Am I a terrible mother for hoping nurseries go back soon?!

[MrsMuffins]

Is anyone else reaching the end of their tether with lockdown childcare and hoping childcare settings reopen soon?! DS is at nursery, and even though I’m nervous about the virus, I feel that the overall risk is small and he is missing out on so much - socially especially. He is bored of me, I’m doing my best but he is so hard to keep amused, I feel like I’m just biding time between meltdowns.

I would find it hard having him at home full-time anyway, even if everything was normal, let alone coping in lockdown!

Totally with you here! I have a 3 year old and a 16 month old who are both normally in nursery full time. Luckily my work are being fab as I haven't been furloughed and obviously they aren't getting much from me!

Did teachers sign up for it icecream? What about the staff who work in supermarkets? The delivery drivers? The ushers at court centres?

And unless they’re infectious disease specialists, I’m not sure I agree NHS staff signed up for it.

So what’s your solution if nurseries can never go back because it’s too risky for staff?

Those for whom the risk is intolerable can resign as they’ll be out of a job anyway if the nurseries don’t open soon, but I think there are plenty who are willing to continue to remain in their employment, and they should be able to as and when the govt gives the green light

There are measures put in place to comply with social distancing in most jobs.
My nursery has stated that there will be no distancing or ppe.
I have an underlying condition which makes me likely to become very ill or die from this, a condition I work through everyday to ensure the needs of my children are met and have done for over 20 years.
Should I just resign? Lose my house?
I understand that some people will need to be back at work but some won't.
The fewer children we have the more managable the risk will be.

You are not a terrible mother, and I feel the same way.

DS is nearly 4 and I'm really concerned he's missing out. He's due to start school in September so I'm trying my best to make play educational but I am no substitute for the professionals! He is also FULL ON and what I wouldn't give for a day just vegging out on the sofa and reading a book uninterrupted.

I really hope they go back by end of may. I have been furloughed until the scheme ends and a month of peace would do me good 😂

I agree with you. The kids are bored too. They are missing their friends and activities.

I’m sorry to hear that about your health goldenpoppy but furlough won’t go on much past June, so if fewer children go there are fewer jobs as nurseries won’t be able to afford to keep all their staff if they only have fees from a third of children.

Again, what is your solution?

While I understand your concern, don’t think other professions have it easy in terms of social distancing and PPE. That’s not the case at all.

The employment position of shielding people once lockdown ends is going to be a total nightmare. Sadly I suspect a fair few may find themselves out of a job as most employers aren’t going to keep them on till they’re vaccinated, I doubt the govt will pay their wages given the financial situation, but many will consider the risk to their health to be too great to return. It’s a very big problem going way beyond nurseries.

I really hope they go back by end of may. I have been furloughed until the scheme ends and a month of peace would do me good 😂

Glad you find my worries about my health amusing.
This has genuinely upset me.

If nurseries don't open soon I probably will not have a job.Its all very well saying don't go back until a vaccine but if that's the case their will be no nurseries to go back to.

Plus a lot of nurseries are not getting the 80% for their furloughed staff so are having to pay most of the staff from their own monies.They will not be able to this for long so will either have to close completely or make redundancies.

I much prefer being at home with my small children to rushing out in the mornings and paying for childcare while I do my stressful job.
But I know this is an unusual situation and cannot last. But for now I am happy.

@GoldenPoppy I don’t think that was the poster laughing at your health whatsoever, they were just replying to the main question of this thread. I totally hear you, and massively sympathise with the awful situation you’re in. But you must also recognise that your situation is fairly unusual, and that it can’t influence the reality for thousands of parents, children, and nursery workers who aren’t high risk.

Unfortunately keeping nurseries closed and staying in lockdown until there is a vaccine isn’t a solution - whilst this is the only way that you would be fully protected, it’s not feasible for everyone else to remain under these conditions in the long term. We have to find a way to live with Covid - it’s not going anywhere, it’s extremely unlikely we’ll have a vaccine any time soon, and so we have to take managed risks in order to get back to any kind of ‘normal’.

If you're a terrible mother for wanting nurseries back then I think most of the country must be too. I cant wait, a break for me but also socialisation and stimulation for him! I think he's sick of the sight on my husband and I!

I desperately want my DS back at nursery. A little time apart makes my heart grow so much fonder....

Right now I feel that I'm at a real risk of starting to resent my DS and am massively failing at motherhood.

