Entitled mothers

[MerryDeath]

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

umpteentimes You have hit the nail on the head

I thought the problem was that nurseries are closed and so there is no one to take care of their children when they go back to work. Are nurseries reopening?

@sallysparrow157 the problem is the more serious reasons haven’t been mentioned in the petition.
The petition asks to extend Mat leave because mums can’t take babies to baby classes which are “vital for development”. First off, they’re not, the vast bulk of babies never went and don’t go, and second of all that was the only reason given. So it looks like a pathetic petition.

Are you a nurse? I’m sorry you’re going to have to put your family at risk on the front line. It sounds tough for you right now. Problem is it’s tough for so many. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone of taking it if it’s given, and my sister gave birth to my niece 6 weeks back - I’ve only seen her through the car in her car seat, as have one set of her grandparents, the other is too far away, so I fully understand the issue of not seeing family. She’s growing rapidly and we’ve all missed it, it’s horrible.
But she will meet us all eventually and we will be able to form a bond, as your children will with their grandparents. Families with older children also can’t get help from family and friends right now. I just don’t think extending paid mat leave is going to help the country in the slightest right now. And it could be the final straw for some businesses.

SMP is 9 months. You can then choose to take OML (extra 3 months, unpaid). Often you can add accrued annual leave on at the end as well.

Asking for more leave - and to be paid for it - is just a piss take.

I'd be interested to know who started this awful petition and see how much she understands about maternity leave.

Funded by who exactly? Struggling businesses on the line of bankruptcy?

Yes, I saw this last week and was pretty staggered at the tone-deaf entitlement of it.

Hampsand, most of the time people have friends and family around who can help when they’re surviving on minimal sleep etc. Or if they don’t they didn’t from the start so potentially it would have been even more important they build a social circle of other families during mat leave. Whereas currently we have gone from being able to visit grandparents, my friend down the road being happy to have them for a few hours so we could sleep/do housework etc, being able to go for a drive/day out when they were grumpy and so on to being stuck in the house with no idea when we may have even just a friend pop over to cuddle a baby for half an hour so I can drink my tea whilst it’s still hot! I don’t give a toss about baby sensory, I don’t post anything about mat leave on Facebook but the last few weeks have been an awful lot harder than the previous months.

I wonder whether some people signing the petition are just really really struggling themselves? I don’t agree with extending and certainly not paid, but I do think that a lot of new Mums are having a very hard time right now and we should try to be supportive in other ways. The first few months are bloody hard and I would have struggled terribly without having the support of friends and family, planned outings each day to keep myself sane, contact with other new Mums. The networks you build during maternity leave are important and people will be struggling to compensate for that. There’s probably a lot more PND around than usual just now so even if we disagree we should try to be kind!

yanbu. women can take unpaid leave, annual leave or additional parental leave if they want more time at home at this time when we are heading into a 5 year recession.

YANBU. Maybe they should do nice things at home with their babies instead? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t get the issue they’re still home spending time with their babies, not like they’ve been called up to war! Bloody ridiculous and we’ll be paying for this for years to come.

What is much more likely is next to pay for the various state programmes of CV19 in the UK is wages will be cut including in the public sector and tax will go up for everyone.

@sallysparrow157 ah okay so it's 3 months off paid because they're tired, and people can't help look after the children they chose to have, got it.

YANBU

I've seen some discussion about this on FB local groups, both threads I've seen, the comments have had to be turned off as it got out of control!

The petition is fair enough, we all have a right to petition something we believe in, however, I really do not agree with 3 months extended PAID mat leave.

Sure, take 3 months of unpaid leave at the end of your ML, but I think it's unreasonable to expect the government & therefore taxpayers to fund this.

It's unfortunate for new mums that there ML has fallen at a time when we are under lockdown, but many many other people have not been able to do things they were expecting to do.

Others are in a far worse position, having lost their jobs/livelihoods and friends/family members have passed away due to Covid-19

Even if things get back to 'normal' soon, what guarantee will there be that those "3 extra months of ML" will be any different to how things are now? will mums be happy to gather with many others with young babies?

I think, from a wider perspective, people are going to be very cautious about social interaction with others who are not family/close friends.

I accept it's a rubbish situation, but women on ML are not the only ones missing out.

There's a lot to be said for just being grateful to be able to spend the time at home with family, maybe have partner/husband spending more time at home (whether WFH or having been furloughed) & hopefully everyone being in good health.

