Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I a terrible mother for hoping nurseries go back soon?!

230 replies

MrsMuffins · 01/05/2020 12:22

Is anyone else reaching the end of their tether with lockdown childcare and hoping childcare settings reopen soon?! DS is at nursery, and even though I’m nervous about the virus, I feel that the overall risk is small and he is missing out on so much - socially especially. He is bored of me, I’m doing my best but he is so hard to keep amused, I feel like I’m just biding time between meltdowns.

I would find it hard having him at home full-time anyway, even if everything was normal, let alone coping in lockdown!

OP posts:
TrufflyPig · 02/05/2020 07:47

I have two nursery aged kids. I’ll be cracking open the gin when they reopen!!

Sipperskipper · 02/05/2020 08:10

Why is it so taboo to enjoy a little time away from your children? I’m pretty much a SAHM, working v part time. I love being with DD most of the time, but also love her 2 mornings a week at preschool, as does she. Lockdown isn’t reflective of normal life, as PP have said. Not being able to meet and mix with others is hard, popping to the shops together, little farm trips / swimming etc - all the things that add to life, and break up the week are currently gone.

Being at home together 24/7 (bar a local daily walk) without seeing anyone else for weeks on end is hard, and isn’t that much fun.

DogBowlSpaghetti · 02/05/2020 08:13

@sparkli

So we’ve established you’re lacking in the relevant experience to comment?

SAHM I can do. Work I can do. Both at the same time. No.

DogBowlSpaghetti · 02/05/2020 08:14

And a night out Grin.... I haven’t had a night out since I had my son! I don’t want a night out. I want to keep my salary coming in!

UnspeakableBode · 02/05/2020 08:15

@sparkli being a stay at home parent is a priveledge many cant afford. I also live in an ex-council house, my husband drives an old banger and we havent been on holiday since our honeymoon in 2017. I still need to work to be able to afford these things! In normal circumstances I would love to be able to spend extended time with my child. The difference at the moment is that I am working a stressful job while looking after a 19 month old. There is nowhere to take him. Its a struggle to keep him stimulated while I do what I need to do to keep food on the table. I have no access to any support network because of lockdown. Unless you have essentially been a full time working parent while simultaneously been a full time stay at home parent your experience doesn't really compare.
You are very lucky to have been able to afford to not work and spend 20 years caring for your children. Recognise the privileged position you are in and stop judging others for not being able to afford that priveledge. As many of us have said we are looking forward to childcare opening because it is beneficial for them because at the moment they are at home with parents who are unable to give them 100% attention due to having to work.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/05/2020 08:18

@sparkli maybe think a bit before you type and stop being so judgy. It's not your concern whether people choose to be a SAHP or work. I was a SAHP for 4 years and now I'm a working parent, and juggling work and home responsibilities is far more difficult.

TrufflyPig · 02/05/2020 08:22

I’m actually looking forward to just being able to properly clean my house Grin

Between trying to work and do childcare (neither very successfully) the place has turned into steptoe’s yard!

Runningfar · 02/05/2020 09:02

I actually find this thread sad. Generations before us managed to look after their pre schoolers full time, without all the tech that makes our lives so much easier. Why bother having children if you don't want to look after them? Don't get me wrong, i understand the need for a night out, or a wee bit of time to yourself, but I truly don't get why you'd want to palm your children off on others for most of the day.

Sparkli, I'm sure it's been said time and time again. It isn't necessarily looking after children that people are finding hard, it's being in these particular circumstances. We can't do the things we might usually do such as go to a playground, go to a toddler group, meet a friend, go swimming, get on a bus/train and go into town even pop to the shops easily (I'm sure you understand). Some people haven't even got a garden.

To add to that, many of us are also still having to work at the same time as looking after our dc.

Please stop making this situation into a stick to beat working parents with for goodness sake. Do you think men do this to each other?

I honestly don't know why people care so much how other people live there lives. It's of absolutely no consequence to you.

FYI my dc are school age but I love love love being with them the awesome albeit annoying humans that they are. But given the choice we'd go out once a day.