@dietcoker our nursery (private) has remained open for children of key workers too (we’re not KW). We’re in East Anglia. Nursery asked all parents to pay fees in full for April but that we will not be charged again until they reopen for everyone.

I’d send DS (3) back in a heartbeat too, he’s wonderful, cheeky and adorable but he and his sister (6) are driving each other insane. Add to that DH started a new full-time job 2 weeks ago and both he and I are trying to work from home (me part-time) whilst juggling keeping the kids entertained, getting DD to do her school work, keeping on top of the additional mess in the house and generally trying to stay sane.

The final straw was last week when DS decided, having shown no interest at all previously, that he wanted to wear “big boy pants” one morning. 6 accidents in the space of 4 hours later and the nappies were back on!

As a nursery practitioner myself, I can’t wait for nursery to go back!

You keep talking about risk OP but based on you’re posts I am convinced you don’t fully understand the risks.

The arguments for mental health and socialisation and getting back to work are valid ones and quite rightly, should be included in the discussion.

However, it greatly worries me that other parts of the argument are being ignored or at least pushed to the side, in the desire for a lot of posters to return back to normal. Wouldn’t we all?

The risk you keep referring to involves your nursery aged child, who we have established is equally at risk of contracting and spreading the virus as an adult is. If you and other parents are struggling with lockdown at the moment, albeit with physically healthy children, could you imagine how much harder it would be, to be having your sick child at home coupled with not possibly having the ability to work from home (because if nurseries and schools go back, employers would be next in requiring people to physically go back to work as a majority) and then see how much worse it can get for you, inside your ‘four walls’.

I don’t think anyone is saying ‘never go back’ indefinitely including those mentioning a vaccine but those on this thread, including you OP, who want to go back ASAP are being short sighted. Lockdowns are extremely difficult and majorly affect MH, hence the reluctance in calling for lockdown in the first place (Yet the govt is currently getting a hammering on Mumsnet for not doing lockdown sooner - I didn’t vote for this govt btw), despite the fact of many posts like yours, being evidence that lockdowns have horrendous side effects that must also be considered.

You were not unreasonable to think the way you do OP it is stressful and claustrophobic and souls destroying but you are a little unreasonable to start more posts about it on Mumsnet, considering it doesn’t matter what I or anyone else says on this thread as none of what we say will actually make a difference on whether nurseries open or not.

Just think about all that you are currently having to go through, plus one or more of your family being incredibly sick with Covid-19 and instead, count your lucky stars you are not having to experience that, in addition.

Nope, the instant they announce they're going to re-open I'm booking a day off and going to sleep!

@CaveMum I realise that some nurseries are open for kids of key workers but @DamnShesaSexyChick has said that her nursery is open "as normal" not just for kids of key workers.........sorry have I misread that?!

The risk you keep referring to involves your nursery aged child, who we have established is equally at risk of contracting and spreading the virus as an adult is

How has that been “established”? The scientific position is unclear due to conflicting evidence and more research is needed I thought - or at least that’s what the briefing said today.

By the way I am not sending mine back even if it opens because I’m pregnant so I’m not one of those chomping at the bit because I want to send my DC back.

@neverender

👍 me too! Can’t wait

Considering the way the furlough for nursery staff has gone..from what understand my nursery is using their own funds now or something to pay us or or part of it...then think they'll be hoping the same as well. Otherwise wont be nurseries to go back to.

Russellbrandshair if the Chinese is open then, I have a plan - I'm going to order everything, have it delivered and eat it in bed too...

How has that been “established”? The scientific position is unclear due to conflicting evidence and more research is needed I thought - or at least that’s what the briefing said today.

Ok. Up until the Lancet research yesterday, there was very little evidence of children catching and spreading the virus as much as adults (mainly because they had been mostly in lockdown in homes and was mainly just from Iceland) and therefore, lots of assertions were made that they were low risk. Hence a lot of threads and posts on Mumsnet (including this thread)

The research that came out yesterday was significant because it came from China (although I acknowledge plenty don’t trust what comes out from there) and they have had longer to conduct studies from this and their findings were significant and reported in the U.K.

My point is that it has been established that it is not certain that children under 10 are low risk.

I too welcome further research. However, I think the assumption children are low risk as a solid argument for going back ASAP is therefore dicey.

I personally think we should wait for more research for balance.

That sounds heavenly!

Could those of you who are saying that the furlough for nursery staff has gone, please tell me where you that information?