I remember that thread about a mother on maternity leave resenting her toddler because of lockdown..WHY have another child if you can't or don't want to look after them equally.
Agree that 'mother and baby' groups are often about 'one upmanship'

''Petal is sleeping right through the night at 6 weeks''

''Archie is super bright! He knows his numbers already, and can write his name, and is WONDERFUL with this one! Not remotely jealous''

'' Milo took to breastfeeding IMMEDIATELY. with the most perfect latch..I have so much milk, and it wasn't at all painful''

''Amelia is such a GOOD baby, and so pretty, she has her own followers on Instagram''

''My Husband has just had his bonus, so we don't know wether to buy a BMW or Range Rover Discovery Sport''

&c&c.

Baby classes are The worst.

We didn’t go to a group until he was 12 months, no one even spoke to us anyway.

Over rated and germy.

Astounded no-one else has brought this up but....

NICU parents don't get extended paid time off.

Sorry...but if a preemie mum has to sit and stare at her baby in an incubator for 6 months to then only have 3 months left of leave, I'm pretty sure your entitled ass can survive without goddam baby sensory.

Bloody good point, @DontBeNastyAveAPasty.

It was slightly cringe inducing reading comments about the petition, people saying they've missed out on socialising their babies, not being able to go to baby sensory etc

The whole point of the new mum groups is to meet other mums/parents and I accept they have missed out on this aspect, but babies do not need endless social interaction, they are happy enough being with mum & dad, and any siblings

It's ridiculous to suggest babies' development will be stunted in some way, young children do not even interact/play with each other until they are around 3 yrs old

It does feel like huge amounts of entitlement and I would not be signing the petition

They're really lucky they get paid maternity leave in the first place. Especially for subsequent children. I am totally in favour of paid maternity leave for the first child/multiple birth but I don't see why the State or the employer should subsidise subsequent maternity leaves.

The idea that there are thousands of women out there who actually think it's ok to ask for this is astonishing. Well actually it's not, because we already know that some mothers are massively entitled and think that their having children is doing the world a favour. Nope -you chose it, you own it.

I do feel horrible for new mums right now getting no respite, even in the form of a friend dropping in for half an hour, freeing you up for a shower or just giving the kitchen a wipe down for you. Like I say my sister is home right now with a new born and would have normally had me, grandparents, SIL and BIL and families, plus her friends on hand, and she went to every class going with her eldest. Eldest is now not even able to go to preschool so she’s home with both 100% while her DH works from home in the study - but does come down. She’s said it’s so much harder this time. My heart goes out to new mums it must be horrid in many ways.

But on the flip side of that, wheres the line? Only those on Mat leave now? Those about to start Mat leave? Those who started Mat leave post lockdown? Those who had Half their leave before lockdown, then their baby came out of the new born stage and they were suddenly locked in? This could be financially crippling to many businesses.

And so many people are having a bloody tough time. Parents who are past Mat leave but at home with one or multiple children who also tried on outside help in some shape or form. People who are on their own with no support network - with children or without. So many vulnerable people shielding. We can’t give everyone a paid 3 months off once this is done to make up for lost time.

Oh thank goodness- this has been the rounds on my NCT WhatsApp. I've gotten my tongue but seriously the country is on it's needs, we face global recession/depression.

Isn't this a 'suck it up buttercup' and be grateful issue? It's embarrassing .

Sorry...but if a preemie mum has to sit and stare at her baby in an incubator for 6 months to then only have 3 months left of leave, I'm pretty sure your entitled ass can survive without goddam baby sensory

Bloody this!!!!!

That’s a petition I would sign. Maternity leave being extended in those circumstances.

These other woman are bloody delusional and entitled to the extreme. The entire U.K. will be on it’s knees - but let’s give the mummies extra paid time off because they’ve not had the special mat leave they thought they might. wise up!

Also on maternity leave with a 4month old and toddler here! I agree with you to an extent...extending it because you didn't 'have the experience' of maternity leave is stupid.
However a friend of mine has now had to extend hers till September as her school don't want/need her back yet and she wouldn't have childcare. Although I'm not sure how much she questioned the legality of that to be honest. And what it is really.

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness thankfully neonatal leave will commence in 2023, admittedly long long overdue but very positive none the less, and a real testament to those who have petitioned for years.

bitten my tongue