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Original poster

Am I a terrible mother for hoping nurseries go back soon?!

230 replies

MrsMuffins · 01/05/2020 12:22

Is anyone else reaching the end of their tether with lockdown childcare and hoping childcare settings reopen soon?! DS is at nursery, and even though I’m nervous about the virus, I feel that the overall risk is small and he is missing out on so much - socially especially. He is bored of me, I’m doing my best but he is so hard to keep amused, I feel like I’m just biding time between meltdowns.

I would find it hard having him at home full-time anyway, even if everything was normal, let alone coping in lockdown!

OP posts:
DroppedBoxxedRuth · 01/05/2020 13:11

Yes, I think you are.

FFS this pandemic has really shown people's true colours.

There's a virus killing lots of people, for no reason some live and some die, and you can't wait to feck your ds out there 🙄

The posters saying their DC are happier in nursery/school, maybe take a look at why they're happier there than at home with their 'dp'.

Desmondo2016 · 01/05/2020 13:12

You're totally justified op. Im still sendng dd3 as I'm an out of the home key worker and occasionally she will be there when I don't start til 2pm or she'll be there til 5 when I wake up from a night at 12 so I'm getting a blissful few hours to myself. I'd be going nuts without work so I'm totally with you.

FilthyforFirth · 01/05/2020 13:14

Nope not a bad mum. I am desperate to send DS back and will do the minute it reopens. Also pregnant, suffering from HG and completely, completely overwhelmed trying to work and look after DS who is nearly 3.

FilthyforFirth · 01/05/2020 13:15

Feel better now @DroppedBoxxedRuth?

hammeringinmyhead · 01/05/2020 13:15

@DroppedBoxxedRuth

Interaction with peers? A much larger space to play in? Forest school? Different books to his own?

Kindly wind your neck in.

rottiemum88 · 01/05/2020 13:16

*Yes, I think you are.

FFS this pandemic has really shown people's true colours.

There's a virus killing lots of people, for no reason some live and some die, and you can't wait to feck your ds out there 🙄

The posters saying their DC are happier in nursery/school, maybe take a look at why they're happier there than at home with their 'dp'.*

Do fuck off.

june2007 · 01/05/2020 13:18

I hope we don,t go back too early. Nursery,s are a hot bed of germs at best of times. (and I work in them.)

Keeva2017 · 01/05/2020 13:18

It’s so hard. I don’t want to Increase the risk to my family but my daughter is absolutely suffering through this lockdown. Going back to nursery would do a lot to alleviate it. I’m so so torn.

Original poster
MrsMuffins · 01/05/2020 13:19

Oh this has made me feel so much better- @tawnygrisettes you’ve made me chuckle!

@DroppedBoxxedRuth assuming from your tone that you don’t have children?! It’s not the case that some die ‘for no reason’, it’s vastly more likely that those with pre-existing conditions, or who are very elderly, will suffer more severe symptoms. Which, whilst this is awful and I will continue to do my level best to shield these people, it doesn’t apply to myself, DH, or DS (thank god), so our risk is relatively low. Which is why I feel it would be, on balance, a justified decision to send DS back to nursery at some point, to stop us all running completely sodding insane.

OP posts:
Lala241280 · 01/05/2020 13:22

@DroppedBoxxedRuth

Are you for real
You really should read your post before putting it out there

Tanith · 01/05/2020 13:23

No, you're not and, believe me, we want them back Sad

I have three children who can see my back garden from their window. They can see the key worker children playing and they can't understand at all why they can't come and play, too. I wish they could. I seriously considered opening my garden to them at allotted times so they can socially distance, but I was told I wouldn't be insured to do that.

We meet up online and I see one or two of the parents looking at the end of their tether. I see the children loving even this little bit of contact with us. Other parents are thankfully leaving their child and grabbing a bit of peace and a cup of coffee, or working in the background.

I really do feel for all of you. You are not being selfish and you're not terrible mothers. Ignore anyone who tries to suggest that you are.

Pertella · 01/05/2020 13:25

Yeah, I've got no idea why people think it's better for children to be able to play with their friends rather than be stuck at home all day everyday. Tis a puzzler....

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/05/2020 13:28

@DroppedBoxxedRuth 9 children and teens under the age of 20 have died in the UK. Nine.

As far as a deadly virus goes, the risk to children is less than minimal.

Eeyoresstickhouse · 01/05/2020 13:29

I will be the first in the queue when they open! Working from home, with no garden with a 3 year old who is used to her routine and friends at childcare is hell on earth!

