lot. She’s size 10, very straight up and down with broader shoulders. We always use to find that in restaurants the waiters would speak to us in dutch first. When she said she was English they would be surprised and said she had a Dutch physique.

How can anyone say its sexist or offensive, or even not offensive without context?

I don’t think it’s appropriate for him to just come out and say it, but if you asked then I don’t think I’d be offended

I hate this. I am fucking sick of people thinking it's ok to make comments on someone's figure/build/appearance.
What does it matter whether it is true or not, as previous posters have asked. It's just out of order.

Exactly!

I mean , would you say to someone with bad acne or eczema, oh, you’ve got bad acne / eczema etc?

I'm big built with broad shoulders and very tall. Men have been saying thus kind of shit to me my entire laugh. Fuck them. I think they're just intimidated. But a negative comment on their size usually gets them to shut up.

I'm a size 10 in the UK which is a size 14 in the US.

Nope.

A UK size 10 is a US size 6.

"OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow.....I'm a size 10 in the UK which is a size 14 in the US. She is 5 foot 3 as I am....We are not slim by any means of the imagination. In fact we are very close to being obese...Very,very close"

I came here to say that someone will be along shortly to announce that a size 10 is in fact obese but I see I was too late. Good old MN.

*life I don't know where laugh came from.

How can anyone say its sexist or offensive, or even not offensive without context?

I know. Some people are tripping over themselves in the race to deem it offensive, with no context at all.

And since the OP couldn't be bothered to hang around for five minutes, they'll probably continue with the insults.

I'm never offended by the truth. I'm fat and I just don't understand why people who are fat, like me, get all upset if someone mentions it. If they are being mean about it or mocking, that's different, but a simple statement of fact is not hurtful. If you have broad shoulders, that could be a good thing. Like Xena, warrior princess.

If you don't have, or you think he was doing this to put you down, then he's negging and that is the pathetic action of an inadequate man to try and get your attention because he fancies you and hopes you ruin your self esteem so you have a low enough bar for him to be in with a chance.

In neither case should you feel down about it. It's either not a problem or it's his problem. But not yours.

I don’t think people should comment on the appearance of others without direct invitation. Unless maybe they are 3 or something.

I’ve got broad shoulders and always been quite “proud” of that, although nothing I’ve done to cause that!

Depends on the context. At a suit fitting? Sure, that's fine. But other than that I can't really think why he would say it, unless it was actually a conversation about body shapes? Equally, even if he said "you have a tall, lithe figure", that's creepy as well!

I'd be offended but I'm really sensitive and he probably didn't mean anything negative

I like my broad shoulders. Better to beat you up with.

I dunno what 'Big built' means: does he mean fat?
Oh well, some men love extra love handles and others think it's ok to comment on their random thoughts that they see as mere facts (DS will be an offender). Before taking offence you need to at least ask what those words meant in his head.

Is this MN bingo?

OP, I too hate the strange remarks I get about my appearance.

Comments like Have you lost weight? when I haven't or I'm glad you've put on weight when I haven't.

Your legs are really short. Yes I'm a human effing dachshund.

Or I'd guess you were a 36D - wrong, 32 C since you're asking.

You're well-built - yep, I'm fat too.

I am a whopping size 34 or 36. I am obviously obese.

Size is just a number. These people are twats.

To the pp who said that UK14 is a US 10, good luck with clothes shopping.

Trust me - I meant US 14 is UK 10.

I meant the other way round. I'm a 2 in Gap.