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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Entitled mothers

314 replies

MerryDeath · 01/05/2020 10:43

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

OP posts:
TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 02/05/2020 19:22

I thing we also should be careful for what we wish, more time to enjoy with a baby can come to you in the form of unemployment.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 02/05/2020 19:22

Think, notar thing...
Jesus, Where are my glasses?

TazSyd · 02/05/2020 19:39

@Birchgirl

My sister is infertile. She’s paid into the system and hasn’t got anything back.

What do you think she should get?

ballsdeep · 02/05/2020 19:48

I'm on mat leave myself and this really doesn't sit right with me. There are people who are struggling to put food on the tables and they want another 3 months paid so they can go to baby yoga!? I understand groups are important for people, I really do, but FFS how entitled can you get??

ballsdeep · 02/05/2020 19:50

In fact, if this ridiculous rule was brought in I'd rather the money go to mother's of prem babies who have had to sit through many months of hospital and didn't get the enjoy those precious few months at home! The more I think about it the more pissed off I am Hmm mat leave is there to bond with the baby. You can't get much closer than being stuck in for weeks 😆

Raaaa · 02/05/2020 20:01

Not going to baby sensory isn't 'going to affect their development', seems like a stupid petition

Birchgirl · 02/05/2020 20:27

TheMotherofAllDilemmas
And I really feel for you. But I didn't write my comment to start a 'who had it worse' debate. I can't imagine what you went through but this petition is about people who are currently on mat leave during this shitty time.

TazSyd
This comment has pissed me off the most. I have family members and friends who sadly suffer from infertility but you've obviously just put that in this post to make me look like a horrible person so we'll done you.

I just wanted to put my point across of what maternity leave with pnd can be like. But as I always see on here people always like to jump on their high horses.

I feel for people who are struggling to put food on the table
I feel for people who sadly have babies in neonatal
I feel (and appreciate) all the front line workers

But I will not be mad to feel bad about my situation or made to feel bad about wanting to spend extra time with my dc.

It isn't about going to baby yoga as someone quite ignorantly stated its about bonding. Which I and I'm sure many others feel that the extra time would help massively.

LaurieMarlow · 02/05/2020 20:38

But I will not be mad to feel bad about my situation or made to feel bad about wanting to spend extra time with my dc.

It’s the fact that you want it paid that’s the problem.

TazSyd · 02/05/2020 20:40

@Birchgirl

Your response just confirms that you are entitled, self obsessed and have absolutely no empathy for others.

No one is trying to make you feel bad about your situation, just pointing out that you aren’t the first person to face challenges in life and you won’t be the last either.

Windowboxgardener · 02/05/2020 20:55

I hadn’t heard about this but I’ve just done a quick google and am genuinely horrified that there are apparently 196,000 people so tone deaf that they could feel entitled to demand this. I’d love to hear how the debate in Parliament goes down on this topic...

If a year plus accrued leave at home with your baby isn’t enough for you then volunteer for redundancy - I am sure most employers will bite your arm off.

Attendance at baby groups

HarrietM87 · 02/05/2020 20:58

@Birchgirl but your opportunity to bond with your baby hasn’t been affected by covid 19 in any way whatsoever?

If it’s been affected by your PND that’s a shame for you but thousands of women get PND each year and it doesn’t entitle them to more paid maternity leave.

Servers · 02/05/2020 21:00

@Birchgirl lots of women battle with PND, I would rather the money invested in providing adequate support to be honest than giving everyone 3 months off paid. Also, things won't be just back to normal anytime soon, it will likely be 3 months sat in the house. Unless you are an extremely high earner, your paying in won't have covered anything near the cost of your antenatal and postnatal care. It's not that people don't empathise, but they dont see the value of 3 months extra paid leave in the middle of a global pandemic and the worst global recession we have ever seen. A lot of parents won't have jobs to go back to at all.

Pinkblueberry · 02/05/2020 21:02

But I will not be mad to feel bad about my situation or made to feel bad about wanting to spend extra time with my dc.

Obviously you don’t need to feel bad about wanting that. Plenty of mums want to spend extra time with their DCs, a lot of mums don’t feel ready to go back after a year and many have to go back long before due to financial pressures. But in what way have you actually been deprived of ‘time’ with your DC?

Birchgirl · 02/05/2020 21:14

But my mental health has been massively affected by covid19 which has had an effect my maternity leave.

I understand that people aren't going to agree with me and that's fine but please don't assume that people (myself included) are all these negative things. It's not as black and white when mental health is involved.

TazSyd

I'm none of those thing. In fact I think that better describes you. I know about life's challenges and heartaches, maybe not as much as most people but when had it been a competition?

Your original comment had nothing to do what I said or the post.

winniestone37 · 02/05/2020 21:20

I completely agree with you, the narcissism of new mother’s never fails to shock me. People are dying you self centred morons.

Zoejj77 · 02/05/2020 21:23

Yes I didn’t sign I couldn’t believe the cheek of it tbh

TazSyd · 02/05/2020 21:25

@Birchgirl

You said that as you had paid into the system then you should be entitled to three months extra maternity leave. I pointed out that my sister (and others) have also paid in to the system but as they are infertile they don’t get any paid maternity leave at all.

ChrissieKeller61 · 02/05/2020 21:33

What most people pay into the system doesn't even touch the sides of covering the cost of their own birth nevermind having children themselves after being raised to adulthood and educated.
I do blame the tory's though, the money tree has popped up and now everyone would like a branch.

TazSyd · 02/05/2020 21:37

@chrissiekeller61

Who ever thought we’d be blaming the Tories for waving a magic money tree around?

I agree with you though.

OrangeSamphire · 02/05/2020 21:37

Until paid mat/pat leave is extended for parents of sick or disabled babies, I really can’t get behind this proposal.

Returning to normal life (whatever that is) after this pandemic will be difficult for lots of people. Not just new mothers.

I’d far rather see additional government support going into social care than extending what is already a generous mat leave.

TazSyd · 02/05/2020 21:40

@orangesamphire

“ Until paid mat/pat leave is extended for parents of sick or disabled babies, I really can’t get behind this proposal. ”

Agree with this too. Sick or disabled babies versus mums who can’t go to coffee meet-ups with their babies and do a bit of showing off.

Get your priorities right people. I have to say, this being mumsnet, I am actually surprised and pleased at the direction that this thread has taken.

Birchgirl · 02/05/2020 21:41

So I'm a self centered moron now. Charming

I didn't say I was entitled. I said if the option was there I would take it.

ThanksItHasPockets · 02/05/2020 21:45

In the very kindest possible way, @Birchgirl, if your mental health is fragile then I don’t think this thread will do you much good. Flowers

Meredithgrey1 · 02/05/2020 22:00

But my mental health has been massively affected by covid19

That applies to thousands and thousands of people. The money would be better spent on NHS mental health support and training for HVs on PND. I couldn't get any support for my PND, and it was awful, but an extra three months wouldn't have helped, proper therapy would have (and a HV who didn't tell me to call back when my "phase" had passed).

HarrietM87 · 02/05/2020 22:19

But @Birchgirl you have no way of knowing that - PND isn’t something with one cause. You might have developed it anyway. And having 3 more months of paid leave won’t change that. Also, you’re asking for this for everyone who has had a baby - how many people do you think are in your position vs just having a nice time in lockdown with their partners at home? Is this really the very best way the government could use this money?

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