Namesgonenow · 02/05/2020 09:19

@sparkli has been deliberately obtuse. They have - deliberately - turned this into a SAHP vs WOHP matter. They have done so to wind people up. Sparkli knows that this is not a thread about childcare versus staying at home. Sparkli knows we are in a pandemic. Sparkli knows paeents are having to on numerous occasions do 100% work and 100% childcare/schooling at home. Sparkli knows that people are dying and diseased. Sparkli knows there is no access to a village of help. Sparkli knows that places to go out to are closed. Sparkli knows that parents are stuck indoors indefinitely with strict exceptions and that they are balancing large team meetings and deadlines whilst doing home education and childcare whilst being knotted up in anxiety and money worries and devoid of any social support.

Sparkli knows these things.

Sparkli has still made this about WOHP and SAHP and brought in tired, loaded rhetoric like “palming off”. Amidst a pandemic.

Sparkli is being a dick.

Runningfar · 02/05/2020 09:28

Ugh I know, it's tiresome isn't it? Don't know why I take the bait. Can't reason with a dick.

Tanith · 02/05/2020 10:01

“ nurseries are a recent phenomenon ”

No, they’re not. The first nurseries and kindergartens opened in the 18th Century for parents who worked.
The first UK nursery, in the early 19th Century, took children from a year old.
Childminders and “dames” have been around a lot longer than that.

Tanith · 02/05/2020 10:04

GoldenOmber “ Can’t speak for others, but I wanted to get into Legoland.”

Grin
Wowthisisreal · 02/05/2020 10:16

@Namesgonenow 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

1Micem0use · 02/05/2020 10:17

Hehe

Am I a terrible mother for hoping nurseries go back soon?!
Tumbleweed101 · 02/05/2020 10:25

We’re still open for key worker children and it has been very strange with the low numbers. The children seemed to find it odd at first too but there is a real family feel to it now as
It’s the same staff and children most days. Lockdown is working on colds at least - I’ve not had a single runny nose to wipe in any age group for weeks!

We’re looking forward to everyone coming back though but social distancing with this age group is impossible so there will be risk to staff, children and their parents when we open fully. Obviously hand washing, cleaning etc is all in place.

Hadenoughfornow · 02/05/2020 10:33

I would not put my child into nursery or school if I felt it were unsafe.

At this time, i dont believe this to be the case, so i would be happy for them to go.

If the evidence changes then I will reassess.

Thedogshow · 02/05/2020 10:38

Haven’t read the whole thread but YES! Can’t wait for nurseries to go back. I love my preschoolers so much but it’s relentless having them at home all the time. I love parenting a lot more when it’s not 24/7.
And can get no work done at all with youngest at home.

Ilovecats14 · 02/05/2020 16:05

No. I would never put my sons life at risk. He is safe at home.

geojojo · 02/05/2020 16:16

I understand. My son is loving not having preschool though. He is such a homebody and hated going. Apart from seeing grandparents this is ideal for him. He is due to start school in September so he won't be going back to preschool which is sad in some ways, I am loving having this time with him before school but it is very relentless.

Original poster
MrsMuffins · 02/05/2020 16:17

@Ilovecats14 but that’s not sustainable! You can’t keep him at home forever, and the virus isn’t going anywhere. Also, for the vast majority of children, they won’t even have any significant symptoms, let alone be ill enough that their lives are at risk.

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 02/05/2020 16:19

It’s also a really shitty thing to say. Implying that other mothers are putting their kids’ lives at risk.

sotiredwe · 02/05/2020 16:34

No. I would never put my sons life at risk. He is safe at home.

Let's hope all the paramedics, nurses, doctors etc don't think the same.

Or all the retail staff/delivery drivers/pickers who are ensuring I can order food safely from the comfort of my home.

HeyBlaby · 02/05/2020 16:44

My son has significant issues around speech and communication with his peers, I really hope they open before September when he is due to start school.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/05/2020 17:13

@Ilovecats14 sending a child to nursery isn't putting their life at risk. As has been pointed out many times, the risk to children from coronavirus is absolutely minute.

MotherofPearl · 02/05/2020 17:21

OP, I have not read the whole thread, but YADNBU. I am climbing the walls trying to WFH with a 3 year old. She will be back at nursery the second they open. She is missing her friends too, and needs to get some proper mental stimulation.