Entitled mothers

[MerryDeath]

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

YANBU

The selfishness and entitlement gets worse- you have a long way to go!

Mothers having to take their babies to groups are nuts, a baby under one year will thrive more with its mother's love, attention and care plus those nearest and dearest. Christ's sake, it's not difficult.

The sense of entitlement some people have drives me crazy. We are entitled, we pay our taxes.... We all do sweetheart, get over your self 😂

@LaurieMarlow

I am also at risk of losing my job as the company is work for is barely surviving this pandemic. I am excellent at my job, but certainly would be on the chopping block as I can't find childcare ! This is why the government introduced the furlough scheme. So people and companies have some sense of security. I just hope my boss sees it this way.

If I don't get furloughed and have to return to work, I can't unless childminders are open. I would therefore have to go unpaid. (I have a sense this is what my boss would do, even though the furlough scheme is paid by the government) That would plunge my already struggling household even further down the rabbit hole.

So no I don't agree in getting money above others, but the government seem to handing out money left, right and centre and it's unfortunate that I am in the bubble where my partner receives no help for his now struggling business and I may not receive any on trying to return to work.

@Couchbettato
It really is a strange situation to be in isn't it. My mother in law was due to have my son one afternoon a week to ease up a bit of childcare costs but she is sheilded until July! So that's a no go too. I am back on my PND tablets and am struggling with the stress of it all.

Coronavirus has bought out alot in people. I certainly don't see myself as selfish or entitled. I appreciate the key workers right now, who knew last year I would be so grateful for my recycling men? Or checkout lady? Clapping for our NHS?

No one saw this coming. There was no way to prepare.

I think there should have been a petition more suited to those in the position a few of us are in.

Not for bloody baby sensory classes. Is that their biggest problem ?? If it is, then they are extremely lucky.

@Daftodil most people on maternity leave take 6 months to a year. Lockdown has been 6 weeks so far, hardly months on end. Even if it goes on for another few months that’s only a third of the time most mums will be off.

YANBU

I'm dumbfounded at this suggestion tbh. You could swap out the words 'those returning from mat leave', to so many other groups who are equally, if not more so, in need and for all the same reasons given.

all the furloughed workers who could be working because their businesses didn’t have to close but simply took advantage of the scheme.

Many, many of those furloughed will not have jobs to go back to, furlough delayed the inevitable. If you don’t understand that you don’t have a frigging clue.

If I don't get furloughed and have to return to work, I can't unless childminders are open.

Not a problem unique to those on maternity I’m afraid. We’re all fucked. My sons nursery is really struggling and I doubt will survive this crisis.

So no I don't agree in getting money above others, but the government seem to handing out money left, right and centre

The government isn’t doing that for shits and giggles. It’s trying to hold up an economy that it had to forcibly shut down. The debt it will be in is unprecedented. The projections for unemployment and GDP contraction are terrifying.

In those circs, 3 extra months unpaid to sort out issues like childcare, fine. Asking for it paid is just appallingly grabby and shows such lack of awareness of what’s actually happening across the world.

There was a thread the other day, grandparent provided childcare and now can't due to shielding and the parents need to find alternative childcare to return to work.

Why would these families not get extra security but those returning from mat leave would?

I’m currently on mat leave with my 4 month old and will be returning to work on the frontline in September when my 9 months in over. I’ve felt incredibly guilty about being off during this shit time and if my bottle refuser would decide that bottles weren’t the devil I would have gone back sooner to help my colleagues! We’d just started swimming and been to a few baby sensory groups when lockdown commenced, but we’ve just recreated this at home with a bath and a bit of tin foil. My daughter is thriving and it’s just becoming the happiest little thing and I really feel that’s because she’s getting so much time and stimulation. It’s a massive shame that it wasn’t the mat leave I had in mind but I don’t really care as I have my baby and my family and we are well. I think I’m of this opinion as had i not been on mat leave, I wouldn’t have been WFH or furloughed, I’d have been in a hot, sweaty hospital ward terrified that I’d be bringing the virus home every day with me.

Peanut,it is not currently illegal to have someone come to your house to look after your child by the way so it may be worth advertising for that so you can keep your job if your furlough ends.

On people losing a time doing baby things lots of other people are losing out too. I went back full time at 2 weeks and had to express milk at work (that was in the 1980s and not at all easy but I had not even 6 weeks at 90% pay so very different times then)....... Also my student sons are missing their last term at university - last term ever which of course is as nothing compared with dying of CV or anything else or losing a job and having no money and no food, but it it still something no one can ever give them back. Even the graduation ceremonies are cancelled at their university in July so I have lost my £700 of hotel money for that never mind rent paid for this term etc etc. It has certainly been a bad year for last year graduates- strikes and now this. Other students were on their year abroad which obviously is not now happening etc. And we could go sector by sector at those affected for ever by this with things they will never get back, not least those who have died earlier than they might.

However most new mothers with a baby are still with their baby, can cuddle him or her, breastfeed as much as they want and be close to the baby which is all babies need - they certainly don't need any classes or clubs.

I’ve felt incredibly guilty about being off during this shit time

It must be hard to grapple with, but you have nothing to feel guilty about at all, you haven't shirked or found a way to get out of working (that would be understandable though!), you are enjoying maternity leave with your DD, and you deserve it. Please try to be kind to yourself.

I am already looking for nanny, but this will cost so much more than my wages.

@LaurieMarlow - I am sorry you see my as appallingly grabby. I don't want 3 months paid! I would like some.help. I am going to have to look at UC to see if we are eligible.