Marahute · 01/05/2020 13:30

I'd be OK with it going on for longer, if I only had the one child to look after. It's balancing the (often opposing!) needs of two that I am finding really difficult. The constantly feeling of letting one (or both!) of them down. If I just had one child to focus on then I would really be enjoying this time I think. As it is, while I am trying to enjoy the extra time with them (on the whole) it is also really hard and stressful. Mine are 3 and 1 so they're both really quite full on. I'm constantly shattered!

BlingLoving · 01/05/2020 13:34

With the conflicting evidence about children's rates of infection and how much they are likely to pass it on, I think that for schools, nurseries etc to open there is going to have to be some serious thought given to how to maintain this. But, personally, I think the sooner they can open them, the better - it's better for the children, it's better for parents and it's better for the economy.

However, what the solution is I couldn't say. I suspect over time we're going to find ourselves with a deeply segregated society - those of us considered relatively low risk and the rest who are not. Conceivably, in light of the breakdown of death by sex and ethnicity, these factors may be included in this segregation. Which is a scary thought for anyone.

One that I could see for children, but relies extremely heavily on families sticking to this, is that children go back to school if they aren't living with anyone considered high risk AND that any child who is at school needs to self isolate out of school and, where possible, their families need to continue to self isolate by WFH, limited external contact etc. But the sheer challenge of the practicalities of that are so huge, I have no idea how they do it.

BlingLoving · 01/05/2020 13:37

Also, I had to go out for the weekly shopping yesterday - DD has a complete meltdown because I was going out. I am seriously seriously concerned about the long-term impact on my children's MH and social skills. I'm hoping that because DD wants to go to school when it reopens she'll be okay but am terrified that we'll go from a little girl who had no problems skipping into school with her friends and teachers to one who is clinging to me and terrified....

FoxtrotSkarloey · 01/05/2020 13:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ.

riotlady · 01/05/2020 13:43

@DroppedBoxxedRuth listen, my child’s nursery has rooms full of toys and equipment, masses of outdoor space, specially trained professionals who love playing with kids, peers to play with, space to do ridiculous messy play activities like roll around in shaving foam and paint, a chef, and a rabbit called Mr Bubbles. If you expect me to be able to compete with all that, in a gardenless flat, while also trying to do a masters, you’re having a fucking laugh.

SoloMummy · 01/05/2020 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
MrsMuffins · 01/05/2020 13:53

@BlingLoving yes I am absolutely on the same page regarding their mental health. As it is, school is going to be an enormous transition for DS, who is extremely shy and not particularly sociable. Nursery really brings him out of himself and gets him used to playing and socialising with his peers, but I’m really concerned he’ll have taken a huge step back in lockdown. And the thought of him having to move to full-time school, from just 100% home with mummy and daddy, is awful. I’m desperate for him to regain some sort of ‘normal’ routine at nursery before we have to think about school!

OP posts:
Eastereggfan · 01/05/2020 13:53

Nope, hoping nursery opens asap. Both my husband and I are WFH with a 13 month DD. I feel guilty not spending time with her when I'm working and vice versa. Home and work and blending into one.

Branleuse · 01/05/2020 13:54

How are you supposed to know whether you can manage or cope with children until youve had them though Wink I definitely thought it would be easier than it is

BlingLoving · 01/05/2020 13:55

I have to say that this pandemic has really highlighted the parents who should not have had children.
So many cannot manage or cope with their own children.

This makes me laugh. DH is a brilliant SAHD and he "copes" just fine with the children. But he can't be all things to them all the time. During holidays, we arrange playdates at ours or at friends'. He takes them out to learn new skills, get different types of exercise, engage their brains in different ways. This is good for them and him. During lockdown, that's not possible. So parents who struggle aren't struggling because they don't know how to be with their kids. They're struggling because in the course of normal, healthy, functioning societies everyone a) gets a break and b) we try our damndest to provide variety of experience and opportunity to our children.

But then, people who think that it's "normal" for parents and their children to be together 24/7 in one house probably ALSO are the type who don't believe that if you're in a relationship you should need separate friendships, hobbies or interests.

GoldenOmber · 01/05/2020 13:56

So many cannot manage or cope with their own children.

I know, why on earth might I be struggling trying to do a WFH job at the same time as looking after small children when all opportunities for socialising them or taking them out of the house and immediate surroundings are shut and they’re losing out on family contact and socialisation, it is a total mystery. Must just be because I’m a shit mother.