Am I a terrible mother for hoping nurseries go back soon?!

[MrsMuffins]

Is anyone else reaching the end of their tether with lockdown childcare and hoping childcare settings reopen soon?! DS is at nursery, and even though I’m nervous about the virus, I feel that the overall risk is small and he is missing out on so much - socially especially. He is bored of me, I’m doing my best but he is so hard to keep amused, I feel like I’m just biding time between meltdowns.

I would find it hard having him at home full-time anyway, even if everything was normal, let alone coping in lockdown!

@MrsMuffins haha I work in the under 2’s and had so many messages to ask how we cope and keep them occupied! the resources and space definitely help but you definitely have to love the job itself! X

www.workingmums.co.uk/childcare-providers-concerned-about-furlough-guidance-changes/

@TazSyd didnt mean gone as completely gone just that the rules have changes somewhat.. or something.

I hear you.

My twins are 3.5, both disabled. Nursery is our only respite and I am massively struggling - I have health issues myself including chronic pain and fatigue and very little sleep thanks to DT2. And physically I am broken - I have a longterm back issue since they were babies and I hadn’t realised how much the three days a week they do at nursery makes a different to that. Without any respite from lifting them I’m completely screwed and in so much pain.

Our nursery owner is wonderful and has said that she and another member of staff will take them for an afternoon whenever we need but so far I’ve resisted as I’m so worried about DH and I getting sick and how hard it will be to manage them as we share the load as much as we can. If it goes on much longer I won’t have much choice though - I won’t be able to care for them if I can’t move!

Could those of you who are saying that the furlough for nursery staff has gone, please tell me where you that information?

It hasn’t gone but the govt have really screwed nurseries over. Instead of the 80% furlough claim every other company can make (even if still open and generating income), nurseries can only claim the percentage of the pay bill equating to the percentage of their income which comes from parents.

So if their income (not profit) is usually made up of 50% LA funding and 50% parents payments, they’ll be down 50% of income and can only claim 50% of the pay bill for furloughed staff.

@sinkgirl

I understood they were still able to claim their free hours?

We do need to think about the people that staff nurseries too - how will the risk to them and their families be managed? How will the sector cope with a sudden spike in staff sickness, guaranteed if a large amount of children return at once. It's not as simple as lifting a lockdown. It will require careful monitoring and management.

@SinkGirl

The link that @LetsGoFlyAKiteee shared above said that nurseries can still claim their free hours and can claim furlough payments for the private fees.

This seems to be in line with other publicly funded organisations.

As a mother of an 18, 21 & 25 year old (first and last still at home ) .. all with full time work from home or furloughed in part time jobs .. can I just say from our point of complete comfort that I feel for you and completely understand your concerns.

We are all in this together? Are we fuck!! We are all sailing the same sea in a storm.. whilst some of us are on a luxury liner with stabilisers whilst some are in pedalos!

For you Op I really hope it's over soon.

Ds will be aT nursery the day they open. He is 2 and is in desperate need of social interaction with other children. For me, this outweighs the risk.

I'm pregnant and trying to wfh with a 3 1/2 year old who wanted my attention 20 seconds before he demanded it. He is driving me insane. DH and I both taking it in turns to work, I am worried I won't get to go back to work before baby comes, I will be rocking in a corner somewhere my little boy thrives at nursery and I am a better mother for being able to go to work.

And I know I'm not cut out to be a stay at home mother or a nursery worker. Both deserve medals and gin / wine / chocolate.

"The link that @LetsGoFlyAKiteee shared above said that nurseries can still claim their free hours and can claim furlough payments for the private fees."

The issue with the funded hours is firstly that, for years, the scheme has been underfunded so it doesn't cover fees for many providers.
Also, when the Chancellor made his announcement that providers could still claim the funding, he said that applied to all providers, whether open or closed.
That's now been changed. LAs have been withholding funding from providers if keyworker children have gone to other nurseries or childminders. I have this situation myself: we've taken on children who were at a nursery that closed. The funding has therefore moved from the nursery to us. It's caused a real problem for nurseries that were following the original guidelines, expecting to be able to pay their staff.
At least one LA has withheld a percentage from all providers for administration costs - that's being challenged, too.

That problem was exacerbated because they waited until last minute before telling everyone that the rules had been changed. Hence the furious response of the nurseries, many of whom were struggling before all this hit due to the chronic underfunding I mentioned.

Ok thanks. Just concerned that mine won’t stay open after all this. My DD is very settled at her nursery - maybe a selfish way of looking at it.

Not selfish at all: you've built up a relationship with the nursery. Of course you want it too stay open.

DD has been at nursery throughout and I have never been so grateful for doing the job that I do . I massively struggle at the weekend with being unable to go anywhere with her.

So when do we think they will reopen?

SinkGirl flowers x x x

Thanks neverender - we are all well which is the main thing, doesn’t mean it’s easy day to day but we will find a way through!

Doesn’t help that I’m currently taking our LA to tribunal over their ridiculous EHCPs - today I had to scan and log over 200 pages of evidence so I can write an argument over this weekend while DH is off work when what I really want to do is lie in a dark room for 48 hours 😂

@TazSyd ahhh didnt mean to worry you! I dont think it will happen just worse worse worse worse case. Know nursery I work at are just hoping can re open soon so kinda not selfish from their view and definitely not selfish from a parent view either.

No worries! We’ll manage if the worst comes to the worst but I was just interested to hear what was going on behind the scenes. We’ve bumped in to a couple of DDs nursery workers when we’ve been on our walks and they both said they were on furlough. I know they have stayed open and have taken key worker children from other nurseries, so perhaps that’s why.

Speaking more widely, I think Nurseries are an essential part of the economy. The vast majority of mothers work and it’s not realistic for mothers of small children to work from home whilst providing childcare indefinitely. Not sustainable for the families or the employers.

I'm actually mostly enjoying it and dreading them going back - but I'm "lucky" that I've been furloughed so don't have to juggle it with work any more.

My school aged DC I think would be happy never going back and doesn't seem to miss it at all almost 8 weeks later, and my younger one always hated the rush to get to nursery / work in the mornings etc, as did I, and took FOREVER to settle, plus his key worker only works term time, so I'm not looking forward to settling him back into nursery only to then resettle him with holiday staff, then settle him into school all in a few months. It's going to be a fucking pain.

Primary schools also provide essential childcare but as most of them are state funded they aren’t going to be hit as directly as nurseries.

Basically the single parents and two parents who both work are both reliant on childcare from the age of 1-11 if they want to work. Again, this might sound selfish but our life is based on two salaries. At the moment we’re lucky as I am wfh and DP is on furlough so he is doing the day time childcare.

We had a child on the basis that we’d both work from when she was 1. There are so many like us that I don’t see how the government can’t step in to help nurseries that need it. It has such an impact in the wider economy.

I'm also looking forward to DS going back to nursery. I feel terrible for saying it, and 50% doesn't mean it! But while I would kind of love being a SAHM I do NOT love being FT working woman with the FT caring responsibilities for a 15mo. It's relentless, and I have DH also WFH full time to share the load but we are knackered.

I'm worried we aren't paying enough attention to DS. I worry that the majority of his day he sees me looking at a screen and not him. I worry he isn't socialised like he should be, that he is going to regress. I worry we aren't doing enough to encourage his development.

By the time we come out of lockdown we will have been in LD as long as we were back in our working and childcare routine and I worry that the transition back will be difficult. I also worry that he is now at the age where he understands a little bit more but not enough for me to explain why things are happening. One day we just won't be with him every day any more and that hurts my heart. A lot actually.