You have a nursery, you know where your child goes and who looks after them. I am sure you went to great lengths researching and meeting the staff at different settings to see which suited you best. I am not sure how nurseries are struggling when their staff are all furloughed as well as still charging for places ??

I'm signing off from this thread now. I am not going to get in to a tit for tat with strangers.

why do I bother posting

Yes, it is really difficult. When we had our first child we paid 50% of each of our full time wages for the cost of childcare in our home and she wasn't even particularly qualified - a GCSE in childcare or something but it was worth it over time to preserve our two careers. I think even under lockdown you can have someone come to your house to look after yours and one other child and be still within a nanny not a childminder set up which might halve the cost.

In world war 2 the state opened nurseries at factories so that workers (women) could actually work. We may need something like that if we are going to get the UK back to work if childminders don't open up - they are allowed still to work if parents are in a wide range of jobs but a lot are not wanting to I think which is understandable or their particular parents are not in the relevant jobs.

I am sorry you see my as appallingly grabby. I don't want 3 months paid! I would like some.help

Can you be specific about what you want then, because the petition is requesting 3 months paid.

@Servers thank you, i really appreciate that😌

Maternity leave is 9-12 months. Lockdown, so far has been 6 weeks. Even if it were 3 months, that's still 6-9 months to spend going to baby groups.
Maternity leave used to be 6 months max, before that I think it was only 3 months. and those children didn't suffer from lack of bonding/ socialisation etc.

I realize that some individuals are having a hard time, that is always the case with maternity leave. Some will have pnd, and yes, without going to groups this could be very hard.
Perhaps those with medical need should be able to take longer in order to get the help they need, but the vast majority of new mums should be fine to go back to work at thier usual time.

I never went to baby groups during mat leave because my youngest was in and out of hospital all the time.

It was a gruelling and anxious time. Having an extended mat leave might have saved me from having to temporarily quit my career. Me, and thousands of other mothers of unwell babies or those born with disabilities.

Extended leave for those with sick children, those in NICU for extended periods or those with disabilities is something I would petition and campaign for, but this proposal for extending leave for all just because we’ve been at home for a few weeks is ridiculous.

Quite frankly, being on mat leave with a healthy baby under lockdown would have been a significantly easier ride.

I am an old lady. When I had my babies 50 years ago there was no such thing as paid maternity leave. Not even unpaid maternity leave. When you had a baby you just left work and got no support from anyone. Your job was given to somebody else. The generation posting on here don't know how lucky they are. Its all take take take and screw the government and never mind who has to pay for their selfishness in the end. Just be grateful you get your paid maternity leave, as I did not, nor did anyone of my generation.

@Annaram1 completely agree!

I can kind of get the disappointment of mat leave not being what someone envisaged i.e. Not being able to meet up with other new mums, visit family, baby groups etc etc. However, this situation has hit a lot of people a hell of a lot harder. Businesses will not recover. The economy will be crippled. Despite the disappointment I might feel, it would not enter my head to try and get my mat leave extended. It's bloody madness.

I get it. When you're on maternity leave it's easy to feel like you'll never get this time again with your baby, like when you go back to work suddenly you'll never do any activities or see any friends again. And it is harder, and you do have to fit more in once you go back. But it's not the only time you'll be in this situation!

My youngest is starting school this year. She's my last baby, and I am a little sad that I won't get those last couple of months with her where we have a weekday together during term time. I work four days a week but on Fridays we see friends, go to groups, go to nice quiet soft plays... etc etc. It's a bit sad as that's ended earlier than I expected. But that's life! I'm not going to petition for an extra term off school because we missed this one.

I get how they feel, but it's not a reasonable thing to demand.

I know this is an unfair comparison, and we shouldn’t make comparisons but I can’t really get this out of my mind when people are talking about getting ‘time’ back.
A relative of mine passed away from cancer a few days ago. Obviously she was shielding, lived with her two adult sons so at least she wasn’t completely alone, but she spent the last weeks of her life unable to go anywhere - not for physical reasons, she was still quite mobile until the last few days - and unable to see the rest of her family, friends and grandchildren. She won’t get that precious time back that should have been spent making the most of the last few months with family and friends.
So yes, petitions like these are entitled and disrespectful to those who are seriously suffering. PND, childcare etc is not mentioned in this petition. It’s not an ideal time to be on maternity leave by any means, and it must be really difficult - but that’s not the tone I’m getting from this horrifically worded petition that badly disguises itself as looking out for the needs and development of babies. It really does just come across as mums being bitter that having a baby didn’t get them the new Instagram worthy social life and baby jolly holiday they were after.

@LaurieMarlow I know how furlough works. My partner is affected by it. However I also know of companies who offered people to furlough and when people took it closed down a majority of their UK business because no one wanted to work. McDonalds, KFC and the likes didn’t have to close for deliveries. Ultimately if you’d send those workers back you could have some money to help women who are running out of SMP. My company wouldn’t furlough people based on childcare or not and for some unpaid leave would leave them on the streets.
I said in my first post that yes the petition after googling it sounds entitled because of the reasons. However in the OP the baby classes aren’t mentioned. I do however think there should be help available for women on maternity leave who are supposed to be coming back now. I even said 80% of SMP would be better than nothing. No I don’t think there’s a magic tree, but I do believe everyone should be able to get the help to stay afloat. Sorry that this offends you, and that you can’t wrap your head around it but people like me could have never gone on unpaid leave.

And it’s not just about these women, SMP in the UK is a disgrace and women and men being fired for having sick babies is disgusting.