Entitled mothers

[MerryDeath]

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

YANBU

We're lucky in this country that women even get maternity pay, leave etc. It wasn't always like this. I don't agree that they should get extra leave just because of furlough.

Yes that petition sounds entitled as fuck, but with people off on 80% pay the government should be able to tag on 3 months or so of SMP for women who are about to return to work during this pandemic no one should be forced to take unpaid leave we wouldn’t have been able to eat on unpaid as our council tax had been mis calculated due to a move we had to make so at 8months I all of a sudden had to pay 5x the amount of council tax I had been paying per month. I even returned to work early because of my council tax.
But either way, it’s not even £600 per month which despite what posters have been saying is not generous and we should NOT compare the UK with the USA and their too few weeks, as that’s a race to the bottom.
Also Neonatal leave is long over due and they should get a full SMP weeks worth of wages per week spent in NICU in my opinion, and SMP obviously could be higher and lets stop it with the 3 months unpaid as it made it horrible when we had to move out as no one wants to rent to a woman on maternity leave, even if the partners wages cover the rent by the 2.5x calculations.

Can I have time off as not had any yet? Perhaps I could start a petition for all those who have been working to have some extra holiday, paid for by government as we weren't off during CV period? 😄

YANBU, I’m due back to work off maternity leave in a month, however my work are currently closed so I can’t arrange a date or sort back to work days, and childcare settings are not open to arrange childcare - even with these issues, I certainly wouldn’t expect the government to pay me an extra 3 months for “missed opportunities for baby classes”! Everyone is a bit screwed money wise at the minute, we’re lucky the government has offered as much of a bail out as it has, in the end the money all has to come from somewhere.

M

@grisen agree that existing provision isn't that great anyway. It's better than it was, but we're significantly behind other Western democracies - discounting the USA ofc, same as the USA can be discounted in terms of most social policy as it is utterly unlike the UK in pretty much all regards.

It's better than it was, and it's certainly better than when I had my babies, but I found it difficult when I had my babies and I'm pleased it's a bit easier for women now.

I signed it but that is because both DH and I are key workers. Currently nurseries are closed, including to 'new children' of key workers (so even though we already have a place booked it doesn't matter, as babies have to have started already). So my baby has not had the opportunity to settle in at nursery and may not be able to start when I go back to work.
With current lockdown restrictions, families members can't help with childcare.
Hopefully when the time comes I will be able to try and WFH.

Fwiw I think the 'missed opportunity for baby classes' thing is bullshit, I just want the extra time off to try and work out childcare if work can't accommodate WFH.

What this petition comes down to is “I’m having a harder time than pre lockdown and I feel I’ve been cheated of a few months of what I was expecting”.

Same for absolutely everyone.

Do we all get an extra 3 months’ paid leave at the end of this? To make up for the lack of support, social life, wider family help and bonding we are all missing right now?

Amatteroftime if parents cannot get childcare then employers are going to need to be understanding, the way they currently have to be for their employees who have children and are not on maternity leave.

(Some are more understanding than others and perhaps there will need to be more official govt rules about what employers can expect of those with small children).

I don’t think extending mat leave is the right answer as that doesn’t help all those currently trying to work with a baby or small child at home. It would be unfair to solve a childcare issue for those just off mat leave and not for those who’ve been struggling with it all along.

minipie I do agree, unfortunately my employer has been absolutely crap (for lack of a better word) the whole time I have been off which has really added to my concerns about returning to work. To the point where I've been told that I have good grounds for unfair dismissal if I didn't return - but I don't want to go through all of that hullabaloo. Just hoping returning can be as easy as possible but I don't trust them to support me well.

I agree with what you said said though and I hope that they will allow me to WFH as they have had to do for others now.

I have some sympathy. I live in London and have no family or friends with babies nearby. When I had my first son I knew nothing about babies snd had virtually no support network. Going out and meeting other mums saved me. It really did. Without it i would really have struggled. It would have been better with my partner at home too but not significantly.

My second son was better as I had a bit of a network. So in some cases I understand the frustration.

I'm going to sound like an ancient old hag.

I'm 50. When I had my dc I had 4 months off, then 6 months off the second time. There was no baby sensory or baby yoga - I'm not dismissing or belittling those who take these classes, they sound lovely and great for bonding, passing time and meeting new friends.

But I can tell you with authoritythat you absolutely don't need huge swathes of time with your babies and all these activities in order to bond with your kids and have well adjusted teens and YAs. One of my kids is a rocket scientist and the other is the CEO of an international charity. The last sentence is a lie but you get my gist.

Much love to everyone struggling right now whether on mat leave or otherwise x

There are alot of different opinions on here i am currently on mat leave and have had to extend unpaid due to current situation
I am wondering if by some mirrical this got passed (i dont for a second think it will) would the people here who say its wrong take it or go back to work

I’d assume everyone entitled would take it - by that stage the money would already be allocated to it and the chance it could go somewhere where people are more deserving would be lost, so there’d be no point being a martyr as it wouldn’t achieve anything. It’s not really the point though is it. Everyone is going to want to do the best thing for them/their families, but the government is responsible for doing the best thing for the country as a whole, which this isn’t.

should be able to tag on 3 months or so of SMP for women who are about to return to work during this pandemic see I'd be more in support of it being linked to people teaching the end og 9 months during the lockdown, and bringing forward the prem baby arrangements

I'm probably going to get jumped on but here we go..

I am one of those 'deluded and Entitled' people you speak of.

I, like many others, tried a long time for my baby with alot of heartache along the way. When I was finally lucky enough to become pregnant I spent the whole 9 months dreaming and planning how I was going to spend my maternity leave. What groups we would go to, where we would go for days out or even just smalls things as in picnics in the park. Now when my baby was born I unfortunately (like many others) suffered with Pnd and it took a few months for me to even be able to leave the house. By the time myself and my dc got the chance to go out and about due to my mental health this Lockdown happened. Do not get me wrong, I am more than happy / grateful for my families health and that is thw most important thing. However, by the time this is all over I will be back in work and would have missed out on all those lovely plans I had.

Please do not be so harsh when you don't know what goes on in people's lives.

However, by the time this is all over I will be back in work and would have missed out on all those lovely plans I had.

Same for pretty much everyone though.

This is not how I thought my sons first year in primary school would go. Not how I wanted the last few years of my parents lives to be like.

I’d just, after years and years, managed to reduce my hours (4 days) in a job I love. I’d finally got that balance right. Now, that job will almost certainly go in the next few months and I have little idea how to pay our mortgage.

Why should those on maternity leave have a right to additional government money, when everyone’s lives are being turned upside down and the country will be on its knees financially?

Can’t you see how entitled that looks?

Sorry no I don't.

You had your maternity leave.

I've paid into the system with having nothing back. So if there might be an option of me having abit of help from the government what's wrong with that?

I really don't feel that myself and people in my situation should be called entitled or delusional for wanting to spend extra prescious time that we've longed for.

So if there might be an option of me having abit of help from the government what's wrong with that?

Erm, because the vast swathes of the population who have already been made redundant and will be in the next year will need it more? We’ve all paid into the system. I wonder how much help that will be to me when I can’t pay the mortgage?

You have had your maternity too. I’m sorry it wasn’t the picture perfect experience you’d hoped for, but to be honest it often isn’t. No one has had the perfect experience they were hoping for the past few months. You aren’t an exception on that front.

Your damn lucky you have a job to go back to frankly.

And I’m going to stop now before I say something I regret.

@Birchgirl how have you had “nothing back”?? Guessing you gave birth in an NHS hospital, and are now receiving maternity pay while thousands in this country have lost their jobs and their homes. Children are literally starving and you’re gutted because you can’t go out for some coffees. It is rubbish for you, but it’s so so much worse for so many others.

Sorry no I don't.
You had your maternity leave.

I spend the whole of my maternity leave dealing with a sickly baby, he was at hospital 4 times and needed constant attention to avoid him chocking with his own larynge. I didn’t even have time to my PND, it was not diagnosed until a year later, so yes, I think you are looking entitled, very much and I don’t know why you think you should be paid to stay out of work enjoying a baby when there are thousands of NHS people who are not going to be allowed to take any extra holidays to make up for all the time they are spending not taking babies to baby classes, but saving people.

Honestly, those groups are for the mums, babies are not interested one iota in other babies and have enough toys at home.

However, by the time this is all over I will be back in work and would have missed out on all those lovely plans I had.

But I know loads of people who have had lovely plans ruined. Plans to visit family who live abroad (a friend of mine who hardly ever sees her family in Australia), plans for the holiday of a lifetime (my in-laws who had saved for ages for a big holiday in America), wedding plans (my cousin who is due to get married in June). I feel for all of them, and for you. My maternity leave ended three weeks before the lockdown and I suffered very badly from PND which lockdown, full time wfh and looking after a 10 month old is exacerbating. I totally understand how much PND has an impact on maternity leave but lovely plans being ruined isn't a reason for three months extra of paid leave.

I've paid into the system with having nothing back.

Err you’ve got your baby. Presumably you have been spending ‘precious time’ with your baby? Or has Covid 19 kept